High School

So today, I went to happy hour with someone from high school. We weren't especially close in high school, though we had lots of classes together and several extra curriculars. But it's been ten years and hey, we're all different people now, right? It was actually really nice catching and and taking about things going on as adults. (She's an attorney as well actually, so the same shit just different areas of shit.)
 
Actually, this was the reverse of last week, when Jen was in town and I saw someone from high school who was really not in my group of peoples  but again, ten years blah. Anyway, he made a comment about how he wasn't class president of our senior class because the girl who won, her mother counted the ballots and stole the election. And I was so disturbed by this on so many levels. I mean, it's been ten years. Let.it.go.
 
And all this relates to: I have a ten year reunion coming up next month which I've been thinkin' about lately. I'm not sure if I'm going to go. I hated high school. I don't just mean that I didn't like it, I mean I hated it. I always felt out of place. I now know that almost everyone felt that way, but seriously, it was miserable time and I absolutely hated it. I hated it enough to essentially leave after three years and take classes at the community college instead, credits I never transferred (though I could have) but invaluable b/c it got me out of hell. And the one person I still talk to from high school moved 3000 miles away and is not going either. (Oh, and the reunion is held at adult Chuck-E-Cheese. A fun place to go, but for a reunion?? It just seems so classess, so "high schoolish," so "we-are-still-17.") All excellent reasons not to go. If you put a scale, and on one side is my curiousity, all of these things weigh on the other side. What's the balance? I have no idea, but that's the scale.
 
But that's not the real balance. Most importantly, I do not feel like the last ten years have been very successful.  So really, to go to a place where everyone already made me feel like a failure, when I already feel like a failure on my own, does not seem very good for one's self-esteem. But aren't you supposed to look back at high school with nostalgia, remember all the good times and forget all the bad (and to be honest, I can only recall one particular bad moment, the rest is just the feeling that I hated it.)  I don't know. Sigh. I hate being an adult. Can't I just hide under the covers and be a kid again?