The fringe benefits of corporate America

So. We have these luncheons. They are random, for whatever political going on is going on in the city at the moment. They are JUST the type of thing that I HATE doing as an attorney. The networking, the making polite with pompous, arrogant politicians and judges and business owners and whatnot...I am sure that it comes as a great surprise when I say that it's not my style. I'm better at making the nice pretty water all muddy. Saying the wrong thing. Doing the wrong thing. BEING the wrong thing. As my friends can attest, I am not a nice person. Therefore, I generally try to avoid anything that deals with clients, with political movers and shakers, with the necessary but fake side of my career. I don't do fake. It was not part of what I signed up for when I signed up for law school, not part of the Truth, Justice, and the American way naivety I clung to. At all. It's POLITICAL BULLSHIT. I am not a good bullshitter. Unless I'm drunk. In which case, I'm an annoying, philosophical bullshitter.

However, there is a luncheon one on October 20th for the community college scholarships. Basically, we pay $250+ a head to eat a lunch and listen to a speaker drone on. I detest these things. They just take time that I don't have to waste, require niceties which I hate, etc. BUT this time, the speaker is...Edward Norton. I swear, I've never once responded so quickly to a lunch. Primal Fear may be one of the best movie twists ever. I was stunned. Shell shocked. And he's going to be in Cleveland. In the same hotel conference room as I. Seriously, I wonder if the table of 10 my firm bought has any males attending? ;-)

THEN, a mere week later is our firm seminar. What that means is that we invite all these clients, have separate employment law topics (mine is workers compensation), make outlines to hand out, and have lecture "sessions" on the various topics, blah blah blah. We also have a lunch speaker. Last year it was the mayor. She gave the same speech I've heard about half a dozen times. The first time it was good and upliding "Go Cleveland!", but by the eighth time, it was so annoying. (Attending the seminar isn't an option, by the way. At least we get 5.5 CLE credits for it.) So THIS year, the speaker is...Jerry Springer. I am not even kidding. NOW it's going to be difficult. I mean, he's going to be talking, and I'm going to want to be yelling, "Jer-ry, Jer-ry!" Or punching the person sitting next to me who will be, of course, a client (one attorney per table of clients). Sweet.

Then today, I was handed a pair of club tickets (not the suite, where there is free food and alcohol, but club seats where there is free food and drinks (just not alcohol)) because of the hard work on the case that DIDN'T go to trial. (For the record, Yoda is out and the junior partner is out until Thursday on vacation. Nice...) PLUS no clients inthe suite to entertain! Bonus! Jody Gerut, here I come! I can wear my Indians jersey where the number on the back is 666 and the name is "Yankees." Besides, I've been in the suite more than a dozen times this baseball season. I hate to say that it gets old, but it gets old. The negative - it was a total surprise, and I'm wearing a skirt. Sigh.

So my trial. I can sense that you are all are dying to know. Well, we settled. The part that bugs me is that she wasn't discriminated against,. Actually, we had some really bad facts having nothing to do with her that she was manipulating. When she wasn't flat out lying and making shit up. I can't get into specifics, but she is so friggin' incompetent at what they wanted her to do and it just didn't matter, because this psycho lady kept everything - every conversation she ever had with anyone for the last six years. Despite this, there was NO evidence that SHE was discriminated against. There was a smoking gun document that the decision maker never even say, but that someone else (to cover his tracks) now says that he did show him, and it doesn't deal with her but deals with another employee, but we'd hear all about what the smoking gun said the entire time. And we'd lose based on that without any evidence. It was quite depressing. Again, my Truth, Justice, and the American way naivety was disillusioned. This decision was SO NOT RIGHT. It really wasn't. This woman was completely unqualified and she gets all this money. It just shows exactly what's wrong with the system. If I never have to see Bitch Counsel again, it would be too soon. I know that Yoda feels the same way as well.