Today, a friend told me that I had courage because I was able to open up here
and it really made me laugh because, well, that just seems the exact opposite of me. I'm not open. By a long shot. Right? Right. (Ahh. I'm listening to REM right now. It's Everybody Hurts. Which got me through some times in high school. I was 15 or 16. Remember how RAW every emotion was back then? How permanent? I can just vaguely. Working to recreate that feeling. And ending up just short.) Anyway, back to opening up. I don't.
Well, until this whole blog thing started.
I’m finding that I find blogs fascinating. It's like a drug. I like that little "next blog" button up top. There are all these new people out there, and I feel like some sort of freaking peeping tom! You know, paying such attention to someone else’s thoughts, someone else’s life, anywhere else is voyeurism, and on the web, it’s just...well, it still might be voyeurism, just voyeurism by solicitation.
Unlike some people, I can’t put my whole life out on the blog because, well, I’m a closed person by nature and there are thought that I protect religiously. Unfortunately, even from myself most times. I have this insane fear that one day when I die, all the scraps of paper I’ve written my random self on will be found, and then people will know me. And that just terrifies me. And yes, I realize how out-of-place that is, considering, well, I’m dead..
But then I realized that because there are only six people who know who I am, for reals, that I do open up a bit more than usual. I think that means I'm growing??
Oh, and from Katie comes this wonderful quiz:
Take the What High SchoolStereotype Are You? quiz.
This is much more informative than "what type of bread are you" and the rest. Because, per my philosophy, life is high school. It's a rather advanced theory too, one that has withstood any challenges. Because, well, it just is.
The odd thing is, in high school, I probably was an outsider, but I was also a goth. They were one and the same where I was. (I know that's a category because that's what Katie is. I guess I just don't want to hurt people anymore!) ;-)
Well, until this whole blog thing started.
I’m finding that I find blogs fascinating. It's like a drug. I like that little "next blog" button up top. There are all these new people out there, and I feel like some sort of freaking peeping tom! You know, paying such attention to someone else’s thoughts, someone else’s life, anywhere else is voyeurism, and on the web, it’s just...well, it still might be voyeurism, just voyeurism by solicitation.
Unlike some people, I can’t put my whole life out on the blog because, well, I’m a closed person by nature and there are thought that I protect religiously. Unfortunately, even from myself most times. I have this insane fear that one day when I die, all the scraps of paper I’ve written my random self on will be found, and then people will know me. And that just terrifies me. And yes, I realize how out-of-place that is, considering, well, I’m dead..
But then I realized that because there are only six people who know who I am, for reals, that I do open up a bit more than usual. I think that means I'm growing??
Oh, and from Katie comes this wonderful quiz:
Take the What High SchoolStereotype Are You? quiz.
This is much more informative than "what type of bread are you" and the rest. Because, per my philosophy, life is high school. It's a rather advanced theory too, one that has withstood any challenges. Because, well, it just is.
The odd thing is, in high school, I probably was an outsider, but I was also a goth. They were one and the same where I was. (I know that's a category because that's what Katie is. I guess I just don't want to hurt people anymore!) ;-)
posted by -Me @ 8/19/2004 10:11:00 PM
1 Comments:
At 1:28 PM,
p.p. said…
I agree with your post. I am secretive too. I am very selective about who I tell my personal things to -- the things that matter, at least.
Oh, by the way, I took that H.S. stereotype quiz. I was a "Geek." I would have to disagree, but that quiz seems scientific. :)
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