Somewhere in here is an open solicitation for opinions

Today I learned the art of keeping my mouth shut. Yoda walks in today and throws this brief at me. Actual conversation:
Yoda (pissy): Can you please put this in English?
Me: English?
Yoda: (opening the brief to the second page) Like here, "Plaintiff Jane Doe ("Plaintiff" or "Ms. Doe") sued Defendants ABC Corporation and John Smith ("Defendants") claims she was . . ."
Me: Ok
Yoda: I shouldn't have to be proofreading
Me: Ok
Yoda: This is fucking unacceptable
Me: Ok
Yoda: I shouldn't have to proofread.
Me: Ok
Yoda: So take care of it.
Me: Ok
Now this is what was going through my head this entire time. "I didn’t write this brief. The junior partner wrote this brief. I had nothing to do with this brief." But did I say that?? NO, I said absolutely nothing. I just sat there and repeatedly said, "Ok." At one point, he told me that he was sorry, he’s in trial mode right now, and he shouldn’t have to take care of proofreading and editing. You know what, I agree. So I just said, "ok." There is a first time for everything - this time, I learned to keep my mouth shut. I feel like I’ve grown today.


Yesterday, which was an awful day in terms of how I was feeling, and then became a REALLY awful day in terms of the evidence in this case. (And a shout to Susan for listening to me whine - she went above and beyond the friend duty!) And I won’t go into all of that stuff now, BUT I wanted to saw the one highlight: Yoda says to me "You just remind me so much of my daughter. You mannerisms and especially your sarcastic comments." YAY! I’m like reminiscent of Yoda;s spawn! That makes me a Yodette?? Sigh, Only in my dreams could I be as intelligent as Yoda. Any of the Yodas! (Great, and now I’ve got Debbie Gibson going through my head. Gak! Is there anything worse?)


And here’s something ELSE that upset me yesterday - Bitch Counsel had on a button that said "John Kerry." Bitch Counsel and I both hate Bush. Oh, that really burns me! Bitch Counsel and I should have nothing in common! Nothing, I tell you. I was already considering dying my hair because we both have dark brown hair, getting a new occupation because we are both attorneys, and having a sex change operation because we are both women. Ok, that’s a bit overboard. But seriously! She is most disagreeable. She just SEEMS like she'd support the anti-christ.


I gave blood today. You should know, there are few things I hate more than giving blood. Spiders. Bitch Counsel. Gold jewelry. Bush. The Yankees. But I HATE giving blood. The reason is simple; I firmly believe that the American Red Cross is incompetent. For three straight blood donations, they killed me. And I mean, the first time I was bruised (a bruise my entire hand could not cover) for just over three weeks. Three weeks! The second time, they couldn’t find the vein, had a relatively big needle hole there, I was in pain the entire time giving blood, and I had a bruise for two weeks. The third time, they started on my left arm. They couldn’t find the vein to save their lives. They started with my left arm, poked and stuck me, pushed this needle every side of Sunday to no avail. So they want to me right arm. First they started in the middle. AGAIN couldn’t find the vein. Again tried several times. Gave up and went to a side vein. Then they found the vein and started going. But it was really slow. I finally made them stop after about 20 minutes pulling from the side vein when it wasn’t even half full. They kept saying, "you can’t stop now, we can’t use your blood unless it’s full." And I was furious, and they couldn’t understand why I didn’t care if they never got any blood from anyone again. Bloody Red Cross vampires. I had to leave work early that day, and I went to see a nurse afterwards, and I learned that they blasted the veins. They blasted the one in my left arm, and the middle one on my right arm. I’m not sure what that means, but anytime anything is blasted, and I haven’t been drinking, I don’t think it’s a positive thing. On top of that, the side one was all bruised (but not blasted). So I had these three bruises for almost three weeks. That was my last straw. So every time I go there, I ask for the most qualified person. Which gets them all up in arms. But I don’t care. I’ve got what they want. I feel like a pimp. "You want my blood? You better do as I say. If you do exactly as I say, and three lives today will be saved." (Is that true? That seems so silly. Three lives with just twenty minutes of blood? I think that’s a rumor.)


Have I mentioned that I choose colors for my bathrooms? The downstairs half bath I want black and tan. (This is a problem now b/c it has blue carpet in it.) The upstairs guest bathroom I want dark blue (either royal or navy) and light blue. The master bathroom I want red and gold (the yellow shade, not like jewelry gold.) And a few weeks ago, I started taking off the border in the kitchen, but it's all stuck. So I want it gone from the downstairs bathroom, the two upstairs bathrooms, the kitchen, and the wallpaper (the kind that you can touch and it's raised) in the family room. Again, I don’t get all the borders everywhere. A man and his 14 year old son have borders in almost every room. AND PINK CARPET IN THE MASTER BEDROOM!!


So my best friend has known me longer than almost anyone in the entire world. She has seen me at my lowest low and my highest high. And all the mundane. Oh, and our first foray into public transportation. And today she challenged me: "I don't like being hurt either, but there are worse things, like not falling in love ever. I was completely in love with [--- to protect the not so innocent jerk there!] (which I knew I would fall for him after the first couple times we talked) and it really sucked when I found out he didn't feel the same way, but at least part of me is glad it happened. Because then I *knew* what the big deal about love was, and I knew I could be in love, and there was someone who could inspire that in me, and it's not something I would want to go through my whole life without ever having felt once. So I am a little confused about you trying so hard to avoid falling for someone, because you are all about living life to the fullest & deepest and sucking the marrow out of it, and sometimes the marrow is a little bitter, but it's better than never having tasted it."

My response to her: First, I disagree that never falling in love is worse than getting hurt. Then again, I guess that I wouldn't know about falling in love anyway. Blame my divorced parents. Second, it's not that I don't want to fall ever, it's more that I KNOW that he's not the one to catch me. So you know, call me crazy, but I don't see why you'd walk into a fire and then later complain about being burned. The difference is, you didn't start the relationship with --- knowing that it was going to end the way that it did. You learned in the midst, and that sucks, but that's life. But that doesn't mean that if you knew what was going to happen with him, you'd have done things in the same way. Which is what you essentially want me to do. I'm not trying to avoid falling for some one, but just this particular someone. I want to fall for someone where I can fall, and at least HOPE that he will catch me. If I still hit the ground, well, that sucks but that's life. But to know as you jump that you're going to slam into the ground...I just can't take that step. I'm too cautious. Sorry. If I find someone I can at least BELIEVE will catch me, whether or not I KNOW he will is irrelevant. But I need that believe that MAYBE he will. And here I know that he won't.
So where do the masses come out? On my side, or her side? Should you walk into a fire for the experience, knowing the pain that will later result? She starts quoting my words back at my about living life to the fullest bullshit. Contradictory, paradoxical me. I have no problems admitting that I'm seriously guarded, and wouldn't be surprised at all if my very much OLDER (and therefore WISER) friend had the right way of living. ;-)


Five more questions (this is taking so long it’s actually sad. I’m pathetic.) I think I would have done better with 100 facts about me. There just are 100 interesting things to say about myself.

46. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else? I last sang to myself in the car on the way to work this morning. I just love 106.5. Even though Joe is on vacation this week. Brian just isn’t "Brian and Joe" when it’s just Brian. And last week it was Just Joe, and Joe isn’t Brian and Joe without Brian. It’s like peanut butter and jelly. Most people don’t like one without the other. Well, I actually don’t like jelly, so I like just peanut butter without jelly. But I don’t like Brian without Joe, and vice versa. (And actually, I learned all about Billy from Brian and Joe.) When did I last sing to someone else? Well, for fun last night when I was singing "there was a farmer who had a dog and Bingo was his name-o" as we left work the other day. But for reals when I sang at the piano bar for my entertainment. Since I wasn’t able to try out for American Idol.

47. You have the power to go any distance into the future and, after one year, return to the present with any knowledge you have gained from your experience but with no physical objects. Would you make the journey if it carried a 50% risk of death? Shit. Why always these death questions? I think that I might. Think about what you could learn. How to cure diseases. How to invent things to make the world better now. I’d have to do it for humanity’s sake, even if I died. Don’t get me wrong, it would suck big time if died upon return, but no more so than if I learned that humans had destroyed the world and we were extinct. Talk about a lonely year!! "Theorizing that one could time travel within his own lifetime, Dr. Sam Beckett stepped into the Quantum Leap Accelerator...and vanished." (I could go on. I won’t.)

48. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as your dinner guest? As your close friend? As your lover? Oh, boy. Hmm. A dinner guest. Jesus Christ would be interesting. Oh, the things I could learn! As my close friend? There was this one guy named Tim. Absolutely friggin' brilliant person. We quite possibly had the best conversations I’ve ever had with anyone. It wasn’t necesasarily romantic, but it was wildly exhilirating and free in that we were able to discuss anything. And did. We just got each other. I've found in life that that is just so incredibly rare. We joked that our birthday’s were two years apart (almost to the day) because the Universe couldn’t handle two of us at first...but we had no answer as to why we were so close in proximity if that were so. Unfortunately, life got in the way and we lost touch. But it remains among a favorite memory for me. So he’d be first. With a close second to another friend who often got me. He was a bit sensitive, and I was a bit (bit?!?) shielded, and we understandably didn’t get along so well when I’d be in that mode. Unfortunately, that ultimately destroyed our friendship. My biggest regret in life. It might actually be my only true regret in life. But anyway, it’s gotta be Tim first. As a lover. Hmm...I have a huge thing for Joaquin Phoenix right now. And the usual suspect: Jody Gerut. But I think the question demands a real answer, not a fake one. I’ve never been in love. I’ve never even been close to being in love. So I don’t have an answer to this one. The answer would be my soul mate. And yes, I’m silly enough to believe in soul mates, even in the face of evidence to the contrary.

49. While parking late at night, you slightly scrape the side of a Porche. You are certain that no one else is aware of what happened. The damage is minor and would not be covered by insurance. Would you leave a note? Probably not. I’d feel guilty for a few days over it, I’d rationalize that they obviously have the money to cover the damage, and I’d probably not leave a lot. In fact, once someone hit my car in a parking lot in the garage at school, and they DID leave a note. The damage was minor and I just said, "screw it, don’t worry about it." Guess she’s a better person than I am.

50. If you could choose the manner of your death, what would it be?
Asleep at night. Peacefully. I would suppose so would everyone else. I mean, I know I like fire, but I’m not a masochist or anything!