Ryan is mocking me...

So, about three weeks ago, I turn 28. Six days after my birthday, Fox announced that the age limit on American Idol was raised from 26 to 28. Next, Cleveland becomes the first city where American Idol 4 Auditions are held. Finally, the topping on the cake, a mere ten days ago, I sang It’s The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine) - my crowning debut into American singing idiolatry. Obviously, it’s fate. People can start lining up THIS MORNING at 6 am for tomorrow’s auditions.

BUT WAIT! I’m a lawyer! I’m a lawyer with a trial starting in less than three weeks. I’m a lawyer with a trial starting in less than three weeks with TO DO list that is a mile long. Or at least an entire yellow legal pad in TWO AND A HALF COLUMNS (Ok, 2 colums and 5 lines into colums 3, satisfied?). But let’s be realistic, to someone as melodramatic as I, it might as well BE a mile long. So what does this mean? No American Idol for you. (Bonus points if read with the inflection of the Soup Nazi.)

Anyway, this is a cruel enough twist of fate, more than any Stephanie should be forced to endure. But do you know where my office is? It’s on the 21st floor of a building -- with a perfect view of Cleveland Browns Stadium, where the auditions are held. Which means that I see all these people lining up, like some sort of cattle being prodded at and poked and provoked until sounds come out of their mouth. In other words, the perfect Tuesday.

Oh, cruel world!

"Stephanie, out!"