Today was my first day back at work in 2 weeks. But in some ways, it was even more than that because I was so ahead of my billable hours last year, it will be the first time since August that I really have to work work. I've gotten three and a half months where I was treating my job as less than a 40 hour a week job because, well, I could.

Now, it's January, and all of a sudden, I have to actually work. I can't rely on the fact that I had a month where I billed 252 hours, and another two months where I biled 230 hours, and I'm way ahead. (For most of the year, I had either the most or, more often, the second most hours of all associates. I'm sure after December, where I didn't even hit 100 hours, I'm not, but for 11 months of the year, I was.) So now it's really hard to get back into the grindstone. It's been so long since I had to work work. Depressing, actually. Luckily, the lottery is 67 million tomorrow, and so I figured I have nothing else to do, I might as well win it.

I also think that for some reason, 2005 makes me feel old. In a way that none of my birthdays ever have. (Except maybe 24, which really sucked because I wasn't in my early 20s anymore. I think it was psychological.) AS for this 2005 thing, maybe because it's halfway through the decade? Meanwhile, I still feel like I'm an irresponsible transient in college. But I've come to realize, over the last few days, that I'm all directionless. Without a "next goal" to attain. It was so easy for a while. I had college. Check. Then law school. Check. Clerkship. Check. Law Firm. Check. House. Check. Now the hell what?? What is the next goal to attain? Where am I going with this life I've created? Or more aptly put, "What exactly am I doing here and more importantly, why has no one caught me impersonating an adult?"

When I was in college, a friend warned me that this would happen. She was a year old then I was, and unlike me, she had no idea what she wanted to do after she graduated. I had this nice little coccoon of "law school" to protect me as graduation neared, that all of the "adulthood is coming" fears just brushed past me on their way to someone else. She warned me that I was just as amorphous as she was, I just would take longer to realize it. It turns out that she was right...

Finally, Jen reports that I, as a "brainy woman," am destined to never marry.

Brainy women face handicap in marriage stakes: British survey

LONDON (AFP) - A high IQ is a hindrance for women wanting to get married while it is an asset for men, according to a study by four British universities published in The Sunday Times newspaper. The study found the likelihood of marriage increased by 35 percent for boys for each 16-point increase in IQ. But for girls, there is a 40-percent drop for each 16-point rise, according to the survey by the universities of Aberdeen, Bristol, Edinburgh and Glasgow. "Women in their late 30s who have gone for careers after the first flush of university and who are among the brightest of their generation are finding that men are just not interesting enough" said psychologist and professor at Nottingham University Paul Brown in The Sunday Times.

Claire Rayner, writer and broadcaster, said in the article that intelligent men often prefered a less brainy partner."A chap with a high IQ is going to get a demanding job that is going to take up a lot of his energy and time. In many ways he wants a woman who is an old-fashioned wife and looks after the home, a copy of his mum in a way."

So...if the average IQ is 100, and there is a 40% drop for every 16 points your IQ is above that, it is more than 100% likely that I'm never getting married. Hey, I might as well get a few more cats then, huh? I guess the good news is, no one else will be irritated that I can't cook. The bad news, I was really hoping to marry a chef...