It's the end of the world as we know it...

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15.11.04

Not To Mock But...Ok Who Am I Kidding?

More liberals despising Bush's Christ. Ahh, I feel warm and fuzzy when we separate church and state:
Dear Mr. President:

Dear Mr. President"

The media tells us that you have received the largest number of popular votes of any president in America's history. Congratulations!
. . .

Don't equivocate. Put your agenda on the front burner and let it boil. You owe the liberals nothing. They despise you because they despise your Christ. Honor the Lord, and He will honor you.
. . .

Undoubtedly, you will have opportunity to appoint many conservative judges and exercise forceful leadership with the Congress in passing legislation that is defined by biblical norm regarding the family, sexuality, sanctity of life, religious freedom, freedom of speech, and limited government. You have four years—a brief time only—to leave an imprint for righteousness upon this nation that brings with it the blessings of Almighty God.
. . .

If you have weaklings around you who do not share your biblical values, shed yourself of them. Conservative Americans would love to see one president who doesn't care whether he is liked, but cares infinitely that he does right.
. . .

Bob Jones III
President


Me, I felt that this letter demanded a reply. So, not to disappoint..

Dear Mr. President:

The media tells us that you have received the largest number of popular votes against you of any president in America's history. Congratulations!

In your re-election, God has completely forsaken the world - much as he forsake Jesus on the cross. We are really excited about your man date, and hope that the two of you have chemistry. We, the people, expect you to stutter over the English/American language for 4 more years, coming up with words that no one else had heard of, and generally convincing the world that all Americans are stupid if you are the leader of us.

Don't equivocate! Err...sorry. Big word, I apologize. It means "avoid the issue." In other words, make sure that your hateful, discriminatory, racist, homophobic agenda is followed to the letter. As for the liberals, those who are dumb enough to care about the rest of the world; fuck them. We'll destroy the world, and take care of the problem.

Had John Kerry won, perhaps the rest of the world would respect America, rather than discuss in quiet voices how many of them, banded together can attack and ruin America. "The enemy of my enemy is my friend." Maybe parts of the country would not be talking about session. I do have to say, however, it is a good thing that this here Bible exists, b/c otherwise, I would be completely incapable of coming up with my own morals. I mean, how else would I know that murder was wrong, unless it was one of the Ten Commandments. And that entire compassion section of the Bible (I believe some people call it Jesus's message in the New Testament) - is outdated. It must be destroyed. The same with that "Constitution" and it's separation of powers. You have your man date - and he may be strong enough to just crush that Constitution and all those annoying liberal tendencies. If nothing else, take away the First Amendment so no one can point out our hypcracy. Always remember that Christians can't be liberal. Therefore, clearly liberals are of Satan's spawn and much like it's ok to detain people without ever charging them or allowing them access to attorneys, the same is true of liberals. We are at war with progressive thinking.

Christ said, "let he who is without sin cast the first stone." Let our hypocracy in judging whole sects of people as unworthy of decent treatment, of unworthy of the gates of heaven, deter you from your man date.) Again (to quote my earlier rant, which I did not mail to you so you dfid not see) Jesus also said, "Give the Caesar what is the Caesar's and God what is God's." That obviosuly didn't mean separation of church and state, because how else could we pray in public schools and learn all about how God created the world in 7 days in science class. Evolution is a theory - but creationism is a fact. Because you said it is so. Oh, and again, ignore that entire section where the Bible speaks against praying in public. "And when you pray, you shall not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men....when you pray, enter into the closet and when you have shut the door, pray to the Father which is in secret....")

If you have found yourself surrounded by anyone who thinks that you are crazy or perhaps not right in the head, make sure that you shed yourself of them. You can detain them in Guantanamo Bay for the rest of their lives as enemy combatants (remember: you are either with us or with the terrorists, so they are clearly with the terrorist and are clearly terrorists). Calling them out and revealing their wife as an undercover CIA agent also works. Firing them or forcing them to resign may look better. Remember: conservative America would love to see everything and everyone gone, no accountability, other than wack jobs whio agree with you.

Best wishes.
Sincerely your friend,

Stephanie
Disgusted Liberal

PS If Jesus did his work in three years and was sacrificed: (1) why do you need 8 years; and (2) in order to parallel the Bible, should we sacrifice you?

5 Comments:

  • At 4:53 PM, Blogger Matthew said…

    Friggin' awesome, Stephanie.

    Take a bow. :-)

     
  • At 7:55 PM, Blogger Curtis said…

    Bob Jones is one of the more racist, ignorant, fuckheads in America. Fuck him. I wish that he would actually read the bible rather than use it as a tool to spread his hatred.

     
  • At 8:08 PM, Blogger Alli said…

    Oh my heavens. The man date is hilarious.

     
  • At 12:03 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Fantastic work!!! Funny, bitingly sarcastic, and factual...

    Antitheton.com

     
  • At 11:45 AM, Blogger Jennifer said…

    Brilliant!

    And wildly amusing!

     

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