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John Heffron

rocks, and I encourage anyone watching Last Comic Standing, and even those not, to vote for him tonight. But he just had the BEST thing ever about message boards. I laughed by ass off.

Monday, August 9th, 2004
10:19 pm - If you dont have someting nice to say.....

Ok.., yes, the big vote is here. And of course, I want you to vote for me. And of course I thank you for stopping by my site and watching the show. And, all that good stuff.

Last Comic Standing has been such an experience for me. I really don’t know how to describe it. I have ran through the whole gamet of emotions on the show. I have hated it and I’ve loved it.

The biggest thing I’m learning from the show is how to deal with the people who don’t like me. In my whole comedy life I’m sure people who saw my shows and who didn’t find me funny would keep that to themselves or say it on their way home from the club. But now, with stuff like message boards people can post how much they hate me instantly. I mean there are people who hate me sooooo much they go to a website, get a log in ID, create a password, and then write a half a page biography on why I suck……Man that’s commitment.

I mean they could have used that time to call a friend and say hello, or wrote their mom a nice letter. But, Nope, they took the time out of their busy day to write about me. WOW! Thank You. If I see a band I don’t like, I simply don’t listen to them. That’s it. I don’t give them a second thought. That’s exactly why this baffles me. Why would people take the time to write about things or people they hate.

Well anyway, Let me help all you “Haters” out there. My last name has Two F’s in it. Please when you write “Hefron sucks he mumbles” add the second F. Also, its easy to call someone a “Hack”, “Asshole”, “Moron” or “Not funny at all” when your hiding behind a screen name. Its actually cowardly if you ask me. Any one can talk smack when your sitting in your underwear at 3am wondering why no one called you to go out tonight.

All us LSC people get hate e mail, I’m just guessing everyone is as big as Alonzo, or Gary, when they press “Enter” to send an email. I know people wouldn’t say those things to their face. I read on my website,, that I was a jerk and my parents didn’t bring me up right because I didn’t say thank you, the night of the voting. In actuality, my parents didn’t in fact teach me website ettiquie. I’m sure they would have, had I not grow up in the 70’s. That really pissed me off. Although I have a good idea who it was and I think they where trying to get people to vote for Gary and not me. I hope that person was 12 years old because they sure as hell act like. Grow-up and keep your stank ass off my site. And if you are 12 yrs old no offense to you and sorry about all the swear words.

I have to be honest, I don’t update my site everyday. I cant, I try, but it just doesn’t work out all the time. That doesn’t mean I’m not grateful of my fans. I am. When I have time I will try and make rice krispy (sp) treats for everyone. But with the show and my recent marriage, please accept my sincere gratitude and appreciation. Sometimes that’s all I have to give. THANK YOU, THANK YOU AND THANK YOU. (Look, I even capitalized it, so, you know I mean it)

I’m sure Gary Gullam does answer every one of his emails every night. Good for Gary, I’m sure he was a great student in school, I wasn’t. I try I really do. And man-o-man do I get a lot of them. Just before I wrote this I looked at !%&? Amount of new e mails. I could hire someone to respond to them for me but that’s cheating.

Now, Back to the message boards.

I don’t now maybe every profession, or store should have a message board where people could post.


I was in the store today and wanted to try on a pair of pants. Wayne said “hi can I help you” HE totally stole that from this girl who works at HOT TOPIC, Wayne is so unoriginal and I didn’t like is hair. I defiantly don’t think Wayne should work at the Gap.


I like Wayne, I heard him say “Hi Can I help you” way before that Kelly from HOT TOPIC.

Anyway I have to get up early and try to figure out what I’m doing tomorrow on the show. And if you are watching and think THIS GUY SUCKS! Call your mom and say hello

Remember there is to F’s in HEFFRON

Found here.


  • At 9:29 PM, Blogger Curtis said…

    John really was the funniest tonight! Normally I like Gary, but he seemed a little off. I was laughing the entire time during John's set. My favorite was his joke about waking up on Saturday thinking that he had nothing to do...then the "shift manager" arrived. Heh.

  • At 9:41 PM, Blogger Me said…

    You watch Last Comic Standing? That rocks! I only know one other person - and he watches every reality show that comes down the pike, so it doesn't exactly count. I like Gary too - easily my second favorite all season. I just about died last week with his sugar cookie bit. But I think John has been the funniest overall all season.

  • At 10:30 PM, Blogger Curtis said…

    You can't believe how happy I was that Tammy didn't make it on to this round. If I had to hear one more joke about how she's a Sicilian...[running to the bathroom to vomit...]


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