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30.8.04

Republican National Committee Schedule (Forward)

CONVENTION SCHEDULE
REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE
New York, NY

6:00 PM
Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Falwell

6:30 PM
Pledge of Allegiance

6:35 PM
Ceremonial Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd Amendment - Right to bear arms)

6:45 PM
Salute to the Coalition of the Willing

6:46 PM
Seminar #1: Katherine Harris on "Are Elections Really Necessary?"

7:30 PM
Announcement: Lincoln Memorial Renamed for Ronald Reagan

7:35 PM
Trent Lott - "Re-segregation in the 21st Century"

7:40 PM
EPA Address #1: Mercury: It's What's for Dinner

8:00 PM
Vote on which country to invade next

8:15 PM
John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos Are After Your Children

8:30 PM
Roundtable discussion on reproductive rights (men only)

8:50 PM
Seminar #2: " Corporations: The Government of the Future "

9:00 PM
Condi Rice sings "Can't Help Loving That Man"

9:05 PM
Phyllis Schlafly speaks on "Why Women Shouldn't Be Leaders"

9:10 PM
EPA Address #2: Trees: The Real Cause of Forest Fires

9:30 PM
Break for secret meetings

10:00 PM
Second Prayer led by Cal Thomas

10:15 PM
Karl Rove Lecture: Doublespeak Made Simple

10:30 PM
Rumsfeld Lecture/Demonstration: How to Squint and Talk Macho Even When
You Feel Squishy Inside

10:35 PM
Bush demonstration of trademark "deer in headlights" stare

10:40 PM
John Ashcroft Demonstration: New Mandatory Kevlar Chastity Belt

10:45 PM
GOP's Tribute to Tokenism, featuring Colin Powell &Condi Rice

10:46 PM
Ann Coulter's Tribute to "Joe McCarthy, American Patriot "

10:50 PM
Seminar #3: Education: A Drain on Our Nation's Economy

11:10 PM
Hilary Clinton Piqata

11:20 PM
John Ashcroft Lecture: Evolutionists: A Dangerous New Cult

11:35 PM
Blame Clinton

11:40 PM
Newt Gingrich speaks on "The Sanctity of Marriage"

11:41 PM
Announcement: Ronald Reagan to be added to Mt.Rushmore

11:50 PM
Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself

12:00 PM
Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord

4 Comments:

  • At 11:47 AM, Blogger melyssa said…

    The sad thing is I started reading this thinking it was the real thing. I didn't realize it was a joke until about half way down. It's a Monday!

     
  • At 5:10 PM, Blogger Curtis said…

    I believe after the Sanctity of Marriage speech there could be an impromptu "To Hell with Lawrence v. Texas let's arrest a homosexual for engaging in sodomy in the privacy of his own home."

     
  • At 6:25 PM, Blogger Caren said…

    I've seen this before... soooooooooo funny!!!

     
  • At 7:47 PM, Blogger Sarah said…

    It's so sad, but it could really be the actual line-up (if a few country music acts were added).

     

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