Republican National Committee Schedule (Forward)
CONVENTION SCHEDULE
REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE
New York, NY
REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE
New York, NY
6:00 PM
Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Falwell
6:30 PM
Pledge of Allegiance
6:35 PM
Ceremonial Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd Amendment - Right to bear arms)
6:45 PM
Salute to the Coalition of the Willing
6:46 PM
Seminar #1: Katherine Harris on "Are Elections Really Necessary?"
7:30 PM
Announcement: Lincoln Memorial Renamed for Ronald Reagan
7:35 PM
Trent Lott - "Re-segregation in the 21st Century"
7:40 PM
EPA Address #1: Mercury: It's What's for Dinner
8:00 PM
Vote on which country to invade next
8:15 PM
John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos Are After Your Children
8:30 PM
Roundtable discussion on reproductive rights (men only)
8:50 PM
Seminar #2: " Corporations: The Government of the Future "
9:00 PM
Condi Rice sings "Can't Help Loving That Man"
9:05 PM
Phyllis Schlafly speaks on "Why Women Shouldn't Be Leaders"
9:10 PM
EPA Address #2: Trees: The Real Cause of Forest Fires
9:30 PM
Break for secret meetings
10:00 PM
Second Prayer led by Cal Thomas
10:15 PM
Karl Rove Lecture: Doublespeak Made Simple
10:30 PM
Rumsfeld Lecture/Demonstration: How to Squint and Talk Macho Even When
You Feel Squishy Inside
10:35 PM
Bush demonstration of trademark "deer in headlights" stare
10:40 PM
John Ashcroft Demonstration: New Mandatory Kevlar Chastity Belt
10:45 PM
GOP's Tribute to Tokenism, featuring Colin Powell &Condi Rice
10:46 PM
Ann Coulter's Tribute to "Joe McCarthy, American Patriot "
10:50 PM
Seminar #3: Education: A Drain on Our Nation's Economy
11:10 PM
Hilary Clinton Piqata
11:20 PM
John Ashcroft Lecture: Evolutionists: A Dangerous New Cult
11:35 PM
Blame Clinton
11:40 PM
Newt Gingrich speaks on "The Sanctity of Marriage"
11:41 PM
Announcement: Ronald Reagan to be added to Mt.Rushmore
11:50 PM
Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself
12:00 PM
Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord
3 Comments:
At 11:47 AM, melyssa said…
The sad thing is I started reading this thinking it was the real thing. I didn't realize it was a joke until about half way down. It's a Monday!
At 5:10 PM, Curtis said…
I believe after the Sanctity of Marriage speech there could be an impromptu "To Hell with Lawrence v. Texas let's arrest a homosexual for engaging in sodomy in the privacy of his own home."
At 7:47 PM, Sarah said…
It's so sad, but it could really be the actual line-up (if a few country music acts were added).
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