Cheney: Kerry Victory Signals End Of World!

CHENEY: NOSTRADAMUS WARNED OF KERRY VICTORY

Could Signal End of World, Says Veep

Vice President Dick Cheney made his most dire remarks to date about a November victory by Democratic nominee John Kerry, saying that the French seer Nostradamus warned that Mr. Kerry's election would signal the end of the world.

"Nostradamus made it quite clear that John Kerry's election would be followed shortly thereafter by the end of the universe," Mr. Cheney soberly informed his audience at an Akron, Ohio rally yesterday. "So if you want the world to end, John Kerry is your man."

Mr. Cheney added that if Mr. Kerry were elected, "Rather than seeing the world come to an end I would put the world out of its misery by destroying it myself."

While Mr. Cheney's warnings about a Kerry win have grown increasingly grim in recent days, his claim that Nostradamus (1503-1566) predicted a Kerry-driven apocalypse was extraordinary, even by the standards of today's heated political rhetoric.

But hours after the vice president issued his latest warning, the Nostradamus prediction was powerfully discredited by a newly-formed political action committee calling itself Renaissance French Seers for Truth.

In an ad broadcast in several battleground states by the well-financed seers' group, little-known French seer Henri de Montrachet (1497-1558) is quoted as saying, "I was a seer alongside Nostradamus, and I can tell you this, Nostradamus is lying about John Kerry."

In other campaign news, the Kerry campaign suffered another setback today when the Federal Election Commission informed Mr. Kerry that he had exceeded the federal campaign limit on boat metaphors.

-Borowitzreport.com

Really, that makes just as much sense as Cheney arguing that if Kerry is elected, then another terrorist attack is imminent. Yeah - appeal for votes through sheer fear, even better because it's completely and utterly unproveable. Asshole.