I'll Feel Slightly Guilty Taking $100 From A Public School Teacher

I was in North Carolina this past weekend. Which is important only because....well, no, it's not important at all.

We were at a sports bar on Friday night. I asked them to turn on the Browns/Bears game. Very politely, they explained to me that NLF games were on Sundays. Sometimes Saturdays, but usually Sundays. The unspoken message was, "It's Friday, Stupid Northerner." I tried to disagree (about the game, not the stupid part) to no avail, so then I just sulked because I knew I was right. Anyway, in the midst of the baseball games we were watching, they start showing the NFL scores. I was so irritated. And then one of the tvs was turned to an ever changing NLF game. Irritation abound. I was so confused as to what day it was, obviously. I must have fallen asleep like Rip Van Winkle, and then woke up, but rather than years passed, only a day or two. (Because only SOMETIMES on Saturdays.)

Then some of hers (who I was already bored with and didn't respect in the slightest) makes a comment about my friend being a Type A personality. She's not, she's pretty laid back. Me, I'm a Type A personality. The CDs and DVDs in ABC order. The only black hangers in my closet, all facing the same way, with the clothes grouped together by long and short sleeved shirts, then by color (white, black, red, you get the idea). So I say my friend isn't, but that I am. He comments that he could tell after an hour and a half. Since I was extremely low key for me, both due to sleepiness and b/c I couldn't bother to talk to him, I was slightly taken aback. My friend later explained that it was about the sports. Interesting...I never associated Type A with passion. That's not what I meant by Type A...

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So my friend and I were talking about another housemate who recently got engaged. (There were 5 of us. She was the second to get engaged.) This led to a discussion on who would be the next one married. We concurred that the remaining single housemate would. (Actually, I called her and left a message congratulating her on her upcoming engagement. She called me back later understandably confused, as she isn't even curently dating anyone seriously.) But then we were stuck. Who would follow? More importantly, who would be the Last Housemate Standing? She stubbornly insists it will be her. I know it will be me. However, she is a worthy opponent. We both are from "broken" families. OK, that probably does affect kids in ways that are less than ideal. (But then again, so does growing up in a "together but always fighting family.") Trust issues, committment issues, insert appropriate psycho babble bullshit here. How does it manifest? She chased a gay guy for 4 years in college to avoid committment, and as she admits, when she finally did fall in love with someone she could see herself marrying, she dealt with it maturely...she left the country for 2 1/2 years. Still, me and "It's The End Of The World As We Know It" as my wedding march have her beat I think - romantic song or not. So we made a bet/ $100. First one married loses. Yes, I'll feel bad taking money from a public school teacher, but sometimes, lessons are a bitch. This one is hers. Though the entire bet might be a bit like asking the Hatfields and McCoys who holds a grudge longer.

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But speaking of marraige, Mr. Marriage with Kids is Hell says to me yesterday, "why do you want to get married?" Hmm...I thought of saying I wanted to torture my children with a Greek family like I've been tortured over the years. I thought about saying that I do't want to be a wandering tumbleweed without roots forever. I thought about saying I had secrets I wanted to share, bound by a marriage contract so I could kill my husband if he shared them, at least if I lived in Texas. But the answer is, I just don't know why.

My greatest hear is to turn into an old friend of mine. She used to be one of my best friends, once upon a time. Here's what happened. A month before her 25th birthday, she's miserable because she always pictured herself as married at 25. With kids. No serious boyfriend a month before her birthday - she's in real trouble. So she does that online stuff and basically meets some guy on a Friday, sleeps with him on Sunday, knows she's pregnant by Thursday, and is engaged by Saturday. Yes, all before her 25th birthday. Whew, that was a close call! Anyway, that, even more than "being alone forever" is my greatest fear.

So where was I? Oh, yes, I didn't know. Flash forward four years. And he says, "See, you can't even give a reason. You don't want to be married. You are just brainwashed into thinking you do." Umm...no. Why is red my favorite color? (Well, red, orange, yellow, royal blue, brown, and black.) I have no idea. That doesn't mean that it somehow isn't.

But here's the annoying thing. This isn't the first time we've had this conversation. I'm NOT trying to audition him for the role. At all. I'm not even interested in the role right now. And at best, I have a intellectual crush because he's interesting. At worst, he's no Yoda. I have no idea why we have to discuss marriage with the regularlity that we do. It bores me. Let's go back to whether we are alone in the universe and why Pilates is like a cult. THOSE topics interest me. None of that stuff is affected by our differing views on marriage one day in the future. I fail to understand boys.

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We already know that I abhor house shopping. For the actual house, for the stuff IN the house. Why else haven't I even unpacked when I've owned the house since Memorial Day? Anyway, what does my friend do? Take me to a store called Organized Living. Picture all the everyday and special occasion everything imaginable in one place. OK, a little cooler than hell. Yes, we went there.

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How bright are my friend and I together? We went to Jillians (another grown up Chuck-E-Cheese - anyone else think these places are golden?) Anyway, we went to this game called Electrifying. "Hmm...what does this game do? Let's play it and find out." I need not explain any more. My hand stills hurt...

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They are selling Hurricane Frances rain and wind on Ebay. Can anyone else say, "Ocean Front Property in Arizona??" Is Florida where we send all the dumb people? (Now people in Florida are mad at me. Besides, common sense says Florida people are the SMART ones. They turn on the tap and get people in, say, Iowa, to buy the stuff. Who's the idiot there??

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And speaking of Hurricane Frances, she's almost here. It's been raining all day - fun stuff - but this *isn't* her yet. She arrives after noon. Hmm...what is this then? I guess we will have wind and whatnot. But really, here's my question. It's been raining and cold and windy all summer. Some cities have been flooded since May (not an exaggeration.) How they HELL do they know this rain has anything to do with Hurricane Frances, as opposed to the rain yesterday, two days ago, last week, and next week??

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And more about Frances. I was SO TIRED of hearing about her this weekend. On all the national channels. We have flooding all the time here. No big deal. Plus, stores were out of batteries and flashlights. Umm...hello, you don't already HAVE batteries and flashlights? Huh?? How stupid are you? Plus, Charley just hit you a few weeks ago. What the heck did you do, throw away all your flashlights you bought because of him. You are dumb enough to live in Hurricane Valley, and then act surprised when a hurricane hits? "How could we have known to have a flashlight? We couldn't have foreseen this." Nevermind, I'm back to Floridians being the dumbest people in the country.

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So on Friday, while my friend was at work, I watched VHI’s 100 Hottest Hotties. Or at least from about 25 onward. I think it’s older b/c they commented on Jennifer Lopez being engaged to Ben Affleck. I haven’t been caugh up on my celebrity gossip for the last week or so, and it wouldn’t surprise me if her marriage was already over and she was already engaged, but back with Ben?

Maybe I’m weird (ok, I know I’m weird), but I just don’t get Justin Timberlake as hot. Especially at #14. Although Jemma Jameson was right that he seems flexible. Intriguing... Maybe I should reevaluate?? And Britany Spears as #4 is disgusting. What are people thinking? Ashton Kutcher as #3 is also...appalling to me. I just don’t get him as attractive. I don’t see it. There are a few times I’ll see him in pictures where he looks attractive in the eyes (literally his eyes are attractive) but overall, it just isn’t there. Angelina Jolie as #2? She’s attractive in a crazy way - she may even make the top 15 or so. But #2? And Beyonce is not #1.

And now a few specific reasons why this list is so completely off. Colin Farrell should have been much higher than he was - #12. I’ll just say it. He should have been #1. Colin Farrell is just the hottest man imaginable. Ever. E.V.E.R. I am dead serious. I can’t imagine there is anyone hotter than he is, either right now, anytime in the past, or any time in the future, even when parents can choose the gender, hair color, eye color etc of their children. The only possible way that anyone can ever be anywhere near as attractive as he is is if they clone him. I’m thinking of writing to VHI to protest this list. Because give me a break. No one beats Colin Farrell.

Jennifer Gardner at #13? Please. She should be much higher than that. That is an insult. She’s a top 5 if there ever was one. She can kick your ass this side of Monday. Give me a break. Brad Pitt was up there at #6. They at least had that close. I would put in the top 5. I mean, he’s Brad Pitt. He’s the reason why they make such lists. He’s the only People Magazine Most Beautiful Person twice. Hello. Without Brad Pitt, no one would care about such lists. Give him his due props. And for the record, Johnny Depp at #5 - I can support that. (Current Johnny Depp, not 21 Jump Street Johnny Depp.)

I also saw the Top 20 Things That Made It The Best Summer Ever. (Does VH1 play videos anymore? I don’t think so. I think they just have "top" lists. Don’t get me wrong. I love the lists on things that otherwise, I would never get any thoughts to. Much better than playing videos of the crap they call "music" now. (Oh, I got the Cure’s new CD. It was ALMOST brilliant. I mean, it’s not Disintegration or Wish but it’s not the suckiness that was the more recent Cure albums.)) Fahrenheit 9/11 was #3. The part that makes no sense to me - the Olympics are #2. What does that mean? That means something beat the Olympics. The controversies. The quests. What could beat the Olympic? The #1 was Charla from The Amazing Race. I’m not even kidding. Charla beat the Olympics. I mean, don’t get me wrong, she had Phil in tears in her goodbye speech. But to beat the Olympics, that come over every four years?!? Plus, she came with the bitchy, annoying Mirna cousin who made her little cousin do every single challenge save one? Give me a break. Ugh. Ahh...VH1, you messed up again. Idiots.

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Jeopardy Spoiler for 8 Sept. (highlight): Ken dominates, but he misses Final Jeopardy - again. Third day in a row. Yes, he still wins...but seriously, sooner or later, he's gonna get in trouble, missing all those Final Jeopardy questions.

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Now I heard that Tiger Woods ended his planned wedding to Elin Nordegren . The entire relationship is over I heard. Others deny this. Assuming it's true (and the source generally is right on these things, think that's because he's no longer the #1 golfer in the world??

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"I grounded my inner child last week. Somebody had to discipline the wayward lad, and as the single parent of my inner child, I finally came to the conclusion that I had to be the one to mete out the punishment. It hurt me more than it hurt him, I’m sure, but nobody ever said tough love would be easy."

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I have found a new love. I've always loved Launch.com. What I have now found is the 1980's Alternative Channel. (Like PRE-Nirvana and the prepackaged processed shit that followed.) I am in heaven. I mean, they play the Psychedelic Furs. I forgot how much I loved them. Yay for happiness. I mean, I like the post-Nirvana stuff ok, but I love the earlier stuff. It's like Ten Thinigs I Hate About You:
Bianca: "There's a difference between "like" and "love". I mean, I like my Sketchers, but I love my Prada backpack."
Chasity: "But I love my Sketchers."
Bianca: "That's because you don't have a Prada backpack."

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Hmm...a few of my accepting friends know I am disturbingly obsessed with this guy. He is hysterical. Maybe not someone you'd want to REALLY really know in any reality based world, but hyterical. Really makes my day reading his stuff. I mean, the guy is hysterical. Anyway, the other day he mentions in passing that he's on Friendster, so I go to check out his whatchamacallit. Then I check out the connection details. Six degrees. I so love Kevin Bacon. Without him, the game has no appeal...

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Ok, and REM tickets presale went on sale at 12 today. I had an 11:30 interview - no problem, it's half an hour. EXCEPT it ran over, and I didn't even GET him until two minutes to noon. Which sucks. Because at 12:40 when it finished (and I thought it went well; he was a likable sort and interested in Employment Law. If I had any say in life, which, let's be honest, I don't, I would give him an offer. But I TOLD him I had no say.) Anyway, I am slightly bitter about the whole REM experience b/c I choose the time based on that - I knew that I wouldn't forget to buy the tickets if it coincided with the interview ending. Grr... Seriously - that pisses me off. Schedules people, stick to them please!! This is a National Day of Mourning.