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Vietnam Seeks Confirmation That War Is Over

Bickering Over War Leaves Communists Confused

Citing the persistent bickering over Vietnam in the current U.S. presidential campaign, the president of Vietnam today asked the United States government for “official confirmation” that the Vietnam War is over.

“We were pretty sure that the war was over,” said President Tran Duc Luong, “but we thought it wouldn’t hurt to check.”

Mr. Luong’s request could put President Bush in an awkward position, since if Mr. Bush confirms that the war is over he could leave himself open to charges that he is merely trying to avoid fighting in it.

Indeed, after a reporter at a campaign rally today asked Mr. Bush if the war in Vietnam was over, Mr. Bush set his jaw and replied, “Not on my watch.”

Moments after Mr. Bush suggested that the Vietnam War might in fact be still going on, Vice President Dick Cheney reportedly applied for an historic sixth draft deferment.

Democratic challenger John Kerry, while not saying outright that he would fight in the Vietnam War if it is not over, injected the phrase “reporting for duty” no fewer than seventy times in his latest stump speech.

But a spokesman for Swift Boat Veterans for Truth warned Mr. Kerry that if he intended to return to Vietnam they would follow his every move in a swift boat of their own, rigged with state-of-the-art camera equipment: “If he tries to shoot himself in the ass and get a medal for it, we’ll get it on film.”

Elsewhere, Dan Rather was the surprise winner at the 2004 Emmy Awards, picking up the award for Best Actor in a Comedy.

-Borowitz Report

Ok, we all know that I adore Andy Borowitz, but this one made me spit my smarties all over the computer. Because oh my gosh, he is dead on. I can't believe how much attention is being given to a war how many years over? Enough already. Kerry fought, Bush didn't. Kerry may or may not have exaggerated his injuries. Bush may or may not have shirked his national guard duties. We all get it. Can we focus on the TWO CURRENT wars that Bush has gotten us into, and how to get everyone home safely now?


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