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The Theory of Gravity

Now, everyone know that I love Andy Borowitz. And many know that I don't believe in gravity. So today's Borowitz Report was beyond brilliant. It was for me. The only problem, as a friend pointed out to me, is that is equates me to Georgia, which I don't particularly like.

Murphy’s Law Could Be Next, District Warns A suburban school district in Georgia has thrown itself into the vortex of a legal controversy after deciding to stop teaching the law of gravity as part of its science curriculum.

The Dunnsville Unified School District fired the first salvo in the ongoing debate over the law of gravity last year when it mandated that stickers be affixed to all science texts in the district’s schools indicating that “the law of gravity is a theory, not a fact.”

District superintendent Charles Leverall said that initially it was not Dunnsville’s plan to eliminate teaching the law of gravity altogether, but merely to inform students that there were other equally plausible explanations for why things fall down.

“The law of gravity supposedly began when Sir Isaac Newton saw an apple fall off a tree,” Mr.
Leverall said. “We think students are entitled to know that another way an apple comes off a tree is if a talking serpent tells a naked woman to take a bite from it.”

But after coming under fire for the stickers, Mr. Leverall said that the district decided to stop teaching the law of gravity entirely, and was now moving to ban the teaching of the law of supply and demand, as well as Murphy’s Law.

“There’s absolutely no proof that Murphy’s Law is true, except maybe Iraq,” said Mr. Leverall.

Elsewhere, CBS apologized for interrupting a broadcast of “CSI: New York” last week to announce the death of Yasser Arafat, and promised to interrupt the next death of a foreign leader with a broadcast of “Everybody Loves Raymond.”

How brilliant! Finally, someone gets it!! I mean, don't get me wrong. Gravity has gotten great publicity. But really, where would it be without publicity? Exactly. This is the chance that the anti-gravity-ers (of which I have met one other person in my life, and he may have been mocking me, I'm not sure) have been waiting for.


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