I'm petrified of Alzheimer's

I read this with much excitement, even if it's only 6 months assistance right now. My greatest fear in life, well, along with stairs (my idea of hell are a bunch of stairs) is that I will forget. And I don't mean the chemical symbol for Iron (Fe) or the capital of Sudan (Khartoum) but the stuff that matters. The name of the first boy I kissed. Who my best friend in first grade was. What my favorite color is (ok, that's not fair. It's red, orange, yellow, royal blue, brown, and black.) What my grandmother was like. The names of any future husbands or kids I may have (d'oh, I didn't mean husbands plural!) Where I got the almost faded scar on my knee. I would rather die young then be alive but not remember Who I Am. Or rather, Who I Was. 
 
I went to see The Notebook this weekend. Great book. Ok movie. But the entire premise of it scares me. How can you just forget who you are, who your kids are, who your husband is, who you were, what you felt in life. What type of life are you left with? I don't want to know. I don't want to have to be a shell living. Is it really a good thing to live longer if we aren't living better? I mean, you aren't really living, you are just alive. I am making no sense. Sorry.
She Misses Him (Written by T.Johnson, performed by T. Rushlow)
She shaves his face
She combs his hair
She helps him find his rocking chair
She cooks his meals
She wipes his mouth
And the window that he's looking out
She reads him books
She speaks his name
Oh every day is much the same
She sighs that sigh from deep within
The one that says
She misses him
She misses his gentle touch
And the way he used to make her laugh
She misses the man he was
In all of those old photographs
So strong, so kind, so sweet, so smart
The man who stole her very heart
She misses him
His children come on Saturday
Their at his feet
His grandkids play
It's sad they don't know him at all
He's just the one they call grandpa
They take out his trash
They mow his lawn
Things he can't do since he's been gone
She's grateful that they're pitching in
And like everyone
She misses him
She misses his gentle touch
And the way he used to make her laugh
She misses the man he was
In all of those old photographs
So strong, so kind, so sweet, so smart
The man who stole her very heart
She misses him
And yes they're still together
After all these years
But sometimes you can almost feel
The sadness in her tears
She misses his gentle touch
And the way he used to make her laugh
She misses the man he wasI
n all of those old photographs
So strong, so kind, so sweet, so smart
The man who stole her very heart
She misses him
 
 
Girley Men
This guy really is an idiot. I mean, this just goes to show why he has NO BUSINESS being in politics.  The remark is sexist. And it sounds like a junior high school insult. It works on SNL b/c that not real. Idiot.
 
 
Vacation?
And anyone wanna go on a vacation?? I wanted to go to Seattle September 8-12 (to see the Mariners play the Indians and the Red Sox) but no deal, I have a trial starting in the 13th and the partner on the case said that chances are greater that it will go than it won't.  (This is not the trial with BC, different counsel. Nice. Works together on issues.) Anyway, the fact that it will go to trial disgusts me b/c this is a case I should have won on summary judgment. (The judge hasn't rendered a decision yet; I'm anticipating the loss.)  But so I am desperate to go on a vacation SOONER OR LATER! (At this rate, later, I know!)
 
 
Jeopardy
I also heard two jeopardy spoilers this morning for the next two days. I think that you can highlight here if you want to know. Yes, Ken wins the next two days. Again. Still. I won't tell more b/c I don't remember the specific amounts. But it's credible. I was doubtful last Friday when I heard the spoiler, but damn if he didn't have it right (money at end of jeopardy, double jeopardy, and final amount.)  Understand I am NOT a jeopardy fan. It makes me feel stupid. But I'm all caught up in this excitement. What a loser, I know. I can accept that.
 
 
All fired up...
 Gross.  Yet another reason not to smoke.
 
 
Read Me
And because Jen and Erin always talk about their local Buffalo artists, I wanted to discuss Les Roberts. And if you are from Cleveland and dont' know him, shame! He's great. All the locations he discusses are accurate. You could literally read his books and go to the places he is writing about. And for those not from Cleveland, you still should read his stuff. His books are fast paced, good murder mysteries (among my favorite genre), good plots, interesting characters that you actually care about, a fast read. When I asked Magic 8 Ball whether you should all read him, Magic 8 Ball told me (after telling me to ask again later) "Most Likely." Surely you do not want to be responsibile for defying Magic 8 Ball...
 
 
Random Bazooka Comment
And I had some Bazooka Gum and was reading the comics (reliving my childhood) and I noticed that some of the comics were in English AND Spanish. Definitely NOT like my childhood!
 
 
Endless Possibilities
One of my ultimate favorite poems is a "kids" poem by Shel Silberstein. And while I love the independent brilliance of The Missing Piece and the heartwarming teachings of The Giving Tree,  it is Listen To The Mustn'ts.

Listen to the MUSTN'TS, child

Listen to the DON'TS

Listen to the SHOULDN'TS

The IMPOSSIBLES, the WON'TS

Listen to the NEVER HAVES

Then listen close to me--

Anything can happen, child,

ANYTHING can be.

This is the kind of stuff that kids need to be taught. Now, that doesn't take away from the brilliance that is Robert Frost (my ultimate favorite poet - Nothing Gold Can Stay, The Road Not Taken, Stopping By Woods on Snowy Evening, Mending Wall, Fire and Ice) But that is a great message. We should have stuff like that tattoed on our foreheads so that whenever we start to beat ourselves up, we can just look in the mirror and be reminded of it. I realize it's a bit odd to have one of your favorite poems be a poem that four year olds read, but I don't really care.
 
 
What Might Have Been...
Sure I think about you now and then
But it's been a long long time
I've got a good life now I've moved on
So when you cross my mind
I try not to think about
What might have been
'Cause that was then
And we have taken different roads
We can't go back again
There's no use giving in
And there's no way to know
What might have been
We could sit and talk about this all night long
And wonder why we didn't last
Yes they might be the best days
We will ever know
But we'll have to leave them in the past
So try not to think about
What might have been
'Cause that was then
And we have taken different roads
We can't go back again
There's no use giving in
And there's no way to know
What might have been
That same old look in your eyes
It's a beautiful night
I'm so tempted to stay
But too much time has gone by
We should just say goodbye
And turn and walk away
And try not to think about
What might have been
'Cause that was then
And we have taken different roads
We can't go back again
There's no use giving in
And there's no way to know
What might have been
No we'll never know
What might have been
 
Sigh. Sometimes I think that there are parallel universes, and that in those parallel universes, I've made different choices. Actually, in one of these parallel universes, I'm dead. I died at 17 in a car crash when Timmy took a 90 degree curve at about 60 mph and the car flipped and ended up in a ditch. And no, none of the 4 of us were wearing seat belts. And no, I still don't 99% of the time. And yes, that's incredibily stupid, and a classic example of "do as I say, not as I do." But that aside, I think there are all these parallel universes where I've made different choices (not necessarily better, just different) and sometimes, I wonder what I'm like there. Am I still me, just with different endings? I doubt it. We are so shaped by the decisions we made. Maybe I didn't do a mock trial in eighth grade or I didn't want to be the prosecutor attorney, so maybe I'm not a lawyer now. Maybe I was a teenage mother. Maybe I'm happy. Maybe I'm not. But I can point to a few seminal decisions, some that maybe if I had known how things would end up, the decision would have been otherwise. Of course, that's hindsight; they are not necessarily decisions that I would make differently if I were the same person I was (rather than the person that I am) faced with the same decision at that time (rather than now, or knowing how the first decision turned out).