Recently, Tadvent said:
I don't have an idea of a "right" or "wrong" career or paycheck. I make enough not to care what his career is or how much he makes. It's the great thing about being self-sufficient.
And for looks and cologne and style, I may have a preference (dark "artsy" hair - it's easier to point out than describe, but hang out with me a few times and you'll be able to pick them out too. My secretary can - artistic political type, and Coolwater), but I'm not by any means exclusive with that.
And what exactly is "right" smile? Seriously, I'm not that shallow.
Finally, political values. I don't think this is shallow. I think that this is compatible views of the world. Eden put it fantastically: "this person would have to be fundamentally opposed to many things I hold dear."
They don't have to agree with me on everything. You are right. That is boring. HOWEVER, on fundamental things, I will absolutely exclude someone. It's too important to me. If you really wanted kids, you'd exclude women who were adament against having children. There are certain things that one MUST make a decision on. Politics is mine.
I'm not opposed to conservative friends. I even have a few of them. But I'd be absolutely opposed to a spouse who was conservative. On HOW the world should work, how kids should be raised, how others should be treated, what matters in life, yes, I need to agree with someone. So sorry to disillusion you - I never have, and never will, date the right. And it's not like I'd meet someone and fall for them know knowing. I know usually with the first meeting, but certainly never longer than the third, what their political belief system is and what issues matter to them the most. Call it screening, whatever, I really don't care. I can promise you, not matter what he looked like or what his sense of style was, no matter what job he had or how much he earned, I have never and will never date a conservative. Their "personality" could never be "right" for me.
If the right guy with the right personality and the right career and the right cologne and the right smile and the right paycheck and the right look comes around you will date the "RIGHT".First, how horribly sexist.
Please don't count people out because they don't agree with you, how boring is a relationship when all you do is sit around and agree with one another. Isn't excluding someone because they have differnt political views prejudice?
I don't have an idea of a "right" or "wrong" career or paycheck. I make enough not to care what his career is or how much he makes. It's the great thing about being self-sufficient.
And for looks and cologne and style, I may have a preference (dark "artsy" hair - it's easier to point out than describe, but hang out with me a few times and you'll be able to pick them out too. My secretary can - artistic political type, and Coolwater), but I'm not by any means exclusive with that.
And what exactly is "right" smile? Seriously, I'm not that shallow.
Finally, political values. I don't think this is shallow. I think that this is compatible views of the world. Eden put it fantastically: "this person would have to be fundamentally opposed to many things I hold dear."
They don't have to agree with me on everything. You are right. That is boring. HOWEVER, on fundamental things, I will absolutely exclude someone. It's too important to me. If you really wanted kids, you'd exclude women who were adament against having children. There are certain things that one MUST make a decision on. Politics is mine.
I'm not opposed to conservative friends. I even have a few of them. But I'd be absolutely opposed to a spouse who was conservative. On HOW the world should work, how kids should be raised, how others should be treated, what matters in life, yes, I need to agree with someone. So sorry to disillusion you - I never have, and never will, date the right. And it's not like I'd meet someone and fall for them know knowing. I know usually with the first meeting, but certainly never longer than the third, what their political belief system is and what issues matter to them the most. Call it screening, whatever, I really don't care. I can promise you, not matter what he looked like or what his sense of style was, no matter what job he had or how much he earned, I have never and will never date a conservative. Their "personality" could never be "right" for me.
posted by -Me @ 4/17/2005 04:55:00 PM
7 Comments:
At 6:06 PM,
Sarah said…
They don't have to agree with me on everything. You are right. That is boring. HOWEVER, on fundamental things, I will absolutely exclude someone.
Exactly. That's the reason I couldn't date a conservative, either. Hell, I can't date guys who have bad taste in music or who don't get my sense of humor. I have to be able to understand where they're coming from, and if we differ on things that are important to me, then it can't work. We don't have to agree on everything, but there are certain things I'm not going to compromise on.
You shouldn't have to, either. You're not close-minded just because you have standards.
At 6:22 PM,
Matthew said…
Right on, Stephanie.
Tadvent is basically want you to agree with his check system for relationships. He lists the criteria, tells you what you should and shouldn't care about in a man, and then implies that you're picky and wrong if you don't agree with his (Tadvent's) criteria.
How effing bogus!
Yes, relationships with two people who are way too similar can be boring. We can probably all agree on that. But, like yourself, I'd say that the fundamentals need to be agreed upon - world outlook, philosophy on life, how to raise kids, how to treat people, etc.
Stuff like musical tastes, favorite colors, income, cologne-type, etc. are debatable. Yeah, on one hand it's nice to find someone that you match-up with in those areas, but to me, it isn't vital.
Good for you for not playing into Tadvent's hands, and playing by his rules.
Take care.
At 7:05 PM,
Anonymous said…
I've noticed people on the right trying to spin an expression of political differences as a personal attack - when you're disagreeing with their political argument, they'll say something like, "Why won't you just accept me for who I am? Why are you judging me based on my views?" when what they really mean is, "Why won't you let me say everything that I think and keep your mouth shut?" It's a sneaky attempt to play on liberal notions of tolerance. The "and also why won't you date me?" tag-on is lame.
Basically, what you and everyone else already said.
At 9:16 AM,
Jennifer Wertkin said…
Politics is mine too...I was engaged to a closet republican a few years ago. He sounded all liberal and wonderful and then after we started living together, it all started coming out. (I think he acted liberal to get laid or something). He voted for Bush, was Pro-Life, was involved financially in an "anti-Hillary campaign", and invested money in countries that have horrible human rights abuses. I got the hell outta there before I was barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen
At 9:40 AM,
-Me said…
Tadvent, even now you are *assuming* that the statement is bullshit. It's not.
And while I don't personally know Sarah and Matt, I feel I've read enough of their positions to think that, if they are who they present themselves on their blogs, then it's not bullshit to them either. (I know Jennie, and I know that she and a conservative also wouldn't ever date. Harder for her down where she lives to find decent liberals, I'd bet.)
I think the thing for those with a casual interest in politics can't understand is that for those of us passionate about politics, it is an absolute requirement. And I'm not saying that there aren't other things that I can disagree with and respect, but on fundamental things, I need to agree with them. How am I truly supposed to respect someone who stands up and says that gays and lesbians should not be allowed to teach in public schools like DeMint did. Or countless other comments made by conservative Republicans who represent the "new" breed of neocons? I'm supposed to respect that? Or date someone who did? I couldn't respect that person. If I cared less about politics, yes, I could be shallow and make decisions based on appearance, or even based on other shared interests. But it's fundamental to me. If that means that I'm prejudiced and intolerant because I can't even respect someone who voted for Issue 1 here in Ohio, well, that may be true. But I won't apologize for it.
At 9:43 AM,
-Me said…
I thought it sexist to think that, b/c I'm female, I'd care what the guy's job or salary was, so that I'd just make superficial decisions based on looks. Because I need a man to take care of me and pay my bills. Conversely, how many men care what the woman's career is, or how much she makes? Make decisions based on that??
At 9:43 AM,
-Me said…
Oh, and glad you ran Jen!! That's SO wrong, pretending to be a liberal. LYING about who he was. He was clearly embarassed to be a conservative...
Post a Comment
<< Home