It's the end of the world as we know it...

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20.1.06

In light of the Skating with Celebritites and Dancing with the Stars, my brother wondered just how far reality televisin will go next. Can you just see it: Sleeping with Celebrities? Average Americans sleeping with C level "celebrities."

I'm scared that if that is pitched to Fox, they will pick it up...

And I went rock climbing for the first time ever today at Cleveland Rock Gym, this indoor place in South Euclid. I can barely lift my hands to type. This was incredibly hard for me. First, I have no arm muscles. At all. My leg muscles are decent from soccer and whatnot, but no arm muscles. So climbing was difficult, but not utterly impossible for me. (I didn't use my arms really until the third wall. But the last wall was all arms. Had I not tried that, I think I would have been ok.) But what was miserably impossible for me was once I got to the top.

Ok, the first wall I tried was the far left in this photo. You can see that it inclines. So you get to the top...then what? You are supposed to hold onto the rope (i.e. let go of the rocks that are keeping you from falling!) and lean back.



What the HELL?! Are you f'ing kidding me?? No way in hell am I doing that!!
I sat up there just clinging onto the rocks or dear life for a minute or two. Just hanging out. There was no way I could do that. Let go and lean back??? LEAN BACK? Just sort of free fall?? What?! I tried climbing down the wall in a way but I didn't have the rope to do it. I was miserable. I was making a scene and had no idea what to do. I don't have any memory of getting down this wall.


You see that corner wall second from the left? Not the one that the guy in grey is climbing on, but the maroon one to his left? I'm climbing that one, and using the red one as well so it's like a 90 degree place. Which gets smaller. Where the hell do you do that? It's impossible. I'm on that thing but I'm stuck b/c the corner is so small and my feet are the wrong way. I'm stuck, unsure where to go, and frustrated. Exasperated, I call out, "I'm not smart enough for this." Well, evidently, this is a weird statement to make. Later, some guy came up to me when I was on the ground to laugh and me and tell me that in all his time climbing (14 years) he's never heard that and there should be a board of quotes. Great. We had one of those in college. I was never good to be put on that board. (Our "board" was puffy paint on the window.)

Now, when I say that I was not comfortable falling, you have to understand that while getting up was ok (ok, not ok, I had a hard time, but not impossible) saying I was "not comfortable falling" is an incredible under-exaggeration (is that a word?)

Even after that first wall, once I got to the top, tears would form in my eyes when I realized that that meant. I was not able to get down. EVERY time - and I do mean every time - I finally got down from the wall I was shaking. I am a control freak (big chorus of, "you? really? No!" from my friends, who can all go to hell.) And god help me, the one time that I lost my grip on the wall and fell (when I wasn't expecting to) I screamed for a moment, then I got myself back on the wall, and started to climb again, and said, "I want down." My instructed, trying to be supportive, says, "oh, no, you got it, keep going." "No, I want down." I insist. More positive team rah rah bullshit. "I want down, I want down, I want down, I want down." (At least I think that's what I said. I meant to, at least.) I was so panic stricken at this point. By now, I'm almost hyperventilating and my arms won't stop shaking and so I can't hold only anything. I get down and I wasn't just slightly shaking but full out, panic stricken, my hands won't stay still shaking. I sat on the floor while my friend climbed the wall and even when she got off the wall, I was still shaking. At least I wasn't hyperventilating anymore though, right? (Later that night, I did conquor that wall. Pride wouldn't allow me not to.)

AND I broke my nail. The nails that are left are digusting and dirty.

I hate things that I'm a failure at. It frustrates me to no end to suck at something. There was one wall I never made it up. Hell, I never made it beyond about four movies - and two of those moves were side to side. It was quite pathetic. And the thing is, I can't even figure out how to get up it.

Also, I realized that I've never participated in a solo sport. I always participated in team sports against an opponent. This was me against the wall. No teammates. No opponents. Just me. (No, I've never been a runner for the same reason.) It was definitely different.

Finally, I have this friend. Except we're currently not talking, so I guess he's not a friend. I'm not really sure why. Anyway, my friends and I were talking about him today. It's important to know that they can't stand him. Actual hatred, I fear. So one commented, "I think that he is f'ed up. ... It sucks, but maybe you'll meet the man of your dreams/next guy with a crap load of issues at the auction." Ever supportive, the second replied, "Ah to dream the impossible dream...maybe this one will have mother issues too." Just for the record, I'm not into mommy issues. Emotionally unavailable assholes who aren't interested, yeah, I'm all over that. But mommy issues? Please. Who needs that bullshit?

7 Comments:

  • At 2:09 AM, Blogger derek said…

    That wall looks like fun :-)...I wouldn't try it without the bungee though.

    Come on...the auction might be fun. At the least, it might give you something funny to blog about ;-).

     
  • At 9:45 AM, Blogger Jen(nifer) said…

    Your friends are funny. Try at the next auction...he he he.

     
  • At 1:45 PM, Anonymous Jennie said…

    If you don't like coming down a climbing wall, are you going to like skydiving? Just a thought.

    (I thought rappelling down the wall was fun but you could never get me to jump out of an airplane...)

     
  • At 3:46 PM, Blogger Me said…

    Derek, I'm not backing out of the auction! And you are right, it will make blog fodder then.

    Jen - What can I say?

    Jennie, I've been skyding before. I can do that! :)

     
  • At 11:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Your friends probably just "say" they hate your mystery friend because they are trying to make you feel better. He is probably a pretty cool guy. Probably handsome too!

     
  • At 12:08 AM, Blogger Me said…

    Mystery friend? Which one? The guy or the two girls making the comments?

    Oh, he's hot. They all say that. But I really think that they do dislike him. It's my opinion that matters anyway. :)

     
  • At 1:45 AM, Blogger derek said…

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

     

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