Need A Job? How About Mayor Of Cleveland??

For all my friends searching for a job: If you go to Monster.com, and type in "Mayor" and "Cleveland," you will find an opening for Mayor of a Major City in the United States.

Job Description
Seeking qualified applicants for mayor of a major city in the United States – recently named No. 1 in poverty. Successful candidate will have a proven managerial track record and significant experience as a change agent in “turn-around” situations. Work experience must be significant and will be carefully reviewed. Applicant must have the skill to develop metrics for each of the city’s departments, oversee advisory boards that will advise department heads in both best practices and fresh organizational and managerial concepts. Successful applicant will possess the skill to interact with local constituencies and to embrace community ideas and to sell advanced concepts that can both improve city services while reducing costs. Applicant must have the skill to streamline and modernize the goals and objectives of city departments, and reduce current bureaucratic processes. Applicant must be charismatic, and be able to inspire and lead through adversity to achieve strategic vision. Residence in the city is required. Campaign will be well funded by concerned citizens with passion for the city, and who will help on a continuing basis. Send resume in confidence.

Need further convincing? How about some basics?
Company: Confidential
Location:US-OH-Cleveland
Status: Full Time, Employee
Job Category: Executive Management
Relevant Work Experience: 7+ to 10 Years
Career Level: Senior Executive (President, CFO, etc)
Occupation: Executive Management, Other
Education Level: Bachelor's Degree

Fewer things strike me as funny right now as this does. I mean, we just advertised a mayorial position -- subject to an election -- on MONSTER. Yes, that is how you know that you have fallen far. I'm a little concerned about these "concerned citizens with a passion for Cleveland." Let's say that you run for office - fully funded by them, as promised. Let's now stretch reality and say that you won. These "concerned citizens" are going to "help on a continuing basis." Does that mean that once mayor, you have to answer to them? That they are calling the shots, and you are just like the Queen of England, just a figurehead? That's of concern. If they are paying for your campaign, when do they collect and what is that collection? Just something for my friends, who are updating their resumes, to consider.

(Originally discovered by Regina Brett at the Plain Dealer. The article is here.)

"Colored children" and segreagated schools still part of Alabama's Constitution.

I missed this November 2 travesty until Truth Out called it to my attention:

Alabama Vote Opens Old Racial Wounds
School Segregation Remains a State Law as Amendment Is Defeated

By Manuel Roig-Franzia
Washington Post Staff Writer
Sunday, November 28, 2004; Page A01

TUSCALOOSA, Ala. -- On that long-ago day of Alabama's great shame, Gov. George C. Wallace (D) stood in a schoolhouse door and declared that his state's constitution forbade black students to enroll at the University of Alabama.

He was correct.

If Wallace could be brought back to life today to reprise his 1963 moment of infamy outside Foster Auditorium, he would still be correct. Alabama voters made sure of that Nov. 2, refusing to approve a constitutional amendment to erase segregation-era wording requiring separate schools for "white and colored children" and to eliminate references to the poll taxes once imposed to disenfranchise blacks.

The vote was so close -- a margin of 1,850 votes out of 1.38 million -- that an automatic recount will take place Monday. But, with few expecting the results to change, the amendment's saga has dragged Alabama into a confrontation with its segregationist past that illuminates the sometimes uneasy race relations of its present.

The outcome resonates achingly here in this college town, where the silver-haired men and women who close their eyes and lift their arms when the organ wails at Bethel Baptist Church -- a short drive from Wallace's schoolhouse door -- don't have to strain to remember riding buses past the shiny all-white school on their way to the all-black school.

"There are people here who are still fighting the Civil War," said Tommy Woods, 63, a deacon at Bethel and a retired school administrator. "They're holding on to things that are long since past. It's almost like a religion."

There are competing theories about the defeat of Amendment 2, the measure that would have taken "colored children" and segregated schools out of Alabama's constitution. One says latent, persistent racism was to blame; another says voters are suspicious of all constitutional amendments; and a third says it was not about race but about taxes.

The amendment had two main parts: the removal of the separate-schools language and the removal of a passage -- inserted in the 1950s in an attempt to counter the Brown v. Board of Education ruling against segregated public schools -- that said Alabama's constitution does not guarantee a right to a public education. Leading opponents, such as Alabama Christian Coalition President John Giles, said they did not object to removing the passage about separate schools for "white and colored children." But, employing an argument that was ridiculed by most of the state's newspapers and by legions of legal experts, Giles and others said guaranteeing a right to a public education would have opened a door for "rogue" federal judges to order the state to raise taxes to pay for improvements in its public school system.

The argument plays to Alabama's primal fear of federal control, a fear born of years of resentment over U.S. courts' ordering the desegregation of schools and the creation of black-majority legislative districts.

"Activists on the bench know no bounds," Giles said. "It's a trial lawyer's dream."

Giles was aided by a virtually unparalleled Alabama celebrity in his battle against the amendment, distributing testimonials from former chief justice Roy Moore, whose fame was sealed in 2003 when he defied a federal court order to remove a two-ton granite Ten Commandments monument from the rotunda of the Alabama Supreme Court. They were joined by former Moore aide Tom Parker, who handed out miniature Confederate flags this fall during his successful campaign for a seat on the Alabama Supreme Court.

Arguing that the amendment could lead to higher taxes is a potent strategy in Alabama, which is one of the nation's most lightly taxed states and which resoundingly rejected a record $1.2 billion tax increase proposed last year by Gov. Bob Riley (R), a conservative, to pay for school improvements and lessen the tax burden on the poor. But many blacks view the Amendment 2 opponents' tax pitch as a smoke screen.

As the vote results sink in, the deacons and the Bible-toting ladies at the Bethel church here have spoken of dark conspiracies, of sinister agendas. They speak from experience.

Vertia Killings, 72, was riding on a bus that had to be rerouted because of the commotion at the University of Alabama on the day Wallace -- who eventually renounced his segregationist past -- made his stand. Her father, Benny Mack, paid a $45 poll tax and "ate a little less" because of it, she said. Others chose to eat instead of vote.

Killings does not see the amendment's defeat as a matter of mere symbolism, even though Alabama's constitutional ban on integrated schools was trumped -- then and now -- by federal law. She has watched school testing results with growing uneasiness.

Black students in Alabama have struggled on some national tests, with 73 percent of black eighth-graders rated below basic competency in math, compared with 32 percent of white eighth-graders. Killings also frets about Alabama schools -- just as schools in many other parts of the country -- steadfastly resegregating. This phenomenon, which is getting increased attention among national education experts, is attributed to a kaleidoscope of factors, including the suburban migration of white families, private school expansion and the rising popularity of home schooling among white conservatives.

"It seems like we're having a reversal," Killings said.

It matters not at all to Killings and her friends that the amendment's opponents say they want to remove the segregated-schools portion of the constitution but cannot abide by guaranteeing a public education and fear mandates for higher education taxes. The people who are most affected by poorly funded schools are the same people who were affected in another era by poll taxes: poor blacks and poor whites.

"I don't know but a few black folks who can afford to send their kids to private school," said Charles Steele Jr., a former Democratic member of the Alabama legislature who lives here and is national vice president of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference.

This is not the first time that Steele has tangled with Alabama's constitution, a gigantic document that has more than 740 amendments and more than 310,000 words, making it the world's longest, at nearly 40 times the length of the U.S. Constitution. Four years ago, voters repealed a constitutional amendment banning interracial marriage.

The state constitution, which most historians agree was written to protect large landowners and to disenfranchise blacks, is so riddled with antiquated wording that some high school students in Birmingham make an annual trip to the city library for a project known as the search for "the loony laws."

Yet the constitution, with its racist past and its racist present, only grows. On Nov. 2, it was amended three times -- numbers 743, 744 and 745.

Giles has said he would support taking out the passage about separate schools for "white and colored children" as long as the part about not guaranteeing a right to an education is kept.

Ken Guin, the Democratic House majority leader who wrote Amendment 2, is talking about trying again. Next time, he said, he might do it Giles's way.

The End Is Near

Just a friendly obsessive reminder: As of Friday, November 26, 2004 Ken Jennings

has won $2,491,700 over 73 shows on Jeopardy. Thus, Monday will be his 74th show -- the last show that he allegedly wins -- and Tuesday will be the milestone 75th show that he allegedly loses to Sharon.


ETA: Someone told me that Ken loses on his 74th show, not his 75th show, and that means that he loses today!!

So they were wrong - which means that it IS tomorrow, Tuesday, when he loses.

Zip Up

From Bitch Has Word:





Bush: Hey, it's getting a bit chilly here.
Putin: Really? They elected him?

Is Separation of Church and State About To Fall?

Separation of church and state has been a staple in the United States for over two hundred years. Justice Scalia disagrees.

U.S. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia said Monday that a religion-neutral government does not fit with an America that reflects belief in God in everything from its money to its military.

"I suggest that our jurisprudence should comport with our actions," Scalia told an audience attending an interfaith conference on religious freedom at Manhattan's Shearith Israel synagogue.

. . .

Scalia told them that while the church-and-state battle rages, the official examples of the presence of faith go back to America's Founding Fathers: the word "God" on U.S. currency; chaplains of various faiths in the military and the legislature; real estate tax-exemption for houses of worship - and the phrase "under God" in the Pledge of Allegiance.

Well damn. This is the same guy who calls himself a strict constructionalist. He says that he can single handedly know what the Founding Fathers intended in writing the Constitution, and decries interpreting it to reflect the changing times. So how does he conform that belief with the First Amendment?

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of
religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of
speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and
to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

This separation of church and state which Scalia is so eager to do away with, consistent with our values(?) IS part of what was intended by our Founding Fathers. In 1802, President Jefferson - one of those pesky Founding Fathers who Scalia emulates except when he wants to rule another way - wrote a letter to a group of Baptists in Danbury, Connecticut, where he stated was the purpose of the First Amendment to build a wall of separation between Church and State. It seems ironic that Scalia doesn't want to follow Jefferson's intent, that he wants the courts to rule consistent with America's "values," while at the same time, he holds himself out as a strict constructionalist.

(As for his statement concerning the phrase "under God" in the Pledge, I am sure that Justice Scalia know that the words "under God" were actually added to the Pledge in 1954 - in response to the Cold War. At that time, the phrase was intended to distinguish the US from communism and everything it represented. THAT certainly wasn't anticipated by the founding fathers.)

I am lawyer, hear me roar

First, I have this case that deals with ERISA. Which I don't know or understand. Can't people just sexually harass someone. Pension claims? Huh? So anyway, I have a MSJ due soon (one I already got an extension for b/c I'm incompetent and have no idea what the case is about), and Yoda expressed doubt to me. About me. :( I was beyond crushed as, I'll let a secret out of the bag here -- I hero worship Yoda.

Yoda: Do you feel ok about this case? I'm sensing you don't get it.
Me: (Lying through my teeth): No, I feel ok about it.
Yoda: Are you sure? Because I'm not sure that you understand the issues in this case.
Me: (Thinking: "Issues...ummm...he's suing us. That's an issue.") Well, how about this? I'll give you the facts on Tuesday, and you can look over it. That way, if I'm wrong, you have three weeks to draft the facts and argument yourself.

So that was what we agreed. I was here until 1 am Monday night finishing the facts. I had no idea what I needed included to win this case. You know, usually you know the facts, and it's the law that matters. But here, I didn't even know what FACTS I wanted to get across. NOT a good plan of attack.

BUT I got it back, and Yoda liked it. Hip hip, hurrah!

Second, I learned that in Maryland, caselaw discussing rape refer to it as "carnak knowledge of female." How very...disturbing.

Dan Rather to step down at CBS News anchor

Wonder if this was a choice...

I still don't get it. Clinton lies about getting a blow job. Impeached. Bush lies to start a war preemptively where 1222 Americans have already died in combat (not counting beheadings, etc). Nothing. Rather either lied or, more likely, did a shoddy job, if any, researching documents that were given to him, and he's essentially fired.

Are our priorities fucked up or what?

Santorum

Oh, one thing that I learned playing Texas Hold'Em Saturday night had absolutely nothing to do with poker. I learned that if you go to Google and type in Santorum (for the Pennsylvania Senator) Google's first hit, gives a new meaning to the word. I will not define it here, but I encourage all those interested (who have been, as I obviously have, living under a rock for the last year) to check it out. It's somewhat disgusting, referencing an anal sex residue, but I can think of few people who deserve such a definition more...

I've been listening to Christmas music all day long. Mostly the Trans-Siberian Orchestra, with a bit of Bob Rivers and the Fav Four thrown in. I love the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. I have decided to compromise and not hang my "holiday" lights until after Thanksgiving. It gives me something to do on Friday at home, and next Monday at work. (They are holiday lights b/c they are blue and clear.)

So relatives are descending upon my house for Thansgiving this week. We're desperately hoping that nothing gets broken. Every time they come, I spend the next week doing laundry; five extra people, two towles each, washcloths - it doesn't ever end! Ugh! The positive thing; as a housewarming gift, they actually bought me 4 sets of towels. I think for when they come into town. The actual Thanksgiving dinner is being held at my aunt and uncle's place. The bad news: they don't allow alcohol in their house, and to deal with them, one should definitely not be sober. I am not biased; I think last year my grandfather (complying with the letter, if not the spirit, of my uncle's rules, had a bottle of wine of wine in his car, and conveniently had to keep going outside for some reason. I was thinking, maybe making a mudslide before I left my house and then telling them it's a slush. Whadya think?

So what have I learned this weekend? First, I learned that I'm bad at math. I went to cook chili b/c I thought it would be positive if I had food for my relatives. Anyway I was at Costco, which just might be the best store ever created, and I needed 1.5 pounds of ground meat. There was a bag that was 6 pounds, and I figured it was ok, that means that I would use 2 pounds, a bit more, but easy to divide. (Yes, I could have gone to the grocery store to get less. I didn't want to.) So I get the 6 pound ground meat. I get home, I divide it into three sections, and put in two sections of it. I knew that was a little more meat (.5 pounds) than consistent with the rest of my recipe in terms of the chili powder, tomatos, beef broth, and vegtables, but really, what is half a pound?

Not until TODAY when putting it on tupperware did it occur to me that if I had a 6 pound bag of meat and I put in 2/3 of it, that meant I put in 4 pounds of beef - which suddenly made sense why it was so friggin thick. The sad thing - chili is one of the few things that I actually DO know how to cook.

So here's my thing. I am guessing that it is relatively bland, since all the seasoning is based on a recipe with 1.5 pounds of meat. It is also really thick, not enough liquid (for the same reason.) The remainder of the beef (which is in the freezer) actually IS about 2 pounds. Should I just make new chili for them??

I am so not cookingly inclined. :(

I came in third place in the Texas Hold'Em game on Saturday night. Go me! Ok, there were only six of us, but prior to that, I had won a total of ONE hand in, like, 100+ hands. So this was major excitement for me. What I learned is that I make people made who bid after me b/c I'll stay in when I have nothing just b/c I want to know what the person who is raising has. Evidentally, it scares people out. My theory - you know that I do that. Why on earth would it make you think anything?? Anyway, third place meant that I got to get my enterance fee back. All $10 of it. I am not sure if I could have done better. I doubt it, but I was getting really bored. So I went in on one hand before I even looked at my two cards. I ended up winning that hand and doubling my money. Grr... So the next hand I went all in again and that time I lost. It was like the game that never ends. They raised the blinds for people with kids or whatever. OK, the first time they told me this, I thought they meant that would put the blinds up and down so you didn't realize how long you were gone and care about the kids. They explained t0 me it was a way to control the length of the game. Well, duh...

Sunday I had a baby shower. But this guy who gave me the thumbs up on the freeway (I later learned over my bumper sticker) apparently followed me from the freeway to this baby shower. I got out of my car, and he pulled up behind me. His opening line was telling me that I looked like a Republican. I pointed out I looked like someone who just came from church. He informed me that he didn't believe in God, refused to get married in a church, and would that a problem. I told him not to me. Let me just reinforce the fact that I've never seen this person before. in my life. He told me that we were going for coffee. I told him I don't drink coffee and I had to get to a party b/c I was already late. It wasn't even my house, I lived on the other side of town. He tells me it's a problem that I live on the other side of town b/c he doesn't cross the river. (It's a Cleveland thing.) It went in in this vein. It was the most bizarre conversation I've ever had - and I've had some bizarre conversations.

Now back to ERISA...

Got Blue?

No game, but NO game, matters as much as Ohio State/Michigan. In fact, ESPN ranked it the best rivalry in sports.

When Ohio Stadium opened in 1922, Michigan spoiled the party with a 22-0 victory. The rivalry was heated in the early days as both have been long-time college football powers. But it got even hotter in 1969, when Bo Schembechler took over as Michigan's coach and upset Woody Hayes' No. 1-ranked, undefeated Buckeyes. Four times in the next six years, both teams were ranked in the top five when they met. In 1970 and 1973, both were undefeated (they tied 10-10 in '73). From 1970 through 1975, Michigan entered without a loss every year. The Wolverines won just once. Ohio State was 9-0-1 in 1993, 11-0 in 1995 and 10-0 in 1996. The Buckeyes lost each time. That is rivalry.

Yes, nothing pleases the other team more than ruining the other teams chances at a national champtionship. In the words of Michael Moore, "Once again we are reminded that the buckeye is a nut, and not just any old nut - a poisonous nut." And today, the nut poisoned Michigan's hopes for the Rose Bowl, 37-21. (Go Wisconsin - we did our part. Your future is in your hands...) 16 points. Three scores.

I have to admit, I was a bit nervious going into the second half when we were up by only 3 points, especially when we had seven tries from the one yard line and ended with only three points at the end of the second quarter. Especially when Michigan has looked stronger in the second half all season long. (Michigan has outscored opponents, 192-108 in the second half this season, while Ohio State has been outscored, 93-92 in the second half.)

There is so much tradition in 101 years. Bo Schembechler and Woody Hayes (1969-1978). From 1968-1980, the winner of The Game went to the Rose Bowl as Big 10 Champion. From 1995-2003, the game carried national championship implications 6 of those 9 years. Even the marching bands get into it: Script Ohio (first performed in 1936) with the dotting of the "i." The last game of the season (ok, that tradition began in 1936). But it's a thing of beauty.

How important is this game? There is a saying that Ohio State can lose every game of the season, and as long as they beat Michigan, it was a good season. Ok, not that's not quite true, it's a slight exaggeration. But it's true that it is the MOST important game of the season. As the book One Game Season: Ohio State vs. Michigan says:

The "Big Game" is much more than just winning:The 'Big Game' has decided the Big Ten championship 32 times since the contest was moved to the last Saturday in the season in 1935; on 18 of those occasions, Michigan and Ohio State settled the title between themselves. The throne atop the Big Ten, as well as a trip to the Rose Bowl, is usually the reward for a victory in this contest.

One Game Season, p. 356.

Personally, I would have loved to run the score up on Michigan. But I'll take a 16-point win. This years seniors (of which Nugent is one of them - perhaps the best kicker in college football ever, and I'm not just biased b/c I've spent four years praying to him: "please make this, please make this, please make this...") went 3-1 against Michigan. Three and one. Congrats, kids. Let me say once more: three and one.

Someone compared this game to three years ago (at the Big House) when Ohio State came in with a 6-4 record and shocked number 11 Michigan. And let me remind you what happened TWO years ago... ;-) Amazing what a 7-4 season does for one's spirits as long as the Michigan game is in that 7 and not in that 4... (In other words, yeah this season is better than last season where we only lost 2 games.)

Say whatever you want about Tressel, but he understands the importance of Ohio State Michigan in a way that Cooper never did.

And let me give a shout out to a former Ohio State player. Craig Krenzel has won the first three starts of his NLF career with the Bears. Perhaps one can argue that the Bears are winning despite him, but at the end of the day he is 3-0 as a starter.

College

So I went to a small college that has remained nameless on this blog. (There were only about 1600 students at the time, now about 2000 students.) Anyway, I haven't ever mentioned the school that I attended (in other words, no Googling my school and getting to my blog.)

Anyway, imagine my surprise today when I saw that someone at my college read my blog. Even more than that, I know what building they were in, and they were in the political science building (my major; I spent a lot of time in that building. More so in the philosophy building, but lots of time in that poly sci building).

And I've been out of college for over 6 going, on 7 years (NO FUCKING WAY IS IT THAT LONG?! OMG! I'M OLD) So it's not like I know anyone left at the school.

This is tuly a small world after all. I thought that was rather cool.

And yes, I am such a dork.

(Oh, and a future work clique member was online today, from her law school in Columbus Ohio. Hi J! She has one semester before she takes the bar exam, then joins our firm. Yay! She also recently got married and went on her honeymoon - a better use than I ever made of third year! For the record, I am desperate to go have martinis J! Bomb pops. YUM! Are you coming to the Christmas party?? Jim said he fears that it won't be as wild as in years past without, well, three people who left before you started this summer. I tend to agree. Then again, when attorneys and staff hook up (married on both parts) I'm not so sure that a somewhat tamer party is a bad thing - though I will miss SP on karaoke!)

Iran

There aren't enough deathbed confessions, don't you think?

And at least SOMEONE is concerned with the weak dollar. Because our administration surely isn't. That generally isn't an indicator that your economy is doing well.

And how the hell are we going to attack ANOTHER country? Seriously. Our troops are already overextended.

In an eerie repetition of the prelude to the Iraq war, hawks in the administration and Congress are trumpeting ominous disclosures about Iran's nuclear capacities to make the case that Iran is a threat that must be confronted, either by economic sanctions, military action, or "regime change."
* * * *
But an administration official said that a military strike or sabotage was not out of the question - "you never take the military option off the table," he said - and that in any case it was "money in the bank" for Iran to be concerned about such an option, because it might be goaded into a more conciliatory approach to the United States.

If we have the draft reinstated, I want everyone who voted for Bush to be drafted first.

Increasing Federal Debt Limit - Go Fiscal Conservativism

The Republicans truly have left any notion of the party of fiscal conservativism. The Senate approved an $800 billion increase to raise the federal debt limit. (Let that sink in a moment - $800 billion.) This will allow the government to borrow up to $8.2 trillion. (Again, $8.2 trillion. With a "TR.") (Hmm...it must just be a coincidence that Republicans waited until after the election.)

Homecoming Causes Homosexuality

Flamingo Jones reported that in Texas, a Homecoming generations old tradition where boys dress like girls and vice versa was cancelleled after a parent complained about the event's homosexual overtones.

As a substitute for "TWIRP Day," the schools ranging from
elementary to senior high decided to hold "Camo Day" -- with black boots and
Army camouflage to be worn by everyone who wants to participate. . . . "It's
like experimenting with drugs," Davies said. "You just keep playing with it and
it becomes customary. ... If it's OK to dress like a girl today, then why is it
not OK in the future?"

Shit. You have got to be kidding me. I can't even put it any better than she did: "So, as long as you're gay-hating, gun-toting, god-fearin' folk, you get to change long-standing school tradition to conform to your every nit-picky little whim."

Gak. Really, this is getting out of control. It's a fun tradition. It's supposed to play with stereotypes, you know, that only the man can ask the woman out. Oh, no, empowering women, what an awful tradition! And how dare they make anything fun?? Or social. I'd like to think this would happen only in Texas...but I fear not.

69

Where The Dolphins Play linked to a story that claimed that conservatives were pushing to rename highways:

John Hostettler, the Congressman representing the 8th district of Indiana, has been convinced by local religious groups to introduce legislation in the House that would change the name of an Interstate 69 extension to a more moral sounding number.

Now it turns out that this particular story is a hoax, but why was it so believable to so many people? Probably because the religious right has attacked far more mundane things.

WTDP actually listed several town names that will have to be changed for identical reasons (with a few more provided in the comments section). If you live in one of these towns, you might want to think before you order that stationary - it wasn't true...yet, but they've only been in control for three weeks:

Beaver, OK
Climax, CO
Intercourse, PA
Shafter, CA
Hell, AZ
Cumback, IN
Bald Knob, AR
Fort Dick, CA
Poopoo, HI
Blue Ball, AR
Dick, CO
Fruitland, ID
Balls Town, IN
Beaver Lick, KY
Belcher, LA
Gay Head, MA
Knob Lick, MO
Square Butt, MT
Spread Eagle, WI
Oral, SD
Sweet Lips, TN
Ding Dong, TX
Threeway, VA
Blue Ball, PA

Anyone else laughing over how many of these are in red states?

Amending The Constitution For Ar-Nold

So Schwarzenegger has made it abundantly clear that he wants to run for President in ‘08. There are even ads urging the Constitution to be changed to allow him to run. The debate is rampant, both for and against. There have been proposals in Congress. I'm against it, for the record.

First, let’s recall his politics.

Here’s the thing. I don't think that Schwarzenegger is qualified (or even competent) to be president simply because he can quote movie lines and people in California decided that makes one qualified to be governor. But let’s take his quest seriously and assume that he somehow is qualified.

Remember his speech at the RNC where he talked about “if you support X, Y, and Z, then you are a Republican?” Let’s look at those X, Y, and Zs in detail: Schwarzenegger is pro-choice ("I'm for choice. The women should have the choice. The women should decide what they want to do with their bodies. I'm all for that.” The O'Reilly Factor, May 2001), pro-gun control, supports the Brady Bill and wants to close loopholes in the law (“I don't run around every day with a gun in my hand. So I want kids to understand the difference; one is make believe, like we do in the movies. But in reality, I'm for gun control. I'm a peace-loving guy.”), pro-gay rights and civil unions or other domestic partnership (“I have no sexual standards in my head that say 'this is good' or 'this is bad.' Homosexual -- that only means to me that he enjoys sex with a man and I enjoy sex with a woman. It's all legitimate to me.”), pro-stem cell research. In my world, that’s called a Democrat.

Not to say that he doesn’t have a few conservative tendencies: he doesn’t generally support the legalization of drugs (except the medicinal use of marijuana) favors school vouchers, and supports prayer in school. Blah, double blah, and triple blah. But that's about it. Even looking at his (alleged) fiscal conservativism (which doesn't represent the Republican Party any longer, with it's big government intrusions and high deficit, but I digress), California’s budget isn’t under control and he hasn’t reduced the deficit. He has more liberal tendencies than conservative ones. I bring this up only b/c I don't want to be accused of being against him running b/c he is of the other party. Wake up. He isn't. He is Republican in name only.

In fact, if the Christian Right truly can’t vote for a candidate, then not a single one of them could vote for Schwarzenegger (and that’s when I suspect that you’d find out just how hypocritical the Church actually has become - and how it has nothing to do with abortion but everything to do with money. I would expect them to trip over themselves supporting the pro-choice Schwarzenegger as President.) Just my two cents on his "electibility" from the perspective of the right -- and whether they actually want him to hold such a position, if they wanted to stay consistent.

So here’s my real concern. First, if they manage to amend the Constitution to allow foreign born citizens to run for President BUT THEY CAN'T GET AN AMENDMENT PASSED FOR EQUAL RIGHTS FOR WOMEN, I'll have issues. Major ones. Second, would any other country allow an American who is a citizen of their country (even for X amount of years) to run for President (or other highest office in the country)? Absolutely not. (And I understand that just because you were born here doesn’t make you worthwhile. Look at Timothy McVeigh. Total scum. I have no question that Madeline Albright, Jennifer Granholm, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are much more deserving than he is.) Third, doesn't that open a dangerous slippery slope? He may not be influenced, but who is to say that a candidate in the future wouldn't be? Not that our own home grown candidates aren't influenced in various ways, but it's not quite the same. Americans know better than most what patriotism they have merely for being born on US soil. It permeates everything, including sporting events. It may be somewhat naive to think that there isn't some attachment to the country of one's birth, no matter how long removed. And we might as well let the rest of the world vote for our president. And why allow foreign born citizens? Why not abolish the 2 term limit? The framers probably didn't *really* intend that foreign born citizens barred from being president.

Do I have problems with his politics? For the most part, no. Do I have a problem with this proposed Constitutional Amendment? Absolutely, yes.

The Theory of Gravity

Now, everyone know that I love Andy Borowitz. And many know that I don't believe in gravity. So today's Borowitz Report was beyond brilliant. It was for me. The only problem, as a friend pointed out to me, is that is equates me to Georgia, which I don't particularly like.

GEORGIA SCHOOLS TO STOP TEACHING LAW OF GRAVITY
Murphy’s Law Could Be Next, District Warns A suburban school district in Georgia has thrown itself into the vortex of a legal controversy after deciding to stop teaching the law of gravity as part of its science curriculum.

The Dunnsville Unified School District fired the first salvo in the ongoing debate over the law of gravity last year when it mandated that stickers be affixed to all science texts in the district’s schools indicating that “the law of gravity is a theory, not a fact.”

District superintendent Charles Leverall said that initially it was not Dunnsville’s plan to eliminate teaching the law of gravity altogether, but merely to inform students that there were other equally plausible explanations for why things fall down.

“The law of gravity supposedly began when Sir Isaac Newton saw an apple fall off a tree,” Mr.
Leverall said. “We think students are entitled to know that another way an apple comes off a tree is if a talking serpent tells a naked woman to take a bite from it.”

But after coming under fire for the stickers, Mr. Leverall said that the district decided to stop teaching the law of gravity entirely, and was now moving to ban the teaching of the law of supply and demand, as well as Murphy’s Law.

“There’s absolutely no proof that Murphy’s Law is true, except maybe Iraq,” said Mr. Leverall.

Elsewhere, CBS apologized for interrupting a broadcast of “CSI: New York” last week to announce the death of Yasser Arafat, and promised to interrupt the next death of a foreign leader with a broadcast of “Everybody Loves Raymond.”

How brilliant! Finally, someone gets it!! I mean, don't get me wrong. Gravity has gotten great publicity. But really, where would it be without publicity? Exactly. This is the chance that the anti-gravity-ers (of which I have met one other person in my life, and he may have been mocking me, I'm not sure) have been waiting for.

Strolling Down Memory Lane Of My Parents Divorce

Actually, they aren't divorced; they've just been legally separated for over half my life. So that was misleading. This came up in a conversation today. Most of the time, I don't understand people my age whose parents are still together. What do you mean, they aren't divorced? What do they do when the fight? They try to work it out? Huh?

Anyway, I don’t remember the second time that my parents told me that my dad was moving out. I was in eight grade, making me 13 years old. They told me in a hotel room on a family vacation -- I just don’t remember if it was the family vacation for Florida (first time ever in Disney) or the family vacation to Washington D.C. (well, it was for a soccer tournament over Memorial Day weekend, but the entire family was there.) I think the latter, b/c I don't remember my dad gone when I was in 8th grade, but what do I remember?

I remember standing as they sat on the hotel bed and told me, "We're telling you now because we know that you already figured it out. Don’t say anything in front of your brother and sister until we get home; we want to tell them and we don't want to ruin their vacation." You know the kicker? I had no idea. None. So basically, my vacation...

However, the first time my father left, that I remember. I was almost seven years old. Just finished first grade. It was summer time. I had been outside playing. It got dark, I came inside. I went to the bathroom to wash up (read: scrape some dirt off of me) and went to my bedroom. My dad came into my bedroom, sat down on my bed, and gave me the speech about mommy and daddies not loving each other but still loving the kids. It's such a cliched speech, but I guess that's how something like that becomes a cliche.

The day he left the first time, my dad was standing at the bottom of the stairs, by the front door. My mom was standing next to the stairs, in the hallway, behind the banister, holding my 2 year old brother in her arms. He was in a full body cast b/c the babysitter tripped while walking down the stairs and his left leg was broke on said banister. I was sitting on the steps and I was just about eye level to my dad. He was crying - and I recall thinking that parents were not supposed to cry, especially dads.

They asked me whether I wanted to live with my mom or my dad. My dad was moving out. My mom was staying in the same house. But I was a real daddy's girl. I didn't particularly like my mother. She was always mean. Probably tired putting up with a 7, 4 and 2 year old all day. Especially when said 7 year old is hyperactive. And melodramatic (yes, even then). SO what was I supposed to do?? I didn't want to move. So I answered my mother. My four year old sister chimed in that she wanted to live with me. Not my mom. Me. Yikes! What does a seven year old do with THAT responsibility??

In my case, it involved taking care of my brother and sister for the six months that my dad was gone. My mom had a breakdown and didn't get off the couch any day but Saturdays when my mom came over. Since I was seven, that involved six months of eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, macaroni and cheese, and drinking cherry or grape kool aid. That was about all I knew how to do. There was a convenience store about a mile away, and every day I would get on my bike to shop. I still hate grocery shopping. My dad came back six months later, and I've refused to be a competent cook since then. For the record, I don't like jelly at all anymore and am not super crazy about cherry kool aid. I do still like peanut butter sandwiches though. And grape kool aid. So those may not have anything to do with my diet for 6 months (except Saturdays when I ate real food.)

As you get older, you realize certain things about your parents that you just aren't aware of as a child. First, my mom is still in love with my father. Which always makes it fun. Second, my father left in large part b/c my mom is packrat. Third, my father might quite possibly be one of the most selfish people I know. That last one is hard to accept, b/c for the longest time I hero worshipped my father, and the mere suggestion that he could not walk on water was unacceptable. He is also...well, let's just say that when he jokes about sex, it's disturbing because this is my father, not a friend. You know? Or maybe I'm just weird. My mom is still the person who had a breakdown on the couch over twenty years ago. Granted, her life hasn't been easy, and she is one of those people that you just feel the need to take care of. When I'm taking care of my mother, who is mentally and physically capable of taking care of herself, it just seems backwards.

This post has nothing to do to anything. Sorry. I have a headache.

I am a Scrubs fan. I love the show. It is beyond brilliant. So last week, Dr. Turk was excited about his new cell phone number, 916.CALL.TURK. In the words of Slack LaLane,

It turns out, the phone number used on the show was real, and if you're strange
and lonely enough to call a fictional number from the teevee box, you either got
one of the show's cast or crew members or a message from Turk himself.

Not that I don't believe someone who is good friends with the self-proclaimed internet quasi-celebrity, but I had to call myself. And I got the voicemail, telling me to vote for Scrubs for the People's Choice Awards. Hey, you give me such comedy, you've got my vote...

Not To Mock But...Ok Who Am I Kidding?

More liberals despising Bush's Christ. Ahh, I feel warm and fuzzy when we separate church and state:
Dear Mr. President:

Dear Mr. President"

The media tells us that you have received the largest number of popular votes of any president in America's history. Congratulations!
. . .

Don't equivocate. Put your agenda on the front burner and let it boil. You owe the liberals nothing. They despise you because they despise your Christ. Honor the Lord, and He will honor you.
. . .

Undoubtedly, you will have opportunity to appoint many conservative judges and exercise forceful leadership with the Congress in passing legislation that is defined by biblical norm regarding the family, sexuality, sanctity of life, religious freedom, freedom of speech, and limited government. You have four years—a brief time only—to leave an imprint for righteousness upon this nation that brings with it the blessings of Almighty God.
. . .

If you have weaklings around you who do not share your biblical values, shed yourself of them. Conservative Americans would love to see one president who doesn't care whether he is liked, but cares infinitely that he does right.
. . .

Bob Jones III
President

Me, I felt that this letter demanded a reply. So, not to disappoint..

Dear Mr. President:

The media tells us that you have received the largest number of popular votes against you of any president in America's history. Congratulations!

In your re-election, God has completely forsaken the world - much as he forsake Jesus on the cross. We are really excited about your man date, and hope that the two of you have chemistry. We, the people, expect you to stutter over the English/American language for 4 more years, coming up with words that no one else had heard of, and generally convincing the world that all Americans are stupid if you are the leader of us.

Don't equivocate! Err...sorry. Big word, I apologize. It means "avoid the issue." In other words, make sure that your hateful, discriminatory, racist, homophobic agenda is followed to the letter. As for the liberals, those who are dumb enough to care about the rest of the world; fuck them. We'll destroy the world, and take care of the problem.

Had John Kerry won, perhaps the rest of the world would respect America, rather than discuss in quiet voices how many of them, banded together can attack and ruin America. "The enemy of my enemy is my friend." Maybe parts of the country would not be talking about session. I do have to say, however, it is a good thing that this here Bible exists, b/c otherwise, I would be completely incapable of coming up with my own morals. I mean, how else would I know that murder was wrong, unless it was one of the Ten Commandments. And that entire compassion section of the Bible (I believe some people call it Jesus's message in the New Testament) - is outdated. It must be destroyed. The same with that "Constitution" and it's separation of powers. You have your man date - and he may be strong enough to just crush that Constitution and all those annoying liberal tendencies. If nothing else, take away the First Amendment so no one can point out our hypcracy. Always remember that Christians can't be liberal. Therefore, clearly liberals are of Satan's spawn and much like it's ok to detain people without ever charging them or allowing them access to attorneys, the same is true of liberals. We are at war with progressive thinking.

Christ said, "let he who is without sin cast the first stone." Let our hypocracy in judging whole sects of people as unworthy of decent treatment, of unworthy of the gates of heaven, deter you from your man date.) Again (to quote my earlier rant, which I did not mail to you so you dfid not see) Jesus also said, "Give the Caesar what is the Caesar's and God what is God's." That obviosuly didn't mean separation of church and state, because how else could we pray in public schools and learn all about how God created the world in 7 days in science class. Evolution is a theory - but creationism is a fact. Because you said it is so. Oh, and again, ignore that entire section where the Bible speaks against praying in public. "And when you pray, you shall not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men....when you pray, enter into the closet and when you have shut the door, pray to the Father which is in secret....")

If you have found yourself surrounded by anyone who thinks that you are crazy or perhaps not right in the head, make sure that you shed yourself of them. You can detain them in Guantanamo Bay for the rest of their lives as enemy combatants (remember: you are either with us or with the terrorists, so they are clearly with the terrorist and are clearly terrorists). Calling them out and revealing their wife as an undercover CIA agent also works. Firing them or forcing them to resign may look better. Remember: conservative America would love to see everything and everyone gone, no accountability, other than wack jobs whio agree with you.

Best wishes.
Sincerely your friend,

Stephanie
Disgusted Liberal

PS If Jesus did his work in three years and was sacrificed: (1) why do you need 8 years; and (2) in order to parallel the Bible, should we sacrifice you?

I just feel bad that the beavers' hard work was destroyed

A bag of bills stolen from a casino was snapped up by beavers who wove thousands of dollars in soggy currency into the sticks and brush of their dam on a creek in eastern Louisiana. . . . The third bag of cash couldn't be found, Martin said, so deputies started breaking down the beaver dam to drain the pond it was holding. That was when they saw the dam's expensive decoration. They eventually found the missing bag, which the beavers hadn't completely emptied."

Poor beavers. All their hard work was destoyed. I got a little sad reading this. I mean, they must have been devasted that their creation was destroyed. I think this when I vacuum up spider webs too, even though I am petrified of spiders.

Open Invitation to Conservatives Willing To Pray To The Deity That Bush Believes He Is

So why are all Bush's "Yes" men, err...Cabinet members, resigning:

John Ashcroft (Attorney General)
Don Evans (Commerce)
Colin Powell (Sec of State)
Rod Paige (Education)
Spenscr Abraham (Energy)
Ann Veneman (Agriculture)

And how long before Rumsfeld goes?

Are they leaving because the grass is greener elsewhere, or did they vote for Kerry? We already know that dissent is not permitted (Bush is purging the CIA of people who didn't support him or who have revealed damaging truths to the media about the war in Iraq.) There's always significant turnover, but I'm not sure if it's typically this much. Rats from the ship...?

Kerry supporters lose their jobs

Don't let it be said that dissent in this country is ok. Bush has decided that any CIA officers who were "disloyal" to him (read: supported Kerry), who leaked damaging (read: truthful) information about the conduct of the Iraq war and the hunt for Osama bin Laden are to be terminated.

And in the background, I hear Lee Greenwood's Proud To Be An America...

Obnoxious drunk football fans

I went to the Browns/Steelers game today. Ugh. Disgusting game. And cold! Freezing! I'm the biggest baby in the world when it is cold outside. It was 50 and I was wearing long underwear under my jeans, two pairs of socks, several (maybe 4?) layers of various shirts, a coat, hat, gloves and scarf, and I had a blanket. Yes, I'm a baby. As for the game, it wasn't as close as the scored was, and the score wasn't close at all.

But I almost got into it with some drunk Browns fans. They were yelling and swearing at Pittsburgh fans - to be expected. Since they were sitting right behind me, it was mildly annoying in that it was constant in my ear, but understandable. However, in the third or fourth quarter, they did so to a young father and his 4-year-old son sitting next to me. Crudely. Involving whatever player was named on the 4-year-old shirt being gay and him going to give it to the four year old up the ass. Absolutely.not.cool. That hit my tolerance - and it's pretty high. I don't have delicate sensitivities.

I turned around told them to shut up; that it was one thing to comment to the adults, but another thing entirely to yell at a child, that took a real man. In response, they took off my hat. I grabbed it back and told them bad idea, not to touch my hat if they knew was what good for them. They asked me who the hell I was, I said, "No one you want to piss off."

Umm...so what exactly made me think that I can take on 4 drunk guys, approxomiately my age, who I really don't think would have any problems hitting a girl?? (And no, I wasn't drinking. Well, hot chocolate, but not alcohol.) Good question. I think it was cause I haven't done anything stupid recently, and I was due. They seemed a bit taken back that I clearly was challenging them and shut up...temporarily at least. (No one else had the entire game - not even the father of the child who they told. That got him on my shit list; I was torn who to attack, him for letting them say that to his child, or then for being jackasses in the first place).

A few minutes later they went after a father and his teenage daughter - she had more "balls" than he did b/c she was wearing a Steelers shirt and he was hiding his. As he was leaving, he complained and security came over. Nothing major happened though. ("Just don't swear anymore, ok?" Pathetic.)

Near the end of the game they were talking to the 4 year old:

Obnoxious prick: "Why are you a Steelers fan?"
Little kid: Name of some player.
Obnoxious prick: "Well, we hate you."
Little kid: "Do you hate [insert name of whatever player was on his jersey]."
Obnoxious prick: "Yes, we hate him."
Little kid: "Oh, do you hate my daddy?"
Obnoxious prick: "Yes, we hate him."
Little kid: "Oh." Long pause. Heartbreaking look on his face. Desolately. "Do you hate my mommy?"

And the Republicans want to raise the debt limit?? I thought that they were the party for fiscal conservativism?? Silly me!

Ashcroft Resigning b/c Its Easier Than Learning About Checks and Balances

God help us, now the Attorney General essentially wants to take away the right to judicial review completely. Why not just make the President a dictator and make it official??

"The danger I see here is that intrusive judicial oversight and second-guessing of presidential determinations in these critical areas can put at risk the very security of our nation in a time of war."

Oh. Excuse me. Evidentally, we have to teach the attorney general what a college student learns in political sciences classes and what a law student learns first year. Judicial review is exactly what keeps the president from being an elected king. That entire separation of powers thing?? Checks and balances? Framers were kinda specific about it. Framers kinda really wanted that in the Constitution. You know, keeping any branch of the government from having too much power. That whole judiciary thing? Yeah, they kinda wanted them to be able to prevent the majority from ruling with an iron fist. The majority can't just take it away.

Our New AG

So, now that I'm glad that Ashcroft is gone, it's time to hate the new Attorney General.

From Alterman:

Can anyone be a worse attorney general than John Ashcroft?
Meet Alberto Gonzales, who never met a provision of the Geneva Convention he
couldn't find a way to ignore. Congratulations Mr. President. I promise to stop
misunderestmating you, right now.

My friend's response:

I guess we can hope that he'll be more
obsessed with abusing the human rights of non-Americans than Americans. Christ,
you want to talk about diminished expectations. I'm hoping against hope that our
new Attorney General, the top law enforcement official in the land, is only
abusive towards foreigners.

And the South's response to Fuckthesouth.com? Kick the North out. Anyone want to wager how long it would take before the "United States of America" would become a third world country, without the states that actually HAVE money?? Again, my friend's response:

Ok, let's look at the numbskull's summation of why the Red US would be better.

A downsized, post-expulsion United States still would be geographically big enough (and personally generous enough) to welcome millions of authentic refugees from the ousted former states, real Americans who crave lower taxes, smaller government, safer neighborhoods, more secure borders, greater moral leadership, and all the other aspects of a markedly better society-- one that spawns harmony, not cacophony; excellence, not dependence; justice, not histrionics; education, not brainwashing; enterprise, not welfare, and Godliness, not devilishness. As for the dozen ex-American states, they could always petition the UN and EU for foreign aid.

One at a time:

"...smaller government..." The size of the federal government increased massively under Bush. It is Republicans that want to put the government in your bedroom, listen to your phone conversations, and track your internet use with increasingly less judicial oversight. It is Republicans that are pushing hardest to decide what belongs on TV and what doesn't (rather than the free market, which they claim to worship).

"...safer neighborhoods..." Most American neighborhoods in both the red and blue states are safe. Crime is one of the phoniest bugaboos in politics. Crime hasn't been this low in decades. Furthermore, crime is virtually always higher in densely populated areas; most of the largest cities lie in blue states. There's not bound to be much crime in Bumf*ck, Nebraska when the population is 78.

"...more secure borders..." The major flood points along the Mexican border (which I presume is what he's talking about here) have been in states more often in Republican control than Democratic. Here's a little secret: the people who would most aggressively fight laws that would truly discourage the hiring of illegals (and therefore attack the reason they come in the first place) are overwhelmingly Republican - farmers.

"...greater moral leadership..." The Reagan administration suffered more scandal and criminal indictments than almost any other. They traded arms for hostages at a time when they insisted they wouldn't negotiate with terrorists. The long list of lies during the current administration need not be mentioned here. The heads of the many scandalized companies (Enron et al) are almost all Republican or contributed heavily to the Republican party.

"...harmony, not cacophony..." It is not the Red that seeks harmony for they are not interested in letting people live their lives as long as they harm no one else. As I've mentioned before, the real "war" is not simply two sides who differ on various issues. It's that we are perfectly content to allow them to live their lives as they see fit. They will not return that courtesy.

"...excellence, not dependence..." Good point. I'd start out with not giving preferential treatment in prep school and college admissions based on family connections rather than academic merit. Oh wait...

"...justice, not histrionics..." Like detaining hundreds of "the worst of the worst terrorists" without trial or even counsel, only to summarily release them by the dozens. Like refusing (with one prominent exception) to stop executing people when it's clear that the system is broken and at grave risk of killing innocent people.

"...education, not brainwashing..." I would love to see the test scores of the red VS blue states ten years after a secession. Creationism isn't brainwashing?! Abstinence-only sex ed isn't brainwashing?

"...enterprise, not welfare..." I agree. We'll start with farm subsidies and corporations that currently don't pay any taxes. I'm sorry, are you choking Mr. Republican?

"...Godliness, not devilishness..." The red would certainly corner the God market. I'm still waiting for my "Satanists of America" membership pack to come in.

And the biggest laugh of all: "...they could always petition the UN and EU for foreign aid." Hmm. California alone would be the sixth largest economy in the world were it a country. It is the number one agricultural state, number four in oil production, the center of the American (and really world) technology sector, the center of the American entertainment industry (movies, music, television, videogames, porn are all centered in California, the addition of New York would take out virtually the entire entertainment industry). Much of the country's aerospace industry, particularly in the research and military sectors are in California and Washington. Add the other's various economic contributions, and you would be left with a small but economically powerful nation. The remaining red states would still have some ag and oil and a bit of high tech, but where are they going to continue to get properly educated people for high tech jobs when they are openly hostile to science? Bio tech would be virtually non-existent in the Red USA; evolution is the basis for all biological sciences, stem cell research is a no no, as is human cloning. That he say this is indicative of either a flippant snottiness or colossal ignorance.

Ken Jennings gone -- for two weeks

So I was on Jeopardy Countdown until Ken Jennings' departure earlier this week, pegging the date as next week, and lo and behold, Jeopardy went on a two-week college championship on yesterday. Bastards. Anyway, Ken Jennings won't return until Thanksgiving (if a show is aired that day - doubtful with all that parade stuff). He has won 70 in a row. That means he has another 5 shows (4 more wins and a loss - he allegedly loses at episode 75.) But until I know when Jeopardy is ging to start again, I don't know when that will be. But certainly in the month of December. Anyway, don't bother to watch for the next few weeks. (Though when college kids are there, I often can answer them. I'm not as smart as when I watch the elementary school championships, but better than I am against real adults.) Anyway, I'll keep you posted. (For the record, on Tuesday, I thought my count was off b/c he was in third place to start Double Jeopardy. But it was all good.)

Arafat is dead.

Just some news updates

Great. Bush et al still want to drill in Alaska, and remember, he has a "mandate" now to do so. That's an even worse idea than privatizing social security. And I would have preferred Guiliani as Attorney General, but I'll settle for Gonzalez. What else? Senator Chafee isn't going to switch political parties. I'd add "for now" though. And Martha Stewart doesn't have enough money to cover her attorneys fees? What? And Texas executed its 21 person of the year. That's two a month. What the heck.

I love stupid criminals. This guy tried to rob and bank and was told to come back the next day. and now ZOO AMINALS need a makeover? Geesh, this reality tv thing HAS to end.

And I'm addicted to Lost. Today we learned about Sawyer. Intriguing...

Fuck the South

Via Debwire Via Pesky Apostrophe comes the best piss off I've read in a long time. Fuck the south. I recommend the direct link (b/c it has citations that I just didn't put in) but in case it gets removed at any point in time (as some of the best stuff sometimes does)...

Fuck the South. Fuck 'em. We should have let them go when they wanted to leave. But no, we had to kill half a million people so they'd stay part of our special Union. Fighting for the right to keep slaves - yeah, those are states we want to keep.

And now what do we get? We're the fucking Arrogant Northeast Liberal Elite? How about this for arrogant: the South is the Real America? The Authentic America. Really?

Cause we fucking founded this country, assholes. Those Founding Fathers you keep going on
and on about? All that bullshit about what you think they meant by the Second Amendment giving you the right to keep your assault weapons in the glove compartment because you didn't bother to read the first half of the fucking sentence? Who do you think those wig-wearing lacy-shirt sporting revolutionaries were? They were fucking blue-staters, dickhead. Boston? Philadelphia? New York? Hello? Think there might be a reason all the fucking monuments are up here in our backyard?

No, No. Get the fuck out. We're not letting you visit the Liberty Bell and fucking Plymouth Rock anymore until you get over your real American selves and start respecting those other nine amendments. Who do you think those fucking stripes on the flag are for? Nine are for fucking blue
states. And it would be 10 if those Vermonters had gotten their fucking Subarus together and broken off from New York a little earlier. Get it? We started this shit, so don't get all uppity about how real you are you Johnny-come-lately "Oooooh I've been a state for almost a hundred years" dickheads. Fuck off.

Arrogant? You wanna talk about us Northeasterners being fucking arrogant? What's more American than arrogance? Hmmm? Maybe horsies? I don't think so. Arrogance is the fucking cornerstone of what it means to be American. And I wouldn't be so fucking arrogant if I wasn't paying for your fucking bridges, bitch.

All those Federal taxes you love to hate? It all comes from us and goes to you, so shut up and enjoy your fucking Tennessee Valley Authority electricity and your fancy highways that we paid for. And the next time Florida gets hit by a hurricane you can come crying to us if you want to, but you're the ones who built on a fucking swamp. "Let the Spanish keep it, it’s a shithole," we said, but you had to have your fucking orange juice.

The next dickwad who says, "It’s your money, not the government's money" is gonna get their ass kicked. Nine of the ten states that get the most federal fucking dollars and pay the least... can you guess? Go on, guess. That’s right, motherfucker, they're red states. And eight of the ten states that receive the least and pay the most? It’s too easy, asshole, they’re blue states. It’s not your money, assholes, it’s fucking our money. What was that Real American Value you were spouting a minute ago? Self reliance? Try this for self reliance: buy your own fucking stop signs, assholes.

Let’s talk about those values for a fucking minute. You and your Southern values can bite my ass because the blue states got the values over you fucking Real Americans every day of the goddamn week. Which state do you think has the lowest divorce rate you marriage-hyping dickwads? Well? Can you guess? It’s fucking Massachusetts, the fucking center of the gay marriage universe. Yes, that’s right, the state you love to tie around the neck of anyone to the left of Strom Thurmond has the lowest divorce rate in the fucking nation. Think that’s just some aberration? How about this: 9 of the 10 lowest divorce rates are fucking blue states, asshole, and most are in the Northeast, where our values suck so bad. And where are the highest divorce rates? Care to fucking guess? 10 of the top 10 are fucking red-ass we're-so-fucking-moral states. And while Nevada is the worst, the Bible Belt is doing its fucking part.

But two guys making out is going to fucking ruin marriage for you? Yeah? Seems like you're ruining it pretty well on your own, you little bastards. Oh, but that's ok because you go to church, right? I mean you do, right? Cause we fucking get to hear about it every goddamn year at
election time. Yes, we're fascinated by how you get up every Sunday morning and sing, and then you're fucking towers of moral superiority. Yeah, that's a workable formula. Maybe us fucking Northerners don't talk about religion as much as you because we're not so busy sinning, hmmm? Ever think of that, you self-righteous assholes? No, you're too busy erecting giant stone tablets of the Ten Commandments in buildings paid for by the fucking Northeast Liberal Elite. And who has the highest murder rates in the nation? It ain't us up here in the North, assholes.

Well this gravy train is fucking over. Take your liberal-bashing, federal-tax-leaching, confederate-flag-waving, holier-than-thou, hypocritical bullshit and shove it up your ass.

And no, you can't have your fucking convention in New York next time. Fuck off.

We should all be scared when I'm a better lawyer than my opponent

I've been in depositions for the last two days. Now, this is the second time I've gotten to defend the depos by myself. The first time was with Bitch Counsel, and she of course was evil and made my cry. I exaggerate not...this time. (Mainly b/c I don't have to in order to get my point across.) So I'm somewhat tenative about this experiement. I mean, Yoda gave me the opportunity again to defend the deps, so I guess he hasn't lost total confidence in me, a bonus, but still. Anyway, this was interesting b/c Plaintiff's counsel knew nothing about employment law. I went off the record three times to explain employment law (like HIPAA or the FMLA) to him so as not the embarass him ON the record.

How bad was it? At one point I asked him what type of law he practiced. "Death penalty cases and business litigation...why do you ask?" Umm...let's see. Because you know nothing about employment law maybe?? Ugh!

And then he had the audacity to ask ME if I was a real attorney. "You just don't look old enough to be out of law school." Umm...thanks asshole. First, I at least know what the fuck I'm talking about with respect to the law at issue. Second, I was already irritated b/c I found about 10 grey hairs this morning. So now is NOT the day to mock my age. Grr...

Oh, and he's pissy b/c I haven't responded to his settlement demand. You want to know what his demand was? "Maybe we should consider settling this case before we spend a lot of money in attorney's fees." There was no beeping number for me to respond to! WTF?

And he wants me to bring an entire department into town to depose them. They are out of state - in Texas. Well out of the court's jurisdiction. And there are 23 caseworkers. He thinks I should fly 23 people in, from out of the jurisdiction, b/c he doesn't want the expense of flying there. I told him we can take it the the Judge.

The one thing they never taught you in law school was how obnoxious opposing counsel would be.

Religious fundamentalists

Who are these religious fundamentalists?

Let's look at one particular school: Hyles-Anderson College. Someone I know actually goes there. Fun campus life activities includes soul winning. Men are permitted to hold jobs; women are not. Girls are taught to be "a successful leader's wife ." To be submissive wives.

HAC is not impressed with Devil State University or Satan U. Or the Christian Colleges. Heh. Other strong Christians are on the same "you are going to hell" wavelength as me as Satan U. "Should you come to Hyles-Anderson? Not unless it is the fervent goal of your life to be a soul winner." Wow. No wonder I didn't give the school any consideration. I had other goals in life. "Our approach to subject matter is unique. We are opposed to the stuffy, bookish, all lecture style of teaching. We think it is ridiculous for a Christian to spend hours and hours in a psychology class studying what the rats do when they run a maze. In most psychology courses, the professor is concerned about what makes an individual's eyes the color they are. We are more concerned about looking an individual in the eye and communicating truth to him. We are a bit tired of the snobbish, intellectual sophistry of much of the education of our day. We think it is time to get down to earth and give people what they need for life. Oh, we teach psychology and many other secular subjects, but we teach them from a practical, Scriptural approach." (i.e. we need you to be brainwashed. And if we actually teach you, you might start to think for yourself.)

Hmm...they are right. These things (dress code, "old fashioned discipline,"evangelistic atmosphere, fundamentalist approach, and separatist position) are things that I wouldn't like. Oh, and the "we will brainwash you" part too would make me sick. And the, "if you don't agree with us, you will go to hell" insinuation. The absolute and utter lack of toleration. Why exactly can't females wear pants? Does easy access to the...nevermind. No hand holding?? Does hand holding automatically lead to sin? Or rather, to sex? And if they actually *think* this, how on earth do they reproduce and create more of these brainwashed kids?

The entire "weekly soul winning" stuff scares the shit out of me. Do they have shirts "single handedly brainwashing 10,000 people yearly?" Ok, no drinking and smoking, I would understand. But no dancing? What is this, Footloose?? No dancing of any kind? Any kind?? No funky chicken at a wedding? No hokey pokey?? Wow. And no Hollywood movies? Does this include Disney cartoons? What about G rated movies without sex and swearing? Is that because most of Hollywood is liberal?? Or are movies inherently sinful and I just never knew? And no playing cards? Not just "no gambling," which as fundamentalists I would understand, but since when is Soliaire of the devil's making? And does this include Solitaire on the computer? I'm not sure I would have survived college. That and mindsweeper... "We do not fellowship with liberals..." Well, fuck, don't they want to win my soul?? (Oh, I bet that language is not appreciated...) And ironically, in the next section, they talk about Christian grace. I guess that Christian grace doesn't extend to evil liberals.

What I find ironic about the "no fellowship with liberals" is that I am a Christian too. Why can't Christians be liberal? I read their Doctrinal Statement, and I actually agree with most of that. That, I think, scares them. That a liberal could agree with their religious beliefs? I have read of the articles that the Christian can't be liberal. Excuse me, but I think the fundamentalists are blowing off portions of the Bible to be hate mongering, intolerant, judgmental sects of people.

But I think that as a liberal, I am more true to Jesus teaching than they are. Since when is compassion for others not like you evil or unreligious? What about Jesus's divine compassion? A serious question I have, how do fundamentalist reconcile their intolerant positions, fear, and even hatred with Jesus's teachings and compassion? His love for those who were part of the minority, those who were shunned by the majority? For women and children, for those with disease such as lepers who were forced to avoid human contact, for prostitutes, for tax collectors, for the poor. He healed the daughter of a pagan.

Rather than show compassion for others who, in their view have sinned, the fundamentalists have decided to hate them. They can't talk to me as a liberal?? Are you fucking kidding me? Because I'm compassionate and they don't want to be? Jesus was a friend of sinners. Fundamentalists would rather hate the sinner for the sin. From all accounts of the word, Jesus was a radical. Pushing change. Forcing change. I hate to be the ones to break it to them, but Jesus would have been, in today's terms, a liberal.

"Let him who is without sin cast the first stone." And in unison, the fundamentalists respond, "Yeah, but we don't like that part of the Bible. Let's ignore that part. It's irrelevant to the really bad sins." In this most recent election, it was homosexuality, but I guess it's a sin being a liberal too. Of course, that was Jesus's response to the sin of adultery. I guess that's not a major sin. It's just a little sin...that God thought was worthy enough to put in the Ten Commandments. There are lots of other sins that weren't in the Ten Commandments, I know, but that was important enough to actually put there. And Jesus's response - it's not your job to judge.

And the separation of chuch and state that you so hate? "Give the Ceasar what is the Ceasar's and God what is God's." They can be separate, and still both have their own place in the world. In your heart. Moreover, the Bible actually speaks against praying in public. "And when you pray, you shall not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men....when you pray, enter into the closet and when you have shut the door, pray to the Father which is in secret...."

Maybe you are right, you can't be a liberal and a Christian. Perhaps those who show compassion for others are not going to enter the gates of Heaven. So it will only be you fundamentalists smugly sniffing, "we warned them..." Sounds like Hell to me...

As reported by Simply Appalling, my ponderings yesterday concerning moderate Republicans aren't totally out in left field. Some moderate Republicans with a brain and a heart *are* showing concern. While there will be 55 Republicans in the Senate, some of those Republicans are closer to Democratic ideology than what Republicans are moving towards. Case in point: “Another GOP moderate, Sen. Lincoln D. Chafee (R.I.), expressed even deeper disappointment, telling the Providence Journal he would not rule out switching to the Democratic Party.” Less than a week after your party just decked the other party, you are talking about the possibility of leaving the victor for the losers? Before these extremists even report for office even. Geesh. You have to wonder if he wanted some of his Republican counterparts to lose. Or if it was a foot in mouth thing. Who knows. But it could be interesting to watch.

The South has been more...overtly racist...than the North, from the days of the civil war to the struggles for civil rights. (Note the emphasis on the word "overt" there...Actually, I got an email from someone telling me that I was intentionally fanning racist flames. Umm...no, racism exists in the world. To pretend otherwise is naive. I refuse to pretend something isn't true because it's easier. For example, let's look at African American Senators: Hiram Revels in 1870; Blanche Bruce in 1874; Edward Brook in 1967 (the first elected by popular vote); and Carol Moseley-Braun in 1992. Oh, and Barack Obama this year. That's five. It's possible I missed someone, but I don't think so. You want to tell me that racism isn't prevelant in our society? I don't even mean the dirty, nasty, awful kind. But I think that a lot of people who would be disgusted by overt racism aren't going to vote for an African American for a high political office, and won't even think that they are discriminatory in any way. (This same argument may also be made for women, though there have been more. Though wasn't 1992 or 1994 the year of woman? What happened to that? We've moved backwards. But I digress.)

Where was I? Oh, I was showing my concern that only four Democratic senators in the former Confederacy. With the number of Southern states...it appears that the South finally won the civil war, albeit a little late. They can practically control the US politically. There are 26 southern states. If they elected all Republicans, the Democrats could never have the majority, whether or not the North elected a single Republican or not. This is not to say that the Southern senators are racist at all, but obviously more conservative, resistent to change.

And how is that war thing going? First, as first reported by Maru, a guy who fulfilled his 8 year military commitment in 1996 has been told to report for duty. Obviously, he’s not happy about this. But at least we don’t have a draft. Second, Iraq under martial law. Yikes! We are doing such a wonderful job over there...

Finally, brilliant prose from Kash at Angry Bear: "If the left is willing to make it, the moral case for being liberal is strong. Being liberal means having compassion for all people – including and perhaps especially those who cannot fight for themselves. It means recognizing that human society depends fundamentally on the willingness of people to cooperate, and work together, and help each other in times of difficulty. It means having automatic and unwavering respect and tolerance for the opinions and beliefs of others. It means being unflinchingly responsible about what we pass on to our children and to future generations, even if it makes things more difficult for us personally. Most generally, it means putting the concern for the well-being of others on equal footing with the concern for oneself. This is a good, and just, and morally strong belief, deeply grounded in both religious and secular morality, and should be trumpeted by the left instead of glossed over."

This is exacly what we have to do. Not any of the "move center" talk. I refuse to vote for someone who isn't willing to fight for civil rights, who isn't willing to make sure that the minority is treated well, to care about the world that we are leaving our children. I won't appease the part of the country that thinks that the majority should control b/c it's larger. Larger doesn't mean right. I hope that the Democrats will remember this. Don't compromise of *our* values. Just because you are currently outnumbered doesn't mean that you are wrong. It just means that more people disagreed with you. People don't like change; those arguing for progress were oft outnumbered. They didn't give up - neither should we.