I'll admit it. I take pleasure at this.

1. "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation," CBS, 30.7 million viewers.
2. "American Idol" (Tuesday), Fox, 27.1 million viewers.
3. "American Idol" (Wednesday), Fox, 26.3 million viewers.
4. "Desperate Housewives," ABC, 24.2 million viewers.
5. "Survivor: Palau," CBS, 23.7 million viewers.
6. "Without a Trace," CBS, 21 million viewers.
7. "CSI: Miami," CBS, 19.4 million viewers.
8. "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition," ABC, 18.3 million viewers.
9. "CBS Sunday Movie: Stone Cold," CBS, 18 million viewers.
10. "Lost," ABC, 17.9 million viewers.

Anytime that American Idol isn't #1, I gain more respect for America. And despite American Ido being 2 of the top 10 (actually, top 5. Or 3), Lost still remains in the Top 10. And Donald Trump fell out of the top 10. (Sorry Peter, I hope you make the show and all, but I really hate Trump.) Go America! Throw away the reality tv-show ness. There are so many more worthwhile shows out right now...

I sure with that OUR government would quit.

What is UP with Launch? They have played Mariah Carey TWICE today. Grr...I had no idea until today that she even had a Greatest Hits cd, and actually, I was comfortable with that lack of knowledge.

Note that it is 4:30 and I haven't mocked anyone's dresses at the Oscars yet. This is a real growing experience for me, no?

I saw empty seats during the ceremony! Did you! (This was the first year they used SAG Actors rather than volunteers. I have to say...volunteers are better. Shocking, I know.)

First, Morgan Freeman. Yay. But come on, that was a "lifetime" Oscar rather than a "this performance" Oscar. Don't get me wrong, it's a travesty that this was his first win. He is a great actor. But if the Academy wouldn't get all emotional and would truly give awards for the best performance of the year, then there wouldn't be that problem. No one else other than him could have pulled that scarf off either. He does lose points for thanking God - I'm with the camp that says God has WAY more important things that celebrities Oscars - but whatever.

DID EVERYONE GET A LOOK AT ADAM DURITZ? That's all that needs to be said. Same with Robin Williams.

Penelope Cruz - the bow HAD to go. From the front, you looked so nice. And it was especially nice b/c it was the year of bad boobs, and you didn't fall into that. Until you had the "I'm a bridesmaid and the bride hate us" bow on the butt going on...We had a running list of people who should NOT be wearing what they were...

Speaking of - Hilary Swank? That neckline was truly awful. And the back...ok, I liked the back, but perhaps have that come up three inches, and the front go down three inches? I was afriad that if you dropped something...but I actually liked the back. I'd just rather the front be cut too.

Beyonce - ok, she changed often b/c of singing and all, but I liked the dress she was on the carpet. Simple. I like simple. (Hey, here's MY thought on how to save time. Don't sing every song nominated. Whatever song wins, only perform THAT one. There's 20 minues right there - taking 4 songs out. And it's better than bring EVERYONE on stage and announcing the winner and making the losers stand there on stage the entire time. Give me a break. It was like a dance where the friends who weren't asked to dance had to watch a friend (or acquiantaince) dance with the person that they wanted lots. Except they were on a jumbotron the entire speech or something. Smooth.) (Oh, and who was the guy who started his speech about how long he's practiced his speech in the bathrub. Creepy...But I digress.)

Laura Linney -- there are NO words for that disaster think you had going on. And your hair was awful too.

Cate Blanchett - what the FUCK was that maroon thing you had going on?? And I personally wasn't a fan of the yellow - too light for her skin - but Nicole Kidman does that same stuff with the yellows and greens that I think wash her out, and they love her. What do I know of fashion??

The little Van Peebles thing - the doo rag. I get it. You are black. But come on, it's the Oscars. And what is with the tie thing? It's the Oscars. (This comment applies to all except Johnny Depp.)

And now Johnny Depp. I was hugely in the minority at the party in that I liked his outfit. (And when I say "hugely in the minority," that means that I was the only one who forgave him. We had a long discussion about scruff (I was also the only one in favor of scruff on a guy). So his look was good conversation material. He reminded me of his character in Benny and Joon. I wouldn't have liked this on anyone else, so yes, I concede that there is a possibility that I am allowing personal feelings to influence it. But I liked the smoking jacket look he had going. Of course, it WAS the Oscars, and perhaps that demands a little more respect, but still...

Was Sophie Okonedo getting married?

Annette Benning - her hair looked like Clay Aiken. I dont' care how talented you are (and I think she is hugely talented) but your hair shoudn't EVER look like Clay Aiken's. Clay Aiken's hair shouldn't even look like Clay Aiken's...

And speaking of bad hair - Scarlette Jonansson.

For the woman who did have a decent neckline (so I'm obviously discounting Hilary Swank -- Have I mentioned that I hated her front -- what was with the lack of necklaces. It made the cuts look bare and empty. Here's a though -- I got one at Claire's for Jump Back Ball this past weekend for about $10. If you are so unpopular that no designer will pay you money to have you wear and keep their jewelry, then spring for the $10 to complete the look. Then again, I'd have fewer things to complain about I guess...

Oh, and who was wearing the deconstructed dress? The black think that you had to wonder if it was two pieces. I guess that was so awful that I blocked it from memory.

And the damn Oscars go too late here on the East Coast. My two cents.

I have another work query. Here's my thing: My secretary is out today. I needed some dates docketed. Usually, I tell my secretary to docket the dates, and she tells the docket clerk, and I have no responsibility whatsoever. Which, for the record, is what I prefer.

But when she is out, I somehow have to communicate the docket dates. (I could wait until tomorrow, but that just seems silly.) So I email the docket clerk, give her the dates I want changed and/or added to the docket in what cases. I end the email with "Thanks."

She emails back, "No problem."

Now...is the "no problem" a reply letting me know, "Ok, I got your email, and understand your instructions?" Or is it a reply that I owe a reply to. Like should I again say thanks. Should I acknowledge her reply at all, or just ignore it b/c it's her job to docket dates when I tell her to?? Or is that bitchy and whatnot, and makes it seem like I think I'm better than her because I'm an attorney and she's staff (I really try to avoid that. Some of the attorneys here - in fact, most of the old school attorneys - will treat staff inherently different than they treat other attorneys, and I try to be cognizant of that, and then perhaps I overcompensate.

I fear I am giving this way more thought that it deserves, yet I don't know the right answer, and it's driving me crazy. Am I doing it wrong? Am I being rude? (I didn't reply.) What would Ms. Manners say (or is it Mrs. Manners?) Without knowing this answer, I am not able to concentrate on my work.

A few comments about Jump Back Ball for now:

(1) No one was wearing an entire suit of armor :(

(2) Several guys were wearing chainmail armor pieces, which was cool.

(3) The Mayor of Cleveland helped me pick out shoes to wear with my dress.

(4) When putting on long lasting lipstick, it was more brown and didn't go well with my dress...but for the life of me I couldn't get the damn lipstick off. I swear, the skin on my lips was coming off, but that lipstick was staying there.

(5) It did not occur to me until Saturday night that I needed a bra to wear under the spaghetti strap dress. Uh oh. How idiotic am I???

(6) Luckily the fortune teller was an actor and not real. ;-)

(7) I won one of the raffle prizes.

Perhaps a full update later. But I hit the highlights.

So last week (you know, when I was trapped in Cincinnati playing lawyer) the hotel gave us USA Today. Traveling is the only time I'll read that.

So I finally found the paper today. And I couldn't figure out why on earth I brought home the USA Today. But then I saw it:

Yep, life'll burst that self-esteem bubble.
"Kids born in the 70s and the 80s are now coming of age. The colorful ribbons and shiny trophies they earned just for participating made them feel special. But now, in college and in the workplace, observers are watching them crumble a bit at the first blush of criticism."

First, really, I'm coming of age? Great. I have to say, I feel like I'm going through a mid-life crisis. Except of course, 28 isn't midlife. But it's definitely a "what the hell am I doing as an adult" feeling.

Second, you mean my bowling pin trophy that I got when I was 7 that said, "High Score: 57" was insincere? (I think that was in two games, by the way, not one.)

Third, crumbling because of criticism reminds me a bit of my review a few weeks ago...Now was that crumbling because I was being criticized, or crumbling (if that's even the word to use) because it's in my personality to do so?? I mean, none of the comments surprised me in the slightest. So if my criticism is that I'm emotional and take things seriously, how am I not supposed to take that emotionally? I'm emotional by nature. I don't think I'm emotional by nature because I got a shiny trophy in soccer when my team came in third place. (I didn't like that much; the teams in first, second and third place got trophies...and there were four teams in the league.) And if kids born in the 70s and 80s managed to survive high school -- and then assumed that college would be the same?? What?? Are you kidding me?

Oh, Terri Schiavo's feeding tube is being kept in for three more weeks, per the Judge's order. Hmm...The right to die debate actually interests me. I think it will interest me more when my reply brief is due.

Sarah made me think (as she usually does) the other day about the perpetual myth about the "liberal" media. As she said:

I watched Real Time with Bill Maher last night, and he brought up a great point
about the whole Jeff Gannon thing: if it happened while a Democrat was in office, the Republicans would be like a throng of villagers with torches. . . Between Gannon's softball questions, Armstrong Williams' income, and Fox News, it'd be nice if we could finally put the nail on the "liberal media" coffin.

Amen. Yes, all the paid advocates like Armstrong Williams et al, and "reporters" such as Jeff Gannon and so forth are in the news, and yet the stereotype continues. And then AlterNet came though (as it usually does) with some statistics.

The conservative media use an ideological propaganda model that produces a more ignorant audience. One recent study showed that 80 percent of Fox viewers got the facts all wrong about the war in Iraq. Not only did they believe that Saddam had a chemical arsenal, they thought that U.S. soldiers had actually discovered it. Similarly, they asserted that the 9/11 Commission had definitely linked Hussein with al Qaeda. Only 23 percent of the NPR/PBS audience, and even fewer of those who get their information from the internet, had similar misconceptions. (1)

Another study shows that conservative media undermines core values such as equality, environmental protection, and community. (2)

In 1992, 30 percent of Americans agreed that men are naturally superior to women. Over ten years, that figure rose to 40 percent. During the same decade, the number of Americans who say that a father must be master in his own house increased by 25 percent.

In '92, only 17 percent agreed that pollution is necessary to preserve jobs. Now 29 percent agree.

In '92, 66 percent said they discussed "local problems with people in my community." Only 39 percent said they had such discussions today.

The Conservative Media Machine Keeps Growing. Rupert Murdoch owns not just Fox News and the Fox television network, but 29 cable stations, three film production studios, 20 newspapers, five magazines and 38 publishing companies.

His recent purchase of DirecTV gives him access to 11 million satellite subscribers. (3)

Fox News has more viewers than CNN and MSNBC combined. Clear Channel Communications owns 1,200 radio stations, in 248 of the nation’s top 250 markets, along with 36 television stations, 776,000 outdoor advertising displays, and over 200 concert venues. (4)

Starting this year, more than 100 Clear Channel stations will begin each hour with a 5-minute newscast provided by Fox Radio.

Sinclair Broadcasting owns the largest percentage of network television stations in the U.S. (62 stations in 39 second-level markets, reaching 24 percent of the US audience). (5)

The top four religious cable networks have combined weekly viewing of more than 7 million households. 52 percent of U.S. adults listen to Christian radio programming. (6)

Rush Limbaugh is still heard on 600 stations and has an audience of 20 million daily.
Nine out of 14 of the most widely-read columnists are conservative, and Focus on the Family’s James Dobson is the most popular of all.

Sources
Misperceptions, The Media and The Iraq War. Program on International Policy Attitudes (PIPA). October 2, 2003.
Strategic Values Project, as presented in the Death of Environmentalism by Ted Nordhaus and Michael Shellenberger. October 2004.
Who Owns What, Columbia Journalism Review. 7/30/04.
Who Owns What, Columbia Journalism Review. 3/16/04.
About Sinclair, Sinclair Action web site.
Faith and Values Advertising Supplement. Cableworld Magazine, 2004.

This is the same media that repeatedly turns a blind eye to things because Americans don't like to think about things that cast them in a negative light. Prisoner abuse in Abu Ghraib - was it truly that contained? Who knows? We don't want to talk about it anymore. WMD? Oh, no, we went to war to spread freedom like jam. Sure. It's a liberal media. Whatever. But I digress.

Matt was talking the other day about how the Bush administration, if they don't like your message, will just attack you through lies (such as the campaign against the AARP). (Really let's consider the conduct during the primary in 2000 to McCain. This STILL surprises people? 5 years later? Americans are slow...) ;-) How truly, how has it become that disagreement makes you unAmerican? Unpatriotic?

Let me tell you a story about my drive home today. I have a reply brief to write but I left early today. 6. (This meant, by the way that it was still light when I got in the car. Maybe spring really IS coming. But I digress again.)

I have political bumper stickers on my car. They change fairly regularly (they are the magnetic kind -- the rest are on my fridge) so for purposes of my story it doesn't matter what ones happen to be up now. (And because other than one of them - which does become part of the story in a way - it doesn't matter what I have. They all have the same "tone" to them.) (For full disclosure reasons, I shall mention that I also have one of those yellow ribbons that my Uncle sold to us (the ones truly sold my the US military families) for my cousin in Afghanistan.)

Anyway, I can't tell you how many times I get cars from behind me speed up, pass me, give me the finger, move in front of me, and slam on the breaks. One of these times, I just may not stop...I was so tempted not to tonight (because (1) I was tired; (2) my car was bigger. Unfortunately, as usual, I wasn't wearing a seat belt, so I did. Oh, and I like my car.

Ironically, one of those bumper stickers says exactly what I said to Matt - "freedom of speech means the freedom to disagree." My disagreement is not appreciated. And I live in a "blue" county...

Speaking of, I got this shirt



in the mail yesterday. Ordered from here. I can't wait to have a chance to wear it and annoy people. (I like to annoy people; this explains a lot about me, doesn't it?) Yes, I ordered a tshirt not from Northern Sun. I thought variety would be nice...

Man who has oral sex cannot sue woman for theft because the sperm were hers to keep...

"She asserts that when plaintiff 'delivered' his sperm, it was a gift -- an absolute and irrevocable transfer of title to property from a donor to a donee. There was no agreement that the original deposit would be returned upon request."

And people wonder why I love the law...

I understand you can look at a baby and feel all sorts of feelings. Tenderness. Responsibility. Overwheming awe.

But a sexual response? I just don't get that. At all. Disgusting. How on earth do you sexually assault a 7-month old? What type of person is that? Other than a monster, which I understand, what type of person, what happened to that person, what is missing, I just don't get it.

This is where I maintain there is a special place in hell for people who hurt animals and children. I would love to send them there myself...

You Vote On My Social Life

So I'm in the Cleveland Professional 20/30 Club. (Anyone here in Cleveland a member? There are over 400 members.) And they have spring sports. FUN sports. My options are Flag Football (Monday nights - when I have dinner with my family), Kickball (Wednesday nights), Soccer (Wednedays), Softball (Thursday or Sundays), or Beach Volleyball. (Actually, I have more options that than, but options that I'd LIKE to do.)

So what should I do? I asked a few people around here, no one is interested in playing with me. :( So basically, I'd go solo. Shocker. So my social life is in your hands...

So this is somewhat ironic after the lady in the wheelchair yelled at me for using the handicapped bathroom stall.

Tonight I ran to the mall to get a crown and dress for this weekend (more on that later) and I got a parking ticket for parking in a handicapped parking place. I was livid. Just livid. There was absolutely no sign marking the spot as handicapped. So what does a disgrunted attorney do?? Pulls out her camera phone and starts taking pictures of the lack of sign in front and the pavement (in Ohio, you can mark the pavement too) showing that because of the snow (since about 3 pm) you couldn't see the ground to see if anything was marked.

Then I went to the police station mad. And I mean, MAD. The officer who gave me the ticket first said, "look, it wasn't too bad, everyone else knew it was handicapped." And I'm really getting upset. Insisting that I can't see it. Showing him the pictures from my cell phone.

Then he said that he had to give tickets tot he car next to me and across from me. And now I'm even more convinced. The cars everywhere else other than where we were had signs! The four cars where they had just the pavement marked, THREE of them get tickets, and he insists that it's visible despite the snow, despite my pictures showing the contrary?

So now I'm raving. "There is no way I'm paying this ticket. I'm counsel for the city, and if I have to call they mayor, I'm not paying this ticket." So he says if I refuse to pay the ticket, he's getting the sargeant. Fine. Go ahead. Finally, the sargeant comes out. And I try again. I got this ticket. There is no sign. He says that the pavement is marked. I pull out my camera. "Where?" NOW it does some good, and he voided the ticket for me. (Perhaps because I said that I wouldn't pay for it and it wasn't worth fighting me over. Or because a clearly irrational woman was about to cry with frustration. Remember, I was told that I'm emotional during my review. And this extends to everything in life, not just work. Yeah...I'm an adult... Sigh. I know, this seems like the equivalent of a girl crying to get out of a ticket. But damnit, I did nothing wrong. I get a ticket I feel is undeserved, immediately go to the police station with pictures supporting my argument.

Now the shopping experience. First, I got a crown. Yay. That way I can be a princess. Well, not really with the dress that I got. It's not "princess-y" but more black tie-y. I can't figure out what a princess would wear anyway. I mean, Snow White wore rags.

First, I considered getting this dress just to see my friends' reaction. This dress was black with rindstones around the cut of the dress, and the front of the dress is cut more than six inches down the front. (Yes, I've got the chest to pull it off, even now.) But the downside -- the reason I don't wear such things is that I'm not comfortable at all in them. And just to see a reaction, I'd have to be uncomfortable all night. It was a tough decision. But I went with comfort and not shocking my friends. ;-) I ended up with a dress that was acceptable, but I don't love. So if I get a few hours sometime (right...) then I may go see if I can get another one.

I'm most excited about the crown though...

So my weekend in Boston.

I was there to visit 5 college friends. We’ve all known each other 10+ years...a truly frightening number. Aren’t I still 21??? 28 just seemed so much OLDER than I am right now.
I had a great weekend. It was completely reinvigorating. Received the usual "move to Boston" nudge. At dinner on Friday we decided that we are going to write a book on hellish dates - it’s sad that we have enough hellish dates b/c a half dozen of us to be an instant bestseller. Oh well.

On Saturday we went to Salem, and I ended up going to 2 psychics. My friends were all gung ho for one psychic who was sick. (Didn't he know we were coming?) We ended up elsewhere upon a recommendation and the recommended guy did 2 of us (and relatively well, from what I’ve heard) and a woman who was awful did two of us. We were so jealous that the others got a good reading that we both went to another guy who they had been to before. (He was decidedly passable. You don't feel ripped off; you don't feel like he was dead on.) Oh, but for the record, that makes all three psychics that I've been to in 2005 who say that they see a move in my future. The first woman said Texas, the second was nondescript, and the third mentioned the American Southwest. My friends cracked up at the second place b/c he asked me if I was going on or discussed going on a cruise, and the day before, we had discussed a singles cruise.

But this is weird. A pretty significant scar appeared on my right arm on Saturday when I was in Salem. Perplexed and a bit worried, I showed this to my friend and said that I had never seen it before. This was an old scar, you know the type, kind of faded into white. It was literally like someone took a knife and dug skin out of me. Like I should have gotten stitches and never did. It was indented pretty deep. You could run your finger over it. Maybe an inch in length. It was gone Saturday night at the bar. I showed it to my friend again who freaked out. When I first showed it to her and said that I had never seen it before. I have no explanation for it.

Then Saturday night we went to a birthday party at the bar and openly judged my one friend’s new boyfriend (he remarked how protective we were of her and told her that his friends weren't protective. It must be a girl thing). He was an attorney. I mention this b/c there was some guy who wouldn’t stop insulting lawyers...turns out that he wants to go to law school. A desire to hate oneself?? I recommended therapy. THEN another guy was a third year law student. All in all, WAY too many lawyers. But otherwise an enjoyable party. AND no smoking in public buildings in Boston. So a smoke free bar. Score.

Then Sunday we did brunch before I had to (sniff sniff) leave. Yes, mundane, everyday stuff. And yes, a fantastic time.

This is pretty cool. You can type in a name and it shows you it's popularity by decate. (Not that her name is dated, but my grandmother's name isn't anywhere anymore.) I was completely capticated by the colors changing. Fun...

Via Dern.

I shall discuss Boston trip soon. In a word, fantastic. I have to be AT WORK at 7:15 am (what IS it with Mondays?!) so I need some rest. Ugh!

Hope everyone is doing fantastically!!

Again, reminding everyone in Cleveland to attend Jump Back Ball, the black tie/costume party this Saturday the 26. This is the 14th annual ball, the theme this year is A Knight To Remember: Party Like It's 1399. The decorations will, in a word, rock. And I'm not saying that just because I've been decorating. Open bar, free food, free parking, tarot reader, some gambling, raffles to win, dragons, crests, knights, horses. 800 people having a great time, and you want to make sure that you are there!! If you come, I'll buy you a drink! ;-)

Check it out here.

Or order tickets here.

First, thanks so much everyone for the well wishes! That was so nice of you all. And since I didn't get fired this week, it must have done some good. Of course, there is always next time.

"Why next time," you ask? Well, because we didn't finish! I'm...how do you say it...long-winded. So I'm forced to go back to Cincinnati sometime. And I hate Cincinnati. I am part of the sect up here that just wants it to be part of Kentucky.

First off, how easily satisfied am I? I walk into my hotel, and there is a lapdesk on the bed. A lap desk. I love lap desks. I use one al the time at home. (Yes, I'm that big of a dork.) So that made me happy.

Anyway, on Tuesday I had to go to interview people. Fun, right? The partner leaves me his keys to drive there. It takes 10 minutes to get there. I give myself 20 minutes in case I get lost. Good thing -- it took me 10 minutes to figure out how to start his car. Basically, the key chain he hands me had 2 of those remote keys on it, 4 copies of keys, and 2 manufacturer keys. I figured out which remote opened the doors, but for the life of me couldn't get any of the 6 keys to fit. I tried several times, I got out of the car to see what keys manually unlocked the car door (none of them). I went back to the hotel room to see if one had fallen off. Nothing. And I'm desperate. This was the worst thing to happen to me in my entire life. I contemplated calling the partner (he was in dep. so I'd just get his VM) or asking the hotel staff. I'm about to call the person I'm interviewing and say that I'm unable to get there to see if I could do it via the telephone. And then I see this button on the remote keyless entry for the bar. I push it, and pop -- out comes the key. Great...Am I the dumbest person to ever live? Yes, I think I am...

Then at evening, I took with me my laptop and my printer, and that was a bad call. First my laptop froze. It's 11 pm THE NIGHT BEFORE MY DEP, and I call the firm's IT tech guy on his cell. During this conversation trying to explain what's wrong and it fixes itself. Great...So I apologize for bothering him and hang up. THEN I realize that my printer jammed. NO idea what to do. I'm trying to yank the paper out, but I can't get my fingers in the printer. And I rip the paper. Again, this is the worst thing to ever happen to me ever. EVER. But since the car thing worked out and I wasn't late, this has surpassed the car as the worst thing to ever happen to me in my entire life. I'm beyond stressed out. I am near tears. Just near tears. But the partner is there, so I refuse to show being near tears. But I have no idea what I'm going to do b/c short of hooking my laptop up during the dep (and my screen is broken) I'm screwed. And if this weren't my first deposition, I could go on my own flow, but come on. My first? Without the "script" as it is? No way. And I have exhibits I need to copy. (My printer is also a photocopier.) I mean, this is bad. After about an hour (no exaggeration - mainly b/c I didn't need to in order to get my point across), I finally figured out that it opened in the back. So that was a big help in trying to unjam the paper. But it still says it's jammed, and I'm confused and upset and stressed and nervous and just ready to take out that plastic butter knife and do some damage. So I go to dinner. But sans car, my options are limited to the sports bar right down the road. It's 11 pm and I'm going to a sports bar. Yeah, this is a good idea. I take my laptop with me (wow...I *am* a big dork) and am reading over my dep at the bar. Anyway, at one point I run to the bathroom. There is a line. On a random Tuesday night. You have GOT to be kidding me. But no, this is Cincinnati (actually Kentucky) and I guess this is the only place around. Whatever. So people are waiting blah blah blah. (You boys don't have that problem, do you? That's bullshit. But I (again) digress.) Someone walks out, I walk in. (With my laptop, by the way. I was getting SO many strange looks, but I wasn't going to leave my only copy of my dep outline alone. (Secondary was the thought of letting my laptop alone.) I can't even imagine what they were thinking. Or, rather, I can, and ick. Anyway, I come out of the bathroom, and the other two stalls are still full, and there is still somewhat of a line (meaning one person in line.) Oh, did I mention that the woman was in a wheelchair?!?! She makes a remark about how the handicapped stalls (the one that I was in b/c it was the first one to open while I was standing in line) aren't to be used by people who aren't handicapped. Are you KIDDING me? Lady, don't fucking start. I'm THISCLOSE to going off, and I really don't give a shit that you are in a wheelchair. This isn't a handicapped parking place. There wasn't another damn fucking bathroom stall. So basically, of the 3 stalls, when there is a line, there is supposed to be an empty stall the entire time just in case? AND the other two stalls were still full. Oh, I was so irritated. Must.Leave.Restaurant. Because I'm just spoiling for a fight and when I get like that, well, it's a bad situation all around.

But the good news, I got back, reopened the back of my printer, turned some knobs (no idea why, there was no damn paper there) and plugged it back in and prayed...and it worked!! Yay for hard copies. (My plan: leave it for the partner, then make whatever changes he had in the am and reprint the hard copy. Didn't work. He made changes but I didn't have time to reprint it in the am. So I had to try to read his chicken scratch. Oye!)

Then at the deposition, I have 101 thoughts going through my head. And it doesn't help that I'm so incredibly nervous, and I'm one of those people who doesn't want to *show* that I'm nervous. So I'm playing it off like it's no big deal, and meanwhile I am just petrified that I'm going to ask the wrong question, or I'm going to do something wrong in not following up with a question, and I'm not going to get the essential elements of a case out of the plaintiff and we won't be able to get summary judgment. So I'm petrified. Trying to be "me" and engaging to get him talking (yes, I can SO be engaging) ;-) but also be a lawyer. (I'm not as good at being that...)

Every so often, the partner would whisper to me, "follow up on that." And at one point, he whispers that to me while the plaintiff is answering, and the plaintiff yells (on the record) "EXCUSE ME. I'm not done with my answer. I'm still talking." Oh my. (Would you be surprised if I admitted he was terminated for being a hothead?) After he finished pontificating, I asked him, "Can I talk to him now?" Again, I was near tears. This was bad.

At one time I asked him to describe his termination meeting, and he goes on and on and on. So then I ask him, "And how did that make you feel?" and he started crying. CRYING. I made the plaintiff CRY. I felt so bad. I had no idea what I was going to do. I swear, there is a place in hell for me. I felt so awful. Completely awful. This is the worst thing to happen to me in my entire life. (I see a theme...)

And now? Now I feel like I was just on the losing match of a sparring match. I think that it was because, all day Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, I was completely tense. Every part of my body was tense with the stress and anticipation. So now I'm completely sure.

So let's talk stress. Last week I was given an "one day" research assignment. (Whenever you hear the partner say "one day" or "few hour" research assignment, they are lying to you.) So on Friday - realizing I wasn't done and I was going to be gone, I called and left her a VM message. "Hey, I'll be out of town the next several days. I wanted to let you know where I stood. Issue 1 the answers are A,B, and C. Issue 2 the answers are A, B, C, D, and E. I am not done with issue 3." On Saturday night I was working until all hours doing the research for a reply brief to file on Tuesday. Then Sunday I spent 8-10 hours preparing for my deposition. All Monday, Tueday, and Wedensday, between 4 hours driving two of those days, and working and whatnot, I worked 15 hours all three days. On Tuesday, I called my VM to check my messages and had a call from the partner from Friday. "I wondered when I could expect that assignment." AAGH! What part of "several days" don't you understand?? Ugh! So...I told her she'd have it today or Friday morning. Now, of course, we have the obvious problem - I was planning on taking Friday OFF because my flight leaves at 3. So that's that, and I'm STILL not having luck finding that answer. Then another partner walks into my office and asks how this brief that I'm doing for him is. "It's ok." (This brief is due the 28th, in 11 days. A lifetime in our world.) I assure him he will still have it next Tuesday - the day he asked me for it. He says, "Oh, I need it Monday now." How in the hell am I supposed to do THAT? It's Thursday. I'm working on someone else's stuff. And I'll be GONE Friday afternoon, Saturday, and Sunday. Grr...

So...the deposition is on. I've been working all weekend and didn't finish ANYTHING. What this means - my life sucks. I have to get up at 4 am tomorrow. (I am SO not Suzy Morning Sunshine girl either). I am not done with my dep. outline. I don't have all the documents memorized. I am lost. Lost I tell ya. Lost. And not the fun tv show. But Lost...

So I'll likely not be updating the next 3 days. While my laptop is going with me (no choice; I didn't finish my work!!) (Speaking of, is is weird to take my printer with me?? It's easier for me to work if I have it...) I don't anticipate having internet access. And even if I do, I don't anticipate it being a good IDEA to go online when I have 1001 things to get done.

Which means a few things: (1) I am so going to get fired after this week; (2) I'll be stuck in a hotel (a hotel in KENTUCKY!) without a car (the partner is driving), which is pretty much like being grounded in high school imo, and on Tuesday I'm not even going to the dep., I'm staying in the hotel to prep., so it really sucks; (3) Send happy thoughts my way. Especially on Tuesday, when I'll likely be hyperventilating/panicking and contemplating slitting my wrists with a plastic butter knife rather than take a deposition by myself. (OK,when I'm not super excited, I'm petrified that I'm going to mess up and lose the entire case singlehandedly. I have that ability you know. Superman could fly. My superhero ability is singlehandedly losing cases. The only reason I haven't shown my abilities yet is because I haven't had the chance.) (4) Jen, Alli, Susan...feel free to call me and save me from myself. Because you know that with my melodramatic flair, I'll be freaking out.

Would you let me handle a case?

I thought not. (Good call, by the way.)

See you all soon. Oh, no one do anything super exciting until I get back!! I hate missing things.

Oh, and thanks everyone who gave me song ideas. So far I've downloaded 34 songs. I'm still downloading. But I have new music to listen to in Cinci at least.

Calling all Ohio residents...(Via CCYD):

Sweeping federal “national security” legislation such as the USA PATRIOT Act needlessly expanded wide-ranging police powers and threatens the very rights and freedoms that we are struggling to protect. Now, the Ohio Senate will soon be considering its own “Ohio PATRIOT Act” and we need your help to stop it.

By unnecessarily expanding police powers, the Ohio PATRIOT Act attacks free speech and allows for indiscriminate invasions of privacy. To date, five Ohio municipalities (Cleveland Heights, Oxford, Oberlin, Toledo and Yellow Springs) have passed resolutions expressing concerns regarding the state of civil liberties. If successful, this legislation would pull Homeland Security funding from these communities simply because concerned citizens exercised their right to free speech. Residents of Ohio should not have their security jeopardized for voicing concerns about the PATRIOT Act.

This bill would allow law enforcement agents to sweep in and force everyone in any location the government deemed a potential terrorist target -- which could be a football game, public gathering or even a national monument -- to show identification. This unwarranted power could be used to harass peaceful protestors and subject people to unreasonable searches.

This bill also requires that the names of all state government employees -- contract companies and their employees included -- be checked against the national terrorist watch list. Serious concerns have been raised about the accuracy of this terrorist watch list and little information has been made available to the public. For example, it is unclear how individuals end up on the list, how innocent people can get their names removed and how the list is maintained. Innocent people could be denied a job or contract position because their name erroneously appears on this secretive government list.

Take action! Urge your State Senator to oppose the Ohio PATRIOT Act and to defend freedom.

Click here for more information and to take action.

As I said before, I have been reliving old psychics. In 2001, I went to see this psychic that I also saw in 1999 and 2000. At that time, he told me that he wouldn't see me for 3 or 4 years. Making it this year. So now I want to go to Toronto to see this psychic, (JEN?) Which made me think about the (unimpressive) psychic that I went to in January. said that I'm going to meet someone with green eyes. I know NO ONE with green eyes. I can't imagine tons of green eyes people are wandering the streets. They are somewhat rare. (Before I get all sorts of "I have green eyes" commentary, they are not hazel. They are supposed to be viberant green, "it's the eyes that will get you first.") (Oh, I did know one person with green eyes once, though since he was color blind he had no idea. Do any of the three people who actually know me remember the hot philosphy boy in college? Sigh. I so preferred it before we became friends and I had to stop lusting after him. Or call him by name rather than hot philosophy boy...Go figure. Who, me? Prefer the image to the person? No...) But I digress. Anyway, then I stumbled across this.

The personality trait respondents most associated with brown eyes was intelligence (34 percent). Brown-eyed people were also thought to be trustworthy (16 percent) and kind (13 percent). Qualities least associated with brown-eyed individuals: shyness (6 percent) and creativity (4 percent).

As for blue eyes, the survey results found they are most often seen as exuding sweetness (42 percent) and sexiness (21 percent) as well as being kind (10 percent), but not shy (4 percent) or trustworthy (2 percent). In contrast to brown eyes, blue eyes are not typically associated with intelligence—only 7 percent of respondents thought of blue-eyed people as intelligent.

People with green eyes were seen as the sexiest (29 percent). Green-eyed people were also thought of as creative (25 percent) and devious (20 percent). Like their blue-eyed counterparts, they are not considered trustworthy (3 percent) or shy (3
percent). And in contrast to those with blue eyes, people with green eyes are not thought of as sweet (4 percent).

Hmm...do I see intelligence, trustworthy, and kind to you? Ok, how about one of the three??

Bottoms Up

I am sorry. I know that it's wrong. But for the life of me, I can't stop laughing at this.

Wife accused of giving man lethal sherry enema
By Richard Stewart
Copyright 2005 Houston Chronicle

ANGLETON - Investigators say a Lake Jackson woman caused her husband's death by giving him a sherry enema, causing his blood alcohol level to surge to 0.47 percent - almost six times the legal intoxication limit.

Tammy Jean Warner, 42, was indicted on a charge of negligent homicide. She is also charged with burning the will of her late husband, Michael Warner, a month before his death in May.

Michael Warner, a 58-year-old machine shop owner, had a long history of alcoholism, but couldn't ingest alcohol because of medical problems with his throat, said Lake
Jackson Police detective Robert Turner. The wine enema was a way he could become intoxicated without drinking alcohol, Turner said.

"I heard of this kind of thing in mortuary school in 1970, but this is the first time I've ever heard of someone actually doing it," Turner said.

Turner said police think she gave him at least two large bottles of sherry, which is stronger than wine, in the enema on May 21. "We're not talking about little bottles here," Turner said, "These were at least 1.5 liter bottles."

She told police that she later found him dead in his bed. Turner said she admitted giving him the sherry, but not of causing his death.

Tammy Warner surrendered to Lake Jackson police Monday and was released on $30,000 bond.

I know. I'm completely evil. But I can't stop laughing. That must be a horrible way to die. Alcoholics are victims in their own way. Blah blah blah. But I can't stop laughing...

Help!

I'm really uninspired with my music today. If it's not too much trouble, please give me an idea for a song that you think I might like too, so that I can download it. (Legally...iTunes people!) Something I otherwise wouldn't check out on my own. As we know, I don't do rap. But all else is ok. (Oh, and there isn't an REM song that I don't have, so don't bother with that - though I appreciate trying to think of what I'd like!) ;-)

Thanks in advance.

Hey, Blogger finally updated...

"Elsewhere, fears about the future of Social Security may be delaying the retirement of many Americans who should no longer be working, such as Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld. "

I LOVE Andy Borowitz...

So for work, we have to take that Jung Typology Test. I am not sure why, but something about determining what type of firm leaders we will be? It's some select group of associates (select = those who signed up). I learned that I am an ENFP. (An Extroverted Intuitive Feeling Perceiving) I am not sure how I feel about that. I never considered myself extroverted. Anyway, reading on what that little test says I am. Not sure how much I agree. Or disagree. What do I know?

The Champion Idealists are abstract in thought and speech, cooperative in accomplishing their aims, and informative and extraverted when relating with others. For Champions, nothing occurs which does not have some deep ethical significance, and this, coupled with their uncanny sense of the motivations of others, gives them a talent for seeing life as an exciting drama, pregnant with possibilities for both good and evil. This type is found in only about 3 percent of the general population, but they have great influence because of their extraordinary impact on others. Champions are inclined to go everywhere and look into everything that has to do with the advance of good and the retreat of evil in the world. They can't bear to miss out on what is going on around them; they must experience, first hand, all the
significant social events that affect our lives. And then they are eager to relate the stories they've uncovered, hoping to disclose the "truth" of people and issues, and to advocate causes. This strong drive to unveil current events can make them tireless in conversing with others, like fountains that bubble and splash, spilling over their own words to get it all out.

Champions consider intense emotional experiences as being vital to a full life, although they can never quite shake the feeling that a part of themselves is split off,
uninvolved in the experience. Thus, while they strive for emotional congruency,
they often see themselves in some danger of losing touch with their real feelings, which Champions possess in a wide range and variety. In the same vein, Champions strive toward a kind of spontaneous personal authenticity, and this intention always to "be themselves" is usually communicated nonverbally to others, who find it quite attractive. All too often, however, Champions fall short in their efforts to be authentic, and they tend to heap coals of fire on themselves, berating themselves for the slightest self-conscious role-playing.

From by Marina Margaret Heiss

General: ENFPs are both "idea"-people and "people"-people, who see everyone and everything as part of an often bizarre cosmic whole. They want to both help (at least, their own definition of "help") and be liked and admired by other people, on bo th an individual and a humanitarian level. They are interested in new ideas on principle, but ultimately discard most of them for one reason or another.

Social/Personal Relationships: ENFPs have a great deal of zany charm, which can ingratiate them to the more stodgy types in spite of their unconventionality. They are outgoing, fun, and genuinely like people. As SOs/mates they are warm, affectionate (l ots of PDA), and disconcertingly spontaneous. However, attention span in relationships can be short; ENFPs are easily intrigued and distracted by new friends and acquaintances, forgetting about the older ones for long stretches at a time. Less mature E NFPs may need to feel they are the center of attention all the time, to reassure them that everyone thinks they're a wonderful and fascinating person.

ENFPs often have strong, if unconvential, convictions on various issues related to their Cosmic View. They usually try to use their social skills and contacts to persuade people gently of the rightness of these views; his sometimes results in their negle cting their nearest and dearest while flitting around trying to save the world.
Work Environment: ENFPs are pleasant, easygoing, and usually fun to work with. They come up with great ideas, and are a major asset in brainstorming sessions. Followthrough tends to be a problem, however; they tend to get bored quickly, especially if a newer, more interesting project comes along. They also tend to be procrastinators, both about meeting hard deadlines and about performing any small, uninteresting tasks that they've been assigned. ENFPs are at their most useful when working in a group w ith a J or two to take up the slack.

ENFPs hate bureaucracy, both in principle and in practice; they will always make a point of launching one of their crusades against some aspect of it.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving
by Joe Butt

ENFPs are friendly folks. Most are really enjoyable people. Some of the most soft-hearted people are ENFPs.

ENFPs have what some call a "silly switch." They can be intellectual, serious, all business for a while, but whenever they get the chance, they flip that switch and become CAPTAIN WILDCHILD, the scourge of the swimming pool, ticklers par excellence. Som etimes they may even appear intoxicated when the "switch" is flipped.

One study has shown that ENFPs are significantly overrepresented in psychodrama. Most have a natural propensity for role-playing and acting.

ENFPs like to tell funny stories, especially about their friends. This penchant may be why many are attracted to journalism. I kid one of my ENFP friends that if I want the sixth fleet to know something, I'll just tell him.

ENFPs are global learners. Close enough is satisfactory to the ENFP, which may unnerve more precise thinking types, especially with such things as piano practice ("three quarter notes or four ... what's the difference?") Amazingly, some ENFPs are adept at exacting disciplines such as mathematics.

Friends are what life is about to ENFPs, moreso even than the other NFs. They hold up their end of the relationship, sometimes being victimized by less caring individuals. ENFPs are energized by being around people. Some have real difficulty being alone , especially on a regular basis.

One ENFP colleague, a social worker, had such tremendous interpersonal skills that she put her interviewers at ease during her own job interview. She had the ability to make strangers feel like old friends.

ENFPs sometimes can be blindsided by their secondary Feeling function. Hasty decisions based on deeply felt values may boil over with unpredictable results. More than one ENFP has abruptly quit a job in such a moment.

Functional Analysis

Extraverted iNtuition
The physical world, both geos and kosmos, is the ENFP's primary source of information. Rather than sensing things as they are, dominant intuition is sensitive to things as they might be. These extraverted intuitives are most adept with patterns and connections. Their natural inclination is toward relationships, especially among people or living things.

Intuition leans heavily on feeling for meaning and focus. Its best patterns reflect the interesting points of people, giving rise to caricatures of manner, speech and expression.

Introverted Feeling
Auxiliary feeling is nonverbally implied more often than it is openly expressed. When expressed, this logic has an aura of romance and purity that may seem out of place in this flawed, imperfect world. In its own defense, feeling judgement frequently and fleetly gives way to humor. ENFPs who publicize their feelings too often may put off some of the crowd of friends they naturally attract.

Extraverted Thinking
Thinking, the process which runs to impersonal conclusions, holds the extraverted tertiary position. Used on an occasional basis, ENFPs may benefit greatly from this ability. Less mature and lacking the polish of higher order functions, Thinking is not well suited to be used as a prominent function. As with other FP types, the ENFP unwary of Thinking's limitations may find themselves most positively mistaken.

Introverted Sensing
Sensing, the least discernible ENFP function, resides in the inner world where reality is reduced to symbols and icons--ideas representing essences of external realities. Under the influence of the ever-present intuition, the ENFP's sensory perceptions are in danger of being replaced by hypothetical data consistent with pattern and paradigm. When it is protected and nourished, introverted sensing provides information about the fixed. From such firm anchoring ENFPs are best equipped to launch into thousands of plausibilities and curiosities yet to be imagined.

Perhaps the combination of introverted Feeling and childlike introverted Sensing is responsible for the silent pull of ENFPs to the wishes of parents, authority figures and friends. Or perhaps it's the predominance of indecisive intuition in combination with the ambiguity of secondary Fi and tertiary Te that induces these kind souls to capitulate even life-affecting decisions. Whatever the dynamic, ENFPs are strongly influenced by the opinions of their friends.

Famous ENFPs:
Franz Joseph Haydn, composer Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain)
Will Rogers, humorist
Buster Keaton
Theodor "Dr." Seuss Geisel, children's author (The Cat in the Hat)
Mickey Rooney, actor
James Dobson, "Focus on the Family"
Andy Rooney, television news commentator
Carol Burnett, comedian
Paul Harvey, radio announcer
Elizabeth Montgomery, actor (Bewitched)
Bill Cosby, comedian, actor (Ghost Dad)
Dom Delouise, actor
Dave Thomas, owner of Wendy's hamburger chain
Lewis Grizzard, newspaper columnist
I. King Jordan, president of Gallaudet University
Martin Short, actor-comedian
Meg Ryan, actor (When Harry Met Sally)
Robin Williams, actor, comedian (Dead Poet's Society, Mrs. Doubtfire)
Sandra Bullock, actor (Speed, While You Were Sleeping)
Robert Downey (Heart and Souls)
Alicia Silverstone (Clueless)
Sinbad
Andy Kaufman

Fictional:
Dr. Doug Ross (ER)
Balkie (Perfect Strangers)
Ariel (The Little Mermaid)
The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
Steve Irkle

Unlawful wounding?

Poor guy...



And this is because our time is too damn valuable to waste. That's just smart. And I'd totally use the service. Call me a judgmental elitist bitch all you want. You'll probably just do me justice.

So today I managed to get emotional and upset and have one of those outbursts that I didn't think before speaking. Way to go in controlling that, idiot. It's been - what, a week - since my review?? I forgot already... So what did I do this time, you ask? (Ok, I know you didn't, but the point of this post is to discuss this, so let's pretend, you and I.) We had a committee meeting, and I expressed myself in a way that will not be looked upon favorably at my next evaluation. (Luckily, it's 12 months away.) My exact quote was that it was "fucking bullshit."

For that little expression, I was pulled out into the hallway with a partner and lectured. I was told that while constructive criticism is ok, negativity is not. (What is not constructive about saying that something is fucking bullshit?) Anyway, I tried to explain my thought process, but I was interrupted with a, "do you understand what I am telling you?" Defeated, I answered yes - I guess my opinion is irrelevant. Then I get a condescending, "then what am I saying to you." (Well, actually, you are saying all sorts of things which, if I expressed them, would get me fired. Is that what you mean? Oh, you mean what are you trying to say? He literally made me repeat it. I was standing there with my arms crossed. If you could get fired over body language, I'd totally be fired.)

And in case you wondered what was fucking bullshit, the local bar association wants to create a pro bono system. It had community goals for committments for 100,000 hours of pro bono work for 2005. It received a promise for over 70,000 hours (from 35+ firms). My firm is one of those 35. So this was the firm meeting for those with interest. It had the partner in charge or the effort, my mentor (a junior partner), two other (both senior) partners, a (senior) named parter, the (senior) managing partner, and four associates. The four associates are all female and are all junior. (Two started at the firm in 2002, one in 2003, and one in 2004.) And they said they can't make pro bono mandatory, and my response was, "why?" They want people who are truly interested. I pointed out that many other firms had a pro bono requirement, and said that others aren't interested b/c they are concerned with their billable hours, and the fact that only 4 associates showed up is fucking bullshit. (And on the billable hours requirement, many firms offer some or all of the pro bono work as billable hours. But I digress.)

Then around 5, my mentor came in to tell me that I can't be angry when people don't do charity because I will be angry all the time, because more people don't do anything than do in this world. (He also said that I can't complain unless I give the tithe (10% of my salary) to charity.) (This conversation, of course, means that my mentor and I have had two conversations in 2005, which is two more than we had in 2004.) He also assured me that "anyone who matters was in that meeting." (I am not 100% sure why he said that, but I assume that it's because the managing partner and a named partner were there are were committed to the program.) That's fantastic, but I'm not interested in pro bono work to score points. A point I kept to myself. He asked why I did charity word. You know, I don't know. He said that it was b/c it made me feel good. I'm not sure that's it. I think it's more a sense of obligation in a way. I have been given such benefits that others don't have, and I owe it to give something back. Call it karma. Whatever. The fact is, I am luckier than so many people, not because I deserve to be, but because there but for the grace of God...

Anyway, this is a long way to say that I still think that pro bono should be mandatory. They get tables for dinners (like $1000 a head affairs) and they push and push and push until we agree to go to [insert cause here] dinner. But they can't push pro bono work? Are you kidding me?

I think that someone at CNN has a sense of humor. This makes me laugh. Check out the identifying remarks under the photo. It's like he's a real person. Since we are talking CNN, I'd think that it's someone who didn't realize that it was humerous or, god forbid, someone who themself is part of that entire craziness, if not for a similar statement under the picutre here. An "undated" photo. I'm way too easily amused in life. When CNN amuses me, I know I have a problem...

Oh, and after my weekend of 50 degrees, and even in the 40s yesterday...it's snowing today. Guess my spring is over. I blame Punxsutawney Phil. (Speaking of blaming, my one friend blames everything on the Jewish population. No, he's not the least bit anti-Semitic; he's trying to make a statement concerning how certain groups get blamed for everything. If you complain about the weather, his response will be, "You know who's to blame for that?" I'd personally argue that now that group is Arab Americans - does anyone watch 24? Did they catch the tolerance bit? As Jon Stewart pointed out last week, of COURSE 24 was fiction; it had a black president, for crying out loud.

Which leads me to the fact that the American Nazi Party is still around spreading hate. (They are by no means the only American hate group, I sometimes thing that hate is as American as mom and apple pie.) But I hate the fact that they get to spread their blond-haired, blue-eyed white (likely male) heterosexual supremacist agenda on highways. And even more, I hate the fact that my liberal "hating America-ness" (thanks Matt) insists that I protect the First Amendment right of messages that literally sicken me.

I should get to work before I emotionally disgust myself and can't work for the rest of the day.

I miss the old fashion days where there were Skittles in the vending machine at work.

So get this. IF a TRO is not filed in another case tomorrow, and IF Plaintiff's counsel gets discovery to us (it was due yesterday, but I gave him a 2-dayextension b/c he gave me a 2-day extension) then I am going to Cincinnati next Monday through Wednesday for depositions in one of my cases. Other than being in Cincinnati, which in general sucks because it's Cincinnati, we are doing dep. prep on Monday with our witnesses who are being deposed on Tuesday. Then Tuesday I...am preparing to take the Plaintiff's deposition on Wednesday. By myself. I must repeat that because I'm not sensing the appropriate awe from everyone.

By.

Myself.

I don't think that anyone I "know" is in Cincinnati, are they? I could comp dinner, but I think that no one in their right mind lives in Cincinnati. Then again, I might be somewhat nervous and eating might be bad.

In case I forgot to mention, this is my first deposition

by

myself.

(I feel like the Blue Fairy talking to Pinocchio, but instead of one day being a real live boy, one day I'll be a real live attorney...)

Internet down at work. Cannot.function. Actually, other than my need to mess around at work and keep up on my news, I actually had to use Lexis today. And I couldn't. How am I supposed to draft a reply brief then?

So I get over a box of papers (two sided papers) today to produce for discovery around 12:30. Since two inches of them are already Bates Stamped are 640 pages, I'd guess that there are maybe four thousand pages? Many two sided. Just to give you an idea of my day. Or, rather, my afternoon. At about 5 I want to the parter's office to ask him a question about this - I've finally put the documents in order with the document requests, but had a question about further separating them. He starts asking me questions about their specific content. Now, I've organized them, I haven't read them over. And he says to me, "I really need you to learn these documents so the client doesn't pay twince." Ok, great, but I need more than 4 1/2 hours to organize them and go over each document. I only have so much time in my day. Grr....

So I think I'm going to have to work late tomorrow. Oh, no! This is awful. The finale of The Amazing Race is on. Perhaps I shall go into work early (yeah, like that's likely).

I went tanning over the weekend b/c I could. It was fantastic. I love warmth. I'm thinking of moving to Arizona, Florida, Texas, or California. Anywhere sunny and warm. I hate the winter. Bleh. I hate being cold. Bleh.

Someone was really looking for me. One of my last 20 searches was ""and I feel fine" blog, estephania." Yes, no two ways about that, I was being sought out...

So the Superbowl. As a few of you (Ok, Jen and Erin) know, I had a Superbowl Party. We all know that I like my football. But let's get real. The reason you have a Superbowl party is to watch the Superbowl commercials. That is the reason why people get together to drink beer and eat pizza. So no one talks during the commercials.

Ameriquest won the night hands down. Had not only the funniest commercial, but also the second funniest commercial. I'll just throw out that my chimps/monkeys in the three Careerbuilder.com commercials were most enjoyable, as monkeys always are, but not in the top three. (I did laugh when the one kissed the other boss monkey's ass.) And so I bring you...

My Top Three Superbowl Commericals

#3 The Fed Ex commercial for the top 10 thing to make a great commercial. Come on, you know that you watched every commercial after that for the rest of the game identifying those 10 things. Let's see if I can do them (I'll even attempt in order - don't hold me to it.): (1) Celebrity; (2) Animal (but not monkey...grr); (3) Dancing Animal; (4) Cute Kid; (5) Groin kick; (6) Talking Animal; (7) Beautiful women; (8) Product Message (optimal) (and that "optional" part killed me); (9) Catchy pop song; (10) Bonus Material. Clever. I always enjoy the self-deprecation.

#2 The Ameriquest commercial where the guy goes to his girlfriend's house to make her a romatic dinner, putting flowers on the table, the whole thing. He's making homemade pasta sauce. The cat wanders in, knocks it over, starts to walk in it, he picks up the cat, covered in pasta sauce, which is all over the floor, when the girlfriend walks in. The look of him holding this white cat covered in pasta sauce, with more of it on the floor, is priceless. And the tagline - "Don't Judge Too Quickly, We Won't" was awesome.

#1 The Ameriquest commercial where the guy is talking on his cell phone earpiece about a deck and how much it costs. He goes into a store to pick something up. He asked how much the guy paid, and then you hear him say "You're getting robbed...Did you hear me? You're getting robbed." The store owner turns around and sprays the guy with pepper stray. Then takes a bat and hits him. Then his wife comes in with stun guns. Violent, yes. And I laughed my ass off. (Again, with the "Don't Judge Too Quickly, We Won't" tag.)

(#2 and #1 are practically interchangeable. In fact, I changed my mind in typing it. Both were hysterical. Great.) (If these are anywhere online, I'll try to find links to them tomorrow, in case you missed them.)

But that leads us to the halftime show - does anyone else want to beat Janet Jackson? If not for last year's Janetit, we would not have been subjected to the most boring halftime show ever. I am sure that my parents thought it was great but Paul hasn't been cool since the Beatles.

And going on with the not cool theme, that Ford commercial where the guy is frozen in his convertible at the green light? Not only was it not funny the first time, but I had to see it another three times after that. Ugh. You have got to be kidding me.

And where were the good Budweiser commercials this year? Usually I can count on them for some of the best. I guess without being able to blow farts in faces, Bud was stuck. Visa Check card usually satisfies me too. The action heroes weren't doing it for me. I was disappointed in Pepsi (also usually good for a great ad). And what was up with all the MCHammerness?? Again, cool 15 years ago maybe. Now, he's the freak who went on The Surreal Life.

OH! I almost forgot. The NFL had a great one of them all singing tomorrow, and talking about how tomorrow they will all be undefeated. It was also brilliant. Just all these NLF guys singing "Tomorrow" from Annie was awesome.

The other one I liked was the Emerald Nuts one with Santa, the Easter Bunny, and unicorns. That shows how BAD the rest were if that becomes a favorite one.

The Mastercard one (with all the brand name characters) was ok. Not bad. But not brilliant.

And evidentially I missed one that was ok with testifying before a senate committee.

In short, I was more impressed with last year's Oscars (OK, maybe b/c I loved that entire Badger lost dog thing.) But still. Overall, not impressive. Damn the FCC.

Also, I want to blame Curtis. He mentioned Saturday night/Sunday morning, that he wanted a combo DVD/VCR recorder. So I absolutely needed it. So I went today to Best Buy to buy one. Now I have two VCRs, one hooked up to the tv in the basement (which I never watch) and one hooked up to the tv in my bedroom (I may watch The Daily Show at night from bed). I only have one DVD player, hooked up to my tv in the family room (where my TiVo and myHDTV thing is). Why I just didn't move a VCR if I felt that was necessary I have no idea...

Today, it got to 50 degrees!!! Which means in Cleveland, I wore a short sleeve shirt and no coat. (Actually, the shirt was almost 3 quarter length). Can we say fantastic. I had to stop myself from wearing shorts. But I drove to the West side with the windows and sun roof open. And my hair was still soaking wet b/c I don't believe in hairdryers. Tomorrow, I'll have pneumonia. Totally worth it, by the way.

Back to the Superbowl. Damn the Patriots. I swear McNabb played so bad he must have been paid off. I mean, he couldn't throw the ball if his life depended on it. Or, rather, he couldn't throw the ball to his OWN team if his life depended on it. Take a look at his stats and recall that one fumble and one interception were called back. And I jjust hate dynasties in sports (I know, I'm a damn recording. Every time I saw Joe Buck tonight, I had to announce, "I hate Joe Buck." Just in case everyone missed it the first 100 times I said it. But truly, I hate Joe Buck. And dynsaties in sports.)

So now that the Patriots season is finally over, the Browns can offer Crennel the head coaching job. They did, 2 minutes after the game ended. He probably hadn't even gotten doused yet. And he accepted the job already. That was damn quick.

Oh, and did you see Jose Canseco's comments in his new book that he personally injected Mark McGwire with steroids. That is hysterical. Here's the thing about steroids -- I don't care. We the public demand to see hard hits, high scoring games, blah blah blah. So they deliver. THEN we claim that we don't want that? We can't get what we want without steroids. It's late, I'll have this rant for another day...But rant I will...You have been warned...

So there is this MySpace thing that I joined this past fall b/c you could listen to the entire REM album Around the Sun before it came out and I just bought it. Today I got some random email saying that "Danny" would like to be my friend. (Evidentally, it's like Friendster -- who knew?) I have no idea how people just go and add randomly choose people to add as their friends. It's not like I know him in any way. It's just like he clicked on random things, I'd guess. Whatever. And speaking of friendster, some random guy has started sending my messages via Friendster b/c he saw that I like conspiracy theories. Do people really use that to find new friends?? I thought it was just a fun way to connect with friends that you had. I don't get it. Just add that to my list, I guess.

OK, I'm off to bed. It's after 2, and I have to work tomorrow. :(

Via Eden:

I am 59% Asshole/Bitch.

I am abrasive, some people really hate me, but there may be a group of other tight knit assholes and bitches that I can hang out with and get me. Everybody else? Fuck ‘em.

Take the
Asshole/Bitch Test
@ FualiDotCom

I refuse to accept these results. I just must be tired. Just because I cry when animals die doesn't make me LESS of a bitch! I have a higher opinion of animals than of humans!! That is a trick question...

This is unbelievable.

DURANGO, Colo. (Reuters) - A Colorado judge ordered two teen-age girls to pay about $900 for the distress a neighbor said they caused by giving her home-made cookies adorned with paper hearts.

The pair were ordered to pay $871.70 plus $39 in court costs after neighbor Wanita Renea Young, 49, filed a lawsuit complaining that the unsolicited cookies, left at her house after the girls knocked on her door, had triggered an anxiety attack that sent her to the hospital the next day.

Taylor Ostergaard, then 17, and Lindsey Jo Zellitte, 18, paid the judgment on Thursday after a small claims court ruling by La Plata County Court Judge Doug Walker, a court clerk said on Friday.

The girls baked cookies as a surprise for several of their rural Colorado neighbors on July 31 and dropped off small batches on their porches, accompanied by red or pink paper hearts and the message: "Have a great night."

The Denver Post newspaper reported on Friday that the girls had decided to stay home and bake the cookies rather than go to a dance where there might be cursing and drinking.

It reported that six neighbors wrote letters entered as evidence in the case thanking the girls for the cookies.

But Young said she was frightened because the two had knocked on her door at about 10:30 p.m. and run off after leaving the cookies.

She went to a hospital emergency room the next day, fearing that she had
suffered a heart attack, court records said.

The judge awarded Young her medical costs, but did not award punitive
damages. He said he did not think the girls had acted maliciously but that 10:30
was fairly late at night for them to be out.

Perhaps some boy can explain...

Not to be ungrateful, but...

After work, I went out for "one drink" with my secretary, a partner, and his secretary. One drink turned into another turned into me arriving home around 2:30. The weird part of being a girl is, the partner bought our drinks for us at happy hour (we each had two). Then I drove my secretary to her hometown where she was meeting her boyfriend and one of his friends at the bar. The next thing I know, it's 2 am.

Now here's the part I need help with. I went out with $64 dollars, I came home with $64 dollars, I played two games of bowling (my limit is about 6 frames, so the next game and a half sucked), one game on videogame bowling (I'm not very good at that at all...), two games of darts (I keep a set of personal darts in my car. Boys v. girls. I was on fire, but they boys won. I can get into how wrong that was - I had closed everything but 15, 17, and 18 before they had closed anything, but alas, we lost), we ordered three types appetizers around 7, we ordered Gyros at 2, and we had alcohol all night - at least six shots and eight amaretto sours. (That's what I remember but I think I'm pretty close to accurate.)

So here's my question. Why on earth do boys think that they need to buy a female drinks the entire time? My money absolutely wasn't good tonight. I threw it out several times. Each time I was told, "You get next round." When exactly does this next round occur? And more than that, they get drinks when you are half full, not when you are empty, so at any given point in time I'd have a drink and a half. I left $20 on the table when we left - whey wouldn't even let me pay for the gyros. What is up with that?? Let me help - you ain't getting any from me. No matter how much you buy me drinks.

Not that I mind chivalry, but I'd rather have a car door opened for me than drinks bought me me all night. And you don't want to get mad, because they are just trying to be nice. I just don't know what it is that makes a man decide that he has to buy a woman drinks. When she's already said, "it ain't going to happen."

Anyone?


I was talking and all of a sudden the one guy goes, "one in one hundred." He starts pointing to my eyes which, by the way, makes me all self-conscious. He says, "open your eyes, look here, do this." Ugh. Turns out that he believes that only one in one hundred people, when they open their eyes, have the whites of their eyes showing all around. Yes, this is too recent after the makeup eye fiasco for such eye attention. First, grr. Second, I can't imagine that's true. In my immediate family, I think that four out of five have that (mom, me, sister, brother). Bah.

Oh, I learned that: (1) my secretary voted for Bush; (2) my secretary's boyfriend, a Republican who I generally argue politics with, voted for Kerry; and (3) his random friend - who I evidentially made out with in June, not that I remembered him - is a strong Republicans in every offensive way; and (4) their other friend, who was not there last night but who I argued with back in June when I met him for the first time, moved from this "Navy" Republican to "brainwashed" - according to his own conservative friends.

And want fun. Someone told the partners at his or who review this week that, "I'm not really sure that I want to be a lawyer." And it ain't me. Interesting...

Sarah linked to this awesome article concerning the 50 Most Loathsome People in America. From Ann Coulter, #50, to Kenneth Blackwell, #1.

My personal favorite:
34. Clarence Thomas
Crimes: On the wrong side of every Supreme Court decision since he got the job carrying Scalia’s golf clubs.
Smoking Gun: Angry black man routine during Anita Hill hearings was the most forced overacting this side of Keanu Reeves’ tantrum in Johnny Mnemonic.
Punishment: Led out of the Court in chains after inadvertently casting the deciding vote to reinstitute slavery.

Other than the ones that Sarah mentioned, I also particularly enjoyed:
18. Mel Gibson
Crimes: As with any religious nut, expects people to take his delusional bullshit seriously. Is obsessed with pain and suffering, as can be observed in the numerous Hulk Hogan style “now I’m really mad” scenes in nearly all of his movies, in which he endures medically impossible levels of bodily punishment before rising to vanquish his cartoonish foes. This is such a routine motif in Gibson’s work that we half expected Jesus to jump off the cross and start kicking Jewish ass in The Passion of the Christ. More historically revisionist than Oliver Stone.
Smoking Gun: Shot about 11 times in the climax of Lethal Weapon II, yet still saunters off with his partner as the credits roll, apparently not in need of medical attention.
Punishment: Neurodegenerative illness that could have been cured through stem cell research.

And #3. (Speaking of which, what *is* Julia wearing to the Oscars??)

For the two people who had to hear the long, drawn out story - SORRY!!! (Much of this will be a repeat for you - but not nearly as exhaustive as what you got.) ;-)

The best part, when I asked about edits to briefs, specifically for Yoda, the partner looked at her papers and said, "I don't have anything about anything like that here. "Yoda likes working with you." Yay! I said that was a good thing because he was my Jedi knight. (Since I've now told every other attorney I call him Yoda, should I tell him?)

OK. So, let me start by saying that it's not as if I don't realize the areas where I need development (cough emotional cough.) Still, I hate annual reviews. It's not that I mind the constructive criticism. It's more that I *hate* the feeling thatI've let someone down. That's one of the worst things for me.

But I have to set the day up. I've mentioned that I don't really feeling comfortable with my mentor before. He's part of the boys club, and he's belittling so I can't ask him dumb questions (part of having a mentor). He walks into my office and says, "want to go to lunch?" Well, no, but as technically we are supposed to talk somewhat often so that he can give me advice and direction (thus, the "mentor" part of our relationship), I went.

I get back, do a bit of work and around 4:30 or so being to think I'll leave early.) And then, I get the call for my review. As in now. As in, no fair, it's not Thursday, and didn't I already have enough tension for one day??

The review is given by three senior partners. They sit at this table, one across from you, one next to you, and the other next to you at the head of the table. So you are essentially surrounded, and you can't look at everyone. I felt like General Custer...

We have three categories: Exceeds Expectations, Meets Expectations, and Below Expectations. At our firm if you are at "Meets Expectations" then you are on the partnership track. All 14 graded areas were some sort of Meets Expectations. Two minuses and five plusses within that. So it's not like I'm out in left field being a lawyer I guess. I wasn't surprised that one of the negatives was dealings with opposing counsel. I was told to be less passionate, less emotional, less real, less political around clients. (Are we starting to think that perhaps my personality is a bit extreme?) They assured me that this is something that comes with practice, so they weren't too concerned at this time, but I have to be aware of it.

So nothing was surprising at all. No shockers. My strenths were what I suspected they were, the same with my weaknesses.