Props to Cleveland from the New York Times:

THE Cleveland of ''American Splendor,'' the 2003 Oscar-nominated movie, is a
dreary 1980's town of thrift stores and shambling eccentrics, a place where
you'd barely care to spend two hours, let alone a weekend. Today, Cleveland
hardly feels like the same place. In the 1990's, public-private enterprise
replaced center-city blight with new sports stadiums and the lakefront Rock and
Roll Hall of Fame and Museum. Meanwhile, downtown's revival spurred
gentrification into forgotten enclaves along the Cuyahoga River. There's a
thriving art scene in Tremont, and the retooled Warehouse District has become a
place to be, rather than flee, after dark. Clevelanders remain, by nature, a
self-deprecating lot. But before long, calling their town hip, cosmopolitan --
even splendid -- won't sound so ironic.

The reporter went church hunting, explored Tremont and the West Side Market, the Great Lakes Brewing Co (hey, I was there on Saturday), Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, West 6th, and the museums at University Circle (by me!). I could have recommended a few more places, but ok.

I got the Darth Vader toy from Star Wars from Burger King!

This made me laugh. "Nine Inch Nails dropped out of the MTV Movie Awards after clashing with the network over an image of President Bush the band planned as a performance backdrop." Reznor's response: "Apparently, the image of our president is as offensive to MTV as it is to me." Ha.

The Killers were really good live, if anyone plans to go. Wven with the little 14 year olds in front of me, shrilly screaming how much they love them. I swear to god, I would have given my firstborn if they would have gone through puberty during the concert so that at least the screams would be less shrill. (Oh, and afterwards, we went to the piano bar and Billy was there. Still adorable.)

My cousin died on Thursday, so I have to go to the wake tomorrow and the funeral on Tuesday. Tomorrow I have to go to the cemetary because it's Memorial Day. The sad thing is that my cousin who died, he was one of the people who participated in the Memorial Day parade and ceremony. And he'll actually be buried in the cemetary (it's an orthodox one) but not until Tuesday.

Hope everyone is having a great Memorial Day weekend.

One of my friends send me this story about Saaya Irie, an 11-year-old Japanese singer/budding actress. Who, due to hormones and all sorts of things in life that suck, is an F-cup. F. I wasn't even that big before I had the breast reduction! I am literally in pain for her. And she's only 11. It can get worse! But what happened is that now all these Chinese people are looking for photographs of her and, well, you get the idea. Here's really the disturbing part to me - she's 11. ELEVEN. And all these people are searching for photos of her so that they can whack off or do whatever to her ohotograph, and at the end of the day, she's still 11. It's essentially child porn. Ugh. It just revolts me.

My cute little iPod has 264 REM songs on it. This makes me very happy. The fact that I can have REM any time my little heart desires, any song, immediately, is quite possibly the greatest REM invention ever. And for those keeping count, the concert is in 14 days. Friday June 10th.

I haven't quite figured out what is the difference between "Alternative" and "Alternative and Punk." Nor have I figured out how The Cure's earliest stuff is labeled "Rock." And yet, the pretend that Hoobastank as "Alternative." These are the things that keep me up at night...

One of the partners is wearing two different shoes today. Even worse, one brown, one black - not even the color. And even worse, he's got a meeting with a client. I had dinner with a client last night. See, the trick to hangin' with clients is (1) not to call it "hangin' with clients; and (2) just pretend that you are back in college and it's formal rush. You put on that face, that expression and vocal inflection ("really? You say that Mapquest told you to turn left, but you could only turn right? That's so funny.") and you smile a lot, make a lot of casual conversation, etc. I can do it.

Aww...thanks for the apology. Dick. Bitterness, party of one. I mean, really. ""In hindsight it was unwise to attempt to learn to ride a motorcycle without a professional instructor in a controlled environment." Well DUH. I mean, I can ride a motorcycle, but if I get injured, I'm not taking ANOTHER year off. This guy is a millionaire and hasn't worked a day in two years. No joke. So he apologized "While many of you are disappointed that I will not be on the field . . . this upcoming season, no one is more disappointed in this fact than me." But let's be truthful, we're all adults here. This is the part that he's really sorry about: "Because he broke a dangerous activities clause in his contract, the Browns may try to recoup a portion of the $5.05 million in bonuses he has received since signing a six-year, $40 million contract last season."

Seriously, I hate a search today to get to my blog that was:
how do you know if you are with the right guy
Wow...Umm...Sorry. Can't help ya. Trust me, the last thing that you want is my advice on it.

Via Jason: Ignoring Deal, Frist to File for Cloture on Myers. Just as I feared. Wait, politicians words are worthless? Really? But they pinkey swore...

Indians lost in extra innings tonight. That's like my softball team; we also lost in extra innings today! And just for fun, I have to go back to the doctor tomorrow morning. :(


And for Clevelanders, from the Cleveland Bar Association:

The substitute version of the budget bill ( Sub. H.B, 66) as accepted by the Senate Finance Committee, did not Address the amendment suggested by us that would remove the elimination of county funding while a task Force studied the issue of law library funding, structure and operation. To our surprise and shock, the latest Version of the bill eliminated thetask force. The information I have gathered in the past few hours isthat this may be an oversight or is the result of a member of the Senate offering a separate amendment to delete the task Force. I have spoken toseveral senators and we are moving ahead to reinsert the task forceprovision as well As address the funding issue so that there would be a 20% reduction in 2007 and no other change until the Task force concludesits work and issues a report.

The Senate leadership will be meeting this weekend, probably on Saturday, to work an omnibus amendment to address a number of items that still need attention. Our goal must be to insure that our amendment is considered and adopted. I have little doubt that it will be considered,but adoption is always iffy. Over the next few days beginning upon receipt of this memo, I ask that you contact the following senators on the Senate leadership team that will work on thiso mnibus amendment:

Senator Bill Harris- Senate president- (614)466-8086
Senator Jeff Jacobson- (614) 466-4538
Senator Randy Gardner- (614) 466-8060
Senator Steve Austria- (614) 466-3780
Senator Jay Hottinger- (614) 466-5838
Senator Robert Spada- (614) 466-8056

Deliver the following message:
1. County law libraries are critical to the operation of Ohio courts; they are the only library for courts, and provide essential legal research materials, equipment and services to Ohio's judges, elected public officials and citizens to ensure the effective administration of justice.
2. The creation of a Task Force on Law Library Associations to study their structure, funding and operation is most appropriate when local government funding is uncertain.
3. It is important to examine the utilization of technology and access by the public during the study of law libraries.
4. It is inappropriate and not prudent to change the funding of county law libraries during the pendency of the work of a task force; this is like writing the conclusion of a report and then doing the research to compose its substance.
5. Create the task force and permit it to do its work, develop itsrecommendations, and then evaluate a course of action for the future.

Get to it!!

My friends had a Lost finale party. I missed it cause of soccer. Don't get me wrong, I'd take soccer any day of the week over Lost (especially since Lost went sans hot brother) but still, it's killing me right now. I'd turn the tv on now if I didn't have to be at work at 7:15 (yes, so about to go to bed.)

Then my friend send me an email about The Half Blood Prince and it was all about who the bets that the half blood prince is and everything. Evidently, those betting places that always shut down because the winner of Survivor and other reality tv shows leaks had to shut down for similar reasons. So for the next 5 weeks, I KNOW that if I read this email, I'll know who the half blood prince is, but I just can't do it...

Conversation today at the bar:

Me: No, really, I'm nice to people I know

P: She obviously hates us.

I've recently realized that my humor is really offensive to all sorts of people. It doesn't really bother me. You just need a thick skin around me, cause I'll mock you. I don't see much of an issue; I mock myself plenty as well. But some people take offense to being made fun of. I guess they never went to high school? (At some point, I started making fun of public education kids. One girl took offense at it. I'm totally the product of public education.)

And actually, at the bar, there was an entire meeting about WalMart there. They don't want WalMart moving in the area. These people were giving speeches, they had sharpies (only the best pen ever), they had huge pads of paper. Not sure what they were strategizing, but still.

Oh, and listening to my teammmate talk about his need for a license to carry a gun right after his story about how he got a speeding ticket and has to go to court on Tuesday...

I'm off to bed. For those who missed, today in extra innings, the Indians defeated the Twins. (After blowing the game in extra innings yesterday.) I think that these two teams (and likely Detroit too) are pretty evenly matched. Of course, all three are so overmatched against the White Sox, it's literally painful. I just caught the end, so I'm not sure if Jody got a hit tonight to keep his hitting streak going. Anyone know?

So I've returned from land of the Star Wars. At least for now. Now, we are counting down until the REM concert (two weeks and three days). I got a hotel for Rome yesterday.

First, I have to grr for a moment. They cancelled Jack and Bobby. Now I know that I should have been emotionally prepared for it, but really, I'm an idealistic and ideally, that never would have happened. They did, however, renew Arrested Development, so I guess I should take what I can get from this fucked up country.

Second, I'm still irritated at this. I know, I know, compromise, etc. And had Owens not been part of the compromise, I would have been happy. But seriously, I can't understand why you give HER up. Bush's own Attorney General (not exactly a peach himself) has had harsh words for her. Hell, I would have forced the fillibuster vote. If I'd lose, I'd lose. But I would have forced the issue. Not compromised and given her up. DeWine was part of this negotation. I expect an email soon. I've probably called his office three or four times a week for several weeks now. Henry Saad, nominated for the 6th U.S. Circuit Court here in Ohio, wasn't part of this package deal. And what do they think this accomplishes? When the Supreme Court nominees occur, you haven't made it so the fillibuster was voted on and failed. Just that the vote hasn't occurred yet. They "promise" not to *this* term, not overall, anyway. And there is nothing to prevent them from changing their mind (what, a politician less than truthful??) Top Fillibuster Falsehoods.

Oh, Jody Gerut has a hit in every game he's played in since coming back from the DL. Adorably cute AND hitting the baseball... (The Indians won 2-1 last night. When Minnesota tied at a 1, I figured we lost. Lord knows we haven't been hitting the baseball all season long. Wonders never cease...We CAN score two runs in a single game. Anyone from Cleveland miss the offensive days of '95?)

Oh, Tillman's family feels lied to by the military? Join the rest of the country...The best part is that they seem surprised by this. This is the same administration who lied to start a war. Shocker that they'd lie about who and how people are dying. They won't show flag draped coffins due to public opinion. See no evil?? (We are so easy to ignore what does on unless it's in our face...)

Speaking of, my friend told me when in Paris, to pretend to be Canadian...

I haven't bitched about Intelligent Design for a while...

Has anyone seen Crash? My two friends have been arguing about whether it's brilliant or whether it's overdone and insulting b/c it's so overdone. Opinions?

I've been saying this for a long time. "The religious right becomes more and more wrong every day. Worse than that, they leave the teachings of Christ behind in the blind pursuit of partisan power." I've recenrly changed the Jesus is a Liberal bumper sticker (put up during Easter) with two others. Still doesn't change my feeling.

Thought I'd take a break from all the Star Wars quizzes of late. From Postcards from Nowhere:

The PJ's You Are Most Like: Underwear You enjoy the simple things in life and aren't hard to please You have an understated, easy sexyness that men love And you're confident enough to pull it off - without being overbearing What Kind of PJ's Are You? Take This Quiz :-) Sooner or later, I might actually write something real again...

This is funny: "A woman isn't legally responsible for injuries her boyfriend suffered while they were having consensual sex...The man, identified only as John Doe in court papers, filed suit against the woman in 1997, claiming she was negligent when she suddenly changed positions, landed awkwardly on him and fractured his penis."

I learned that I should start to leave my telephone at work on Fridays. My best friend called me today to see how I was feeling with my ribs and injuries, and something about a message I had left for her yesterday. Here's the thing. I don't remember calling her yesterday.

So afterwards, I go to my outgoing calls, and from the last call I remember making (to some guy I had met at the bar who was too drunk to correctly program my number into his telephone) to the next one I remember making (my voicemail this morning), there are 7 (yes 7) telephone calls. (Though two of them appear to be to the same person and should only count as one.) And one was to some guy I haven't talked to for over a year. I clearly should not be trusted with my cell phone when drinking...

Via Matt, contributing to my dorkiness (I can accept it), comes this quiz:



I *like* the results of this one... :) (I've noticed that I always have characters strong with the force...) But I saw that Matt was Qui-Gon Jinn, and after the question about me and how I felt most comfortable ("Going your own way. Alone.") that's who I expected to be. (Unlike Matt, I find his character interesting, 'cause he was such a Jedi rebel. You have to wonder how the galexy would have turned out if he would have consented to the counsel and not taken Anakin as a pupil. But alas...the world shall never know.)

Both via Eden:

Star Wars Horoscope for Cancer

You may whine at times, but you've developed a thick hard shell (like that of a crab). You are strong willed and persistent - until you get what you want. You never shy away from a fight, even when things get dangerous. Mentally sharp, you are starting to master the elements of mind manipulation. Star wars character you are most like: Luke Skywalker

What is Your Star Wars Horoscope?

That's bullshit, I should totally be Yoda...

But if I can't be Yoda, I guess that Luke would be an ideal choice. (Obi-Wan and Darth Vader would also be acceptable. )

Anyone have the Yoda toy from Star Wars? I've been to Burger King more in the last week than ever before in my life. (And no Yoda to show for it...) Seriously, I'm desperately looking for that and Darth Vader...


And

You scored as Idealist. Idealism centers around the belief that we are moving towards something greater. An odd mix of evolutionist and spiritualist, you see the divine within ourselves, waiting to emerge over time. Many religious traditions express how the divine spirit lost its identity, thus creating our world of turmoil, but in time it will find itself and all things will again become one. Idealist 88% Cultural Creative 81% Romanticist 63% Postmodernist 56% Fundamentalist 44% Existentialist 38% Modernist 25% Materialist 0% What is Your World View? (corrected...again) created with QuizFarm.com

So I heard that yesterday, employers nationwide lost $627 million in loss of productivity due to employees taking off because of the Star Wars opening. I’d only point out that I went to the midnight showing, and may have come into work late, and not been as effective as I could have been, but I was here at least...

And isn't this great Cleveland luck. Coco Crisp - the only one on the Indians currently hitting and o leads the Indians in batting average, total bases, and runs - is likely out three months because of a right thumb injury.

You'll concede Owens? Are you kidding me??

So I saw Star Wars last night (this morning?) I will say a few (non-spoiler) things.

First, unlike the first two movies, I liked this one. Thankfully. I would have been upset if I hadn't, because this is THE movie. It's finally not filler to introduce characters and get to this battle.

And again, unlike the first two, I actually cared about the characters. Anikan wasn't irriting in being whiny like he was in the second one. (Anikan in the second one, Luke in the fifth one. What IS it with Lucas??) Though I admit that I was literally pained every time that Anikan and Padme had scenes together. Juding by the sounds in the (sold out) theatre, I wasn't the only one. (That is when Lucas's inability to write really shines...)

I was worried for Yoda (which, I know, is silly.) Truthfully, I was really sad most of the movie. Even knowing how it ends up, or maybe because you know how it ends up, you desperately wanted Anikan to make different decisions. You saw him being manipulated, you saw and understood his motivation, you knew what he became by Star Wars...and you still half hoped that he wouldn't do what you already knew he did. Though I found it ironic that the same motivation that led to his manipulation destroyed the Emperor in Return of the Jedi. (OK, that's as close as I'll get to a spoiler, I promise!)

The two lightsaber scenes at the end flat out rocked. You knew from Star Wars that a great fight between Anikan and Obi Wan occurred on the lava planet (ok, and the lava was slightly overdone) but it was awesome. And I was a fan of the camera work between the two; one of the guys in my group was not.

I have to thank my friend Jennie who, knowing I'm a Star Wars dork (hey, I can admit it), sent me to this article about the parallels between The Revenge of the Sith and Dubya...Go check out the entire article. Interesting read.

The Empire Strikes Bush
By Dan Froomkin

"This is how liberty dies -- to thunderous applause."

So observes Queen Amidala of Naboo as the galactic senate grants dictator-to-be Palpatine sweeping new powers in his crusade against the Jedi in the final "Star Wars" movie opening this week.

It's just one of several lines in "Star Wars: Episode III -- Revenge of the Sith," that reveal the movie to be more than just a sci-fi blockbuster and gargantuan cultural phenomenon.

"Revenge of the Sith," it turns out, can also be seen as a cautionary tale for our time -- a blistering critique of the war in Iraq, a reminder of how democracies can give up their freedoms too easily, and an admonition about the seduction of good people by absolute power.

Some film critics suggest it could be the biggest anti-Bush blockbuster since "Fahrenheit 9/11."
New York Times * * * gives "Sith" a rave, and notes that Lucas "grounds it in a cogent and (for the first time) comprehensible political context.

" 'Revenge of the Sith' is about how a republic dismantles its own democratic principles, about how politics becomes militarized, about how a Manichaean ideology undermines the rational exercise of power. Mr. Lucas is clearly jabbing his light saber in the direction of some real-world political leaders. At one point, Darth Vader, already deep in the thrall of the dark side and echoing the words of George W. Bush, hisses at Obi-Wan, 'If you're not with me, you're my enemy.' Obi-Wan's response is likely to surface as a bumper sticker during the next election campaign: 'Only a Sith thinks in absolutes.' "

* * *

It's been generating "murmurs at the parallels being drawn between Bush's administration and the birth of the space opera's evil Empire."

Filmmaker George Lucas * * * pointed out that certain themes do seem to repeat themselves, whether here and now or a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.

Lucas * * * said he first wrote the framework of Star Wars in 1971 when reacting to then U.S. President Richard Nixon and the on-going events of the Vietnam War. But the story still has relevance today, he said, and is part of a pattern he has noticed in his readings of history.

" 'I didn't think it was going to get quite this close,' he said of the parallels between the Nixon era and the current Bush presidency, which has been sacrificing freedoms in the interests of national security. 'It is just one of those re-occurring things. I hope this doesn't come true in our country. Maybe the film will awaken people to the situation of how dangerous it is.' "

* * *

Lucas said he has long been interested in the transition from democracy to dictatorship.

"In ancient Rome, 'why did the senate, after killing Caesar, turn around and give the government to his nephew?' Lucas said. 'Why did France, after they got rid of the king and that whole system, turn around and give it to Napoleon? It's the same thing with Germany and Hitler.'

" 'You sort of see these recurring themes where a democracy turns itself into a dictatorship, and it always seems to happen kind of in the same way, with the same kinds of issues, and threats from the outside, needing more control. A democratic body, a senate, not being able to function properly because everybody's squabbling, there's corruption.' "

* * *

"Lucas said Darth Vader's saga is about how a good man turns himself into a bad one.
" 'Most of them think they're good people doing what they do for a good reason.' "

* * *

" 'It is a film about how easily (freedom) can disappear, how easily we can all be seduced into surrendering it while thinking we're having a good time,' he said. 'It chimes with the zeitgeist.'"

* * *

I just had to do an HR training video for a client. Somehow, the fact that I'm going to be part of a training video just doesn't seem right. (It does, however, explain the bad acting in training videos...)

So I'm feeling much better. The drugs work wonders, but I am feeling better. I can turn my head. I even went to football today (I didn't play though. Nor did I drink when we went out afterwards.)

So what's been going on that doesn't involve sports related injuries?

Iraq is moving towards a civil war. Is Iraq really better off? And what's the best solution? Is it to leave now and let them sort out the mess themselves (a mess that we've created)? Or is it to stay and try to fix it, even if, as we do, we are breeding more resentment? I've had this discussion a lot in the last week or two, but I just don't know the answer. It's a tough debate.

Bolton's nomination was sent to the full Senate for a vote. I still don't see why he wants the job for a position that he doesn't believe in, or what makes him qualified, a bully who alienates those who work with and under him. You don't agree with him? He'll try to replace you. He doesn't like you, he won't play with you (even if he's your boss, like Powell was).

Here's a scary article on border control. "An attachment to a bill that supplements funds for Iraq, passed by Congress and now on the president's desk, would allow the United States once again to keep out and to deport foreign nationals not for their conduct, but for their politics—their ideas, their speech, and the groups with which they associate." Seriously, how far are we going to go?

The filibuster issue is likely going to hit the senate next week. This is going to be bad.

I was talking to a friend about the national ID debate. He thinks they are ok and no different from driver's license. As American Progress argues, "The Nation's DMVs are not equpped to handle implementing Read ID. Already besieged by long lines and inadequate staffing, the country's DMVs are not prepared to validate and check birth certificates, photo IDs, proof of Social Security numbers and various other documents this bill will require. DMVs were not set up to be de facto immigration law enforcers."

Looks like Texas may have put an innocent man to death. Go Texas. Just screams support for the death penalty, no? Via Postcards From Nowhere.

Social security, social security, social security. God, I hope people are happy with their president choice now...

I found gas for $1.99 the other day. It's sad that was a cause for celebration...

Via Sarah:

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

I agree with all but one of them. Any guess as to which one? :)

For those keeping track at home, I've got a bruised sternum, a cracked rib, whiplash, and a concussion. Again, this was from a soccer injury. SOCCER. This was not a car accident or anything. This was me just running into someone. A collision, yes, and I was running speed, but still, this is ridiculous.

And, as a fun little ancillary (completely separate from crashing into the guy last night), I have a sizable cyst on my ovary that I need to have taken care of in the next week.

This part was funny. They refused to believe that I wasn't pregnant, merely because I take prenatal vitamins. Regardless of how many times I told them no. (It likely didn't help that they asked when I last had my period and I couldn't answer that. I mean, I know generally when it was, but specifically??) They absolutely refused to believe me. They actually insisted on doing a pregnancy test. (It was negative. Told 'em. And then they told me, like I'd either be relieved or upset. Either way, they told me like the result would be a surprise to me.)

But my favorite part, they flat out absolutely refused to believe that my injury was from soccer. I was asked if I felt "safe" in my home situation. If I have ever been abused (ok, I assume they mean recently, rather than 13 years ago, right?) If I'd feel more comfortable talking about this with a female. What my living situation was. Whether I was in a relationship that others disapproved of and what those reasons were. What are all those bruises on my legs from. (Other weeks of soccer. My gosh, I play soccer. I get kicked. I'm pretty physical playing. Shocker I know - I'm in the emergency room because I thought I could take out a guy at least a head taller than me and 50 pounds heavier than me.) And I kept saying, "I live alone with two cats. I'm not dating anyone. I'm just physical and bruise easily. The answers won't change with a female." And this went on for about 20 minutes while I was having the regular evaluation. Then, when I was waiting for the barium to take effect, a nurse came in and I literally got a "come to Jesus" speech. (I've GIVEN that speech before to clients; it totally wasn't necessary.) If you would have been there, you'd have loved it.

Oh, and my nurse was friggin' hot. Nurses should not be hot. Though because of that, I tried to forgive him for sticking me with a needle for hours because of that. And we commiserated about the fact that this is our final stand with the 20s. (He was about 2 weeks older than me.)

And a few things that sucked. First, I had to drink 26 oz of barium. Has anyone ever had to drink that? Seriously? It was the most disgusting thing that I've ever tasted, and I had to QUICKLY down the entire 26 oz. Like a shot that never ended - but not as tasty as the shot. And that was the ONLY thing I had to drink all day long. No joke. It was disgusting. AND I had a needle in my arm the entire time. Well, actually, the plastic was in my arm, so they wouldn't have to poke me a second time. We already know how I feel about needles. Even when hot nurses are the ones to put them in.

Now, I'm off to bed. I have some vicodin. And I'm supposed to take that with 800 mg of ibuprofen. Hmm, perhaps I should add some alcohol too...

Oh, and no, I didn't get back in time for etiquette training. I was at the emergency room (well, doctor then emergency room) for 7 hours. I'm totally busted tomorrow. :(

And for those wondering, I went to my softball game today, but didn't play. (I just went in case they didn't have enough girls. Since they did, I just kept score.) And I'm not cleared to play football Saturday. But if I'm able to breathe without pain, and will "take it lightly" and probably "should" tape my ribs, I should be able to play on Wednesday. They said that the whiplash should be gone by then, so I'd be able to turn my head. (Score!) I have a follow-up for the concussion ("are you sure that you haven't hit your head today as well? That's a long time for a concussion.") So...it's been a great day for me. Hope it has been for you all too!!

Oh, and happy Friday the 13th.

First, I gotta find a doctor cause it hurts when I breathe abnd when I swallow (heads out of the gutters)! Of course, I don't have a regular doctor. That'll learn me.

Second, I love Andy Borowitz.

A hand grenade hurled in the direction of President George W. Bush in Tbilisi, Georgia on Tuesday caused a momentary scare among security personnel in the former Soviet republic until it was determined that the grenade . . . [was] phony.
* * *
"The grenade posed no real threat at all," said a top Georgian security official. "Much like Iraq in March of 2003."

Hah.

OK, wish me luck on my quest to find a doctor (and be back before the etiquette training!)

I got my ASS kicked in soccer today. And I don't mean that I got beat on the field, which, by the way, I did, I mean that I got beat on the field.

Around the end of the first half, there was a somewhat open ball (a guy was dribbling it, but I'd noticed that he dribbled the ball a bit ahead of him, without total control over the ball.) I felt that I could take it away. So I went for the ball. He went for the ball. And we collided.

Not a gentle collision. A total collision. I went up on the air. I landed on my back. I laid there a moment, gasping for air. I tried to sit up, and realized that I wasn't able to breathe. I panicked (the way you always do in the moment when you realize that you have had the wind knocked out of you and you can't catch your breath), and my head was pounding from hitting the ground, and I collapsed to the ground, gasping for air, unable to move.

Now understand this was a total clean hit. It was a hard hit (those who saw it commented on how hard it was). But it was totally clean. It wasn't a dirty hit at all. It was just a hard hit.

And now (about an hour and a half afterwards) my entire chest right now is bruised. A rather disturbing shade of purple right now about the size of my hand. Attractive... It really hurts when I lay on my stomach as well.

The problem? (I mean, other than hurting.) That made me timid attacking. If you are gonna be timid attacking, you may as well not play. I took myself out of the game for a brief period, swearing at myself. I was pissed, I mean, pissed, at myself. I'd run for a loose ball, and as someone else was running for it and I felt I wasn't going to get there first, I'd turn my back at the last minute (so the ball would hit me on the back rather than in my chest, which as I said, is really sore. But umm...a soccer player afraid of colliding and getting hit by the ball? Not good at all. I'm sure it's temporary - I've played 15 years, and I've been hit before. I'm sure I'll be ok next week. But I sure was worthless today.

Actually, ok, my timidness wasn't solely that. In the second half I went for the ball two other times. Both time I again collided with the opposing player (being neither time quite as hard). One time I hurt my left knee when I hit it against the other player. The other time I stopped short on my right side (colliding on the left - I think that's why my right side stopped moving) and my right knee, suddently not moving when my momentum still was, popped out.) And to make the game a complete success, near the end of the game, I pulled a muscle in my left leg. So I'm hobbling. Bad.



What the hell are nice wrists? I was told that I have nice wrists. Umm...ok. Sure. That was a new one. So now I'm staring at people's wrists. I'd never noticed wrists before.

So evidently I’m going to learn to drink while holding my pinky in the appropriate place and learn to smile at bad jokes rather than my current "are you stupid" face I usually go with. Seriously. On Thursday, I have to attend a half-day Professional Etiquette Program. As it was explained to me, I will learn "basic business etiquette (verbal diplomacy; non verbal etiquette; handshaking; visual image; business card presentation; tipping; corporate telephone manners; gender etiquette; voice mail/email etiquette; grooming; business dress, casual vs. formal introductions; suite entertainment; role of company ambassador; cell phone/blackberry use; smoking etiquette."

I was even warned not to mock this. This will be a challenge for me, as my main goal in life is to mock things, even things that I like. It's a sign of affection in my work. Unfortunately, "I am sure ... you believe that this program will be of absolutely no use to you. That you already know everything there is to know about functioning in a professional and courteous manner. Simply put, attend anyway. That way, when its done, you can impress me and everyone else with your stories about how you could have taught the class better!"

Well...ok then. First, I have no illusions that I know all about functioning in a professonal and curteous manner. In fact, I'm pretty sure that this entire course was scheduled solely for me. And wanna bet that my tongue ring and business dress (or lack thereof) are addressed in this training?

I’d love to be in Alaska right now. I love the sun. Of course, winter there would suck. But I can get into summer...

Via Eden:

Your Political Profile

Overall: 10% Conservative, 90% Liberal

Social Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

How Liberal / Conservative Are You?

And for the Clevelanders, check out the Forbes List of Best Places to Live. Cleveland was #14 in Culture and Leisure...Thanks to Really Bad Cleveland Accent for the link.

But is anyone else disturbed that there is a list of the

Via Jen: Your Armageddon's day is October 0, 2071. (Unfortunately, this is not a typo. It does say 0. What the hell does that mean??) From here.

Hmm ... 66 more years. That would make me ... umm ... 29 + 66 = 95. Oh, my I can't even conceive of that number... As odd as it may seem, 30 still seems old. Yes, it's only 14 months (from yesterday) but it really still seems old. (We shall discuss my intimacy issues, including why I'm incapable of dating who is "in his 30s," later.)


Cedar Point. That's all I gotta say. I'm so excited. I adore roller coasters. It opened on Saturday. It's been open three days and I haven't been there yet. Appalling. My favorite is the Gemini. I can ride that over and over. But really, any roller coaster makes me happy.


Know what I learned today? I'm not allowed to take out my garbage if I get home early. I got home from work at about 5:30. I got my garbage together and took it out. About 6:04, my neighbor walked over and knocked, telling me that I wasn't allowed to take my garbage out until 6 pm. I'm not even kidding. At most, it was 15 minutes early...

I should go to bed. I have to be at work early tomorrow. Ugh.

I’m already down 42 billable hours from last year....not good...not good at all. Especially b/c last year I didn’t take a vacation, and this year I have the 6 days off for REM. Hmm...I think I’m screwed.

And it’s not possible to get sympathy morning sickness, right? After listening to my friends discuss their morning sickness yesterday, the fact that my tummy is rumbly today is just a coincidence? These are the questions that keep me up at night. Well, actually, the actual stomach upsetness kept my up at night. If I didn’t have discovery to get out today, I’d totally be at home lying in bed moaning.

My football team lost this weekend. I think our theory that we were bad b/c the weather was bad was officially shot. But we are excellent drinkers. We win THOSE games at the Treehouse afterwards...

And you know those rubber bracelets. Those are like drugs to kids now, aren't there. There was some guy at the bar who desperately wanted my Think Blue one. He's got an arm full of bands, and told me that he'd trade me any one of them. It was the weirdest thing.

I'm a goddamn, shit-sucking vampire, ahh, I mean, Republican?!? I'm convinced that it's that damn Israeli/Palestine question that got me!! I'm disgusted with myself right now. Via Eden:

I am: 4% Republican.

"You're a complete liberal, utterly without a trace of Republicanism. Your strength is as the strength of ten because your heart is pure. (You hope.)"

Are You A Republican?

Today is 05.05.05.

I thought that was plenty cool.

Until my friend pointed out that next year would be 06.06.06. Sweet. The perfect day for the world to end...

Another fun case for lawyers to chuckle at.

Footnote one says: "The trial transcript quotes Ms. Hayden as saying Murphey caller he a snitch bitch "hoe." A "hoe," of course, is a tool used for weeding and gardening. We think the court reporter, unfamiliar with rap music (perhaps thankfully so), misunderstood Hayden's response. We have taken the liberty of changing "hoe" to "ho," a staple of rap music vernacular as, for example, when Ludacris raps "You doin' ho activities with ho tendencies."


United States of America (Plaintiff-Appellees, Cross-Appellant) v. Murphey (Defendant-Appellant, Cross-Appellee), Nos. 01-2032, 04-2293 & 04-2309 (7th Cir. Jan. 25, 2005)

Written by Circuit Judge Evans

I finally had a soccer game today. After three weeks of cancelations. We lost (none of my teams have won yet; do you think it's me??)

Anyway, here's what I learned. I can pull softball and football off. Both involve a lot of pauses in the game. I totally can't pull a soccer game off. Running back and forth, up and down the field for 40 minutes (even with a two minute halftime). I am not in shape for that. What the hell was I thinking, playing halfback?? Hello. Defense? Less running??

But at least I'm skilled in this game. I mean, I'm not a bad athlete for a girl. But in soccer, well, I did play since I was seven. We are over twenty years. Even if you take out the random years here and there that I took off, I'm certainly over 15 years. Even *I* can get decent at something in 15 years. (This is the hope that keeps me going with my career...) :)

Another thing I learned. I haven't played outdor soccer since college. (In law school, when I last played soccer, I played indoor.) So I haven't had to take a throw in in years and years. And when I played regularly, I didn't have nails. Right now, I have nails. Between the wet and my nails, the ball was not my friend.

I also learned that I'm not used to playing outdoor with guys. In indoor the field is smaller. Passes more controlled. So in the outdoor, the ball is loose more often. And the guys can kick the ball as hard as they can. It's intimidating going for a ball - in that split second when you realize that the guy is going to get there first, and he's gonna clear the field, so he's going to kick the ball as hard as he can, and you are right there...I'm such a wimp, I know.

So I'm looking forward to tomorrow's softball, where the running is limited. I need to rest. :)

My current indignation: (from MoveOn)

On Sunday morning, Christian Coalition founder Pat Robertson told TV viewers nation-wide that the threat posed by liberal judges is "probably more serious than a few bearded terrorists who fly into buildings." When an incredulous George Stephanopoulos asked if Robertson really believed that these judges posed "the most serious threat America has faced in nearly 400 years of history, more serious than al Qaeda, more serious than Nazi Germany and Japan, more serious than the Civil War?," he responded, "George, I really believe that." ^[1]

ormer Vice-President Al Gore summarized this disturbing strategy of judicial hate mongering in a recent address to MoveOn members. Here are some of the incidents he covered:

The Republican leader of the House of Representatives responded to rulings in the Terri Schiavo case, by saying ominously: "The time will come for the men responsible for this to pay for their behavior." ^[3]

In previous remarks on the subject, DeLay has said, "Judges need to be intimidated," adding that if they don't behave, "we're going to go after them in a big way." ^[4]

A Republican Senator from Texas directly connected the "spate of courthouse violence lately" to his view that unpopular decisions might be the explanation. "I wonder whether there may be some connection between the perception in some quarters on some occasions where judges are making political decisions, yet are unaccountable to the public, that it builds and builds to the point where some people engage in violence." ^[5]

The Chief of Staff for another Republican senator called for "mass impeachment" by using the bizarre right-wing theory that the president can declare that any judge is no longer exhibiting "good behavior," adding that, "then the judge's term has simply come to an end. The President gives them a call and says: Clean out your desk. The Capitol police will be in to help you find your way home.'" ^[6]

Tony Perkins, leader of the Family Research Council, who hosted a speech by the Senate Majority Leader last Sunday has said, "There's more than one way to skin a cat, and there's more than one way to take a black robe off the bench." ^[7]

James Dobson who heads Focus on the Family focused his anger on the 9th circuit court of appeals: "Very few people know this, that the Congress can simply disenfranchise a court. They don't have to fire anybody or impeach them or go through that battle. All they have to do is say the 9th circuit doesn't exist anymore, and it's gone."



^[8]

Edwin Vieira (at the "Confronting the Judicial War on Faith" conference) said his "bottom line" for dealing with the Supreme Court comes from Stalin: "He had a slogan, and it worked very well for him whenever he ran into difficulty: 'no man, no problem.'" ^[9]

[1] http://www.moveon.org/r?r=719
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=721

[3] http://www.moveon.org/r?r=714

[4]
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=716

[5] http://www.moveon.org/r?r=713

[6] http://www.moveon.org/r?r=717

[7] http://www.moveon.org/r?r=718

[8] http://www.moveon.org/r?r=712

[9] http://www.moveon.org/r?r=711

I'm hurt. I scrunched myself in the revolving door.

There is no way to make that statement without sounding like a total idiot, is there?

Here's what happened. I was walking to work. (I had been interviewing witnesses this morning. So my mind was dazed.) Anyway, the revolving door was moving slowly, and I thought, "I can make that" so I tried getting in as it was moving etc. Well, I got half in and it closed and I wasn't fully in so I was scrunched. I can't really explain what happened any more clearly than that, and I'm sure you've never seen anyone else do that before, but needless to say that both my shoulders were scrunched in the door, with the wall on the right side and the revolving-ness on the left side. And I was stuck and I tried to step back but that didn't work b/c I was wedged in the door. So I dropped my bag and then step back and was able to get out of the door. BUT (no, this story isn't over) my bag was then in the revolving door but I wasn't any longer, and it was already pushed through (and the door only moves one way) and I couldn't get to it. So I had to push the door from the outside and wait as the door pushed my bag around in a circle until it got to me. Meanwhile, the security guard was staring at me. I think he thinks that I just might be mentally challenged.

You know what? He might be right.


Another quiz for me! Via Ali:

Your Taste in Music:

80's Alternative: Highest Influence

90's Alternative: High Influence

Adult Alternative: High Influence

Hair Bands: High Influence

80's Pop: Medium Influence

90's Pop: Medium Influence

90's Rock: Medium Influence

Country: Medium Influence

Punk: Medium Influence

80's Rock: Low Influence

Classic Rock: Low Influence

Progressive Rock: Low Influence

Ska: Low Influence

How's Your Taste in Music?

A few thoughts. The alternative junk doesn't surprise me. But what the hell is Ska?? I'd have thought that 80s rock would have been higher. And progressive rock. Though I notice that Ali had some that I just don't have - guess that means that I have no influence?

So the story about my secretary. This was my 4th secretary. She was ok. She made a lot of mistakes, and because I don’t recheck my secretary’s work, I got in trouble often. (Namely, letters going to the wrong clients, or with the wrong case name, or with names spelled wrong, etc. Yes, this is MY responsibility to make sure that it was all correct. I just sign things that are put in front of me. I joke that I’m going to sign away my house and not have a clue.)

Anyway, the secretary was a gossip, but she was always accurate. I have no idea how she found everything out, but she did. She knew that a few partners were leaving the firm, what partners were leaving, when they were leaving, and where they were going. She knew that an associate was pregnant and told everyone two months before the associate told anyone here. She was a wealth of information.

Now first, understand the mentality at the firm at this time. There were the rumors that the partners were leaving the firm and taking a sizable amount of business. Fears that we’d then be overstaffed, etc. In fact, in my review earlier that month, I had asked whether I should be concerned and look for another position. I was told no. But the rumor mill (also accurate) was that they had asked two people to move on. So firm love wasn’t necessarily strong. And security wasn’t necessarily there.

Anyway, she comes to me and says that she’s leaving at the end of the month. I say ok. She says she’s been fired. I again say ok. (I can carry on entire conversations without really engaging in them. It’s a gift.) She says that she was told that she wasn’t needed anymore. I saw ok. She says that her one assignment was leaving at the end of the month. I say ok. She finally says, "Listen to me, they don’t need me because they are letting you go." Ok, THAT made me pay attention.

So now I’m investigating. I ask her other assignment if she was leaving at the end of the month. Yes, she was, how did I know, she just informed the management committee earlier that day. I ask my office administrator if my secretary was being let go. Yes. (Understand that attorneys usually have a say in whether their secretaries are being let go.) I ask what is going to happen to me. "Don’t worry about it." I was told.

Now I’m convinced. And pissed. I mean, I had ASKED a few weeks earlier and was told now. Pissed. I bitched to another associate I’m friends with, but I’m pissed.

So flash two or three days ahead. A senior partner - a NAMED partner - comes into my office to ask me if I can do a research assignment, due at the end of the month. My answer: "You’re firing me anyway, so fuck your assignment."

Well...just as my secretary’s news that they were firing me caused an immediate reaction in me, my statement caused an immediate reaction in the partner. My takes a step into my office, slams my door, and says, "WHAT?!"

So I tell him what my secretary said, etc. He immediately walks out of my office. No idea what’s going on. But in my mind, if I wasn’t fired before, I sure am now.

About 45 minutes, an hour later, I get called into the managing partner's office. Great...I get there and the named partner and my secretary's other assignment was there. He told us that he fired her and that she was gone. He said that she told him that I made the entire thing up. Luckily, the other associate said that no, our secretary had told her a week earlier that I was being fired. (The managing partner also told us that he generally hates firing people, but it felt good to fire her.)

So that's my secretary who tried to fire me. Every so often, someone here will razz me for believing her. Oh well, I'm trusting. Worse things to be, right?

The best(??) part is that this isn't even the best story about secretaries in our office. Rather, one of the other associates had a really bad secretary. She would take long (2 hour) lunch breaks, she would disappear for hours on end. As some point, the associate realized that she was spending way too much time on the internet. So he shot an email to the office manager stating that he wanted to talk with her about his secretary because of the amount of time that she had been spending online instead of doing his work that needed to get out, etc.

Immediately afterwards, his secretary send an email to the office manager commenting that she had been trying to get something on eBay for her mom, etc., and she just wanted the office manager to know. I’m sure you can see where this is going - she was reading his outgoing emails, and read what he sent and tried to dilute it. (My secretary has access to my email. When I’m not here, she goes through my email and responds to whatever she needs to. She will read some emails into my VM. When I just don’t feel like dealing with someone, she will reply to them from my account. So this is common practice; it makes my job easier.) Because she was reading his outgoing emails etc she was terminated. She was told to pack up.

Well, she got a bit irritated about that, and so on the associates outgoing messages, she did an automated reply. Whenever anyone emailed him, a reply automatically went out saying, "Fuck you." The associate had no idea until someone replied back to him, basically saying, "what the fuck is wrong with you??" This message went to internal and external people - i.e. clients and opposing counsel. It was only a few hours before it was discovered, but still...

Along that line a forward of automated replies one could consider:

I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail
to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.

You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the
office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so
that I may be promoted to management.

I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me
until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be
deleted in the order it was received.

The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable
to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.
(The beauty of it is that when I return, I can see how many in-DUH-viduals did
this over and over.)

Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You
are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately
19 weeks. Please reply to this e-mail so I will know that you got this
message.

I am on holiday. Your e-mail has been deleted.

I've run away to join a different circus.

I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When
I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of 'Steve'.

The ironic part is, I got that forward today, when I decided to write the other secretary story as well.


Conversation today:
Office runner: Are you going to [insert confidential assignment here]?
Me: Naw, all I usually do is sit in my office and research and write.
Office runner: But you are probably a good writer.
[Pause]
Me: I could lie to you. But yes, I am.

Where do I get the reputation of being cocky?? I just don’t get it.


Oh, and one of the most recent Google searches getting to my blog: clausterphobic in relationships.
Finally, something that I can speak intelligently about! Right up my alley! What do you need to know??


And, via Jen: (Sadly, my two favorite cities - neither of which I've ever been to - are listed.)

American Cities That Best Fit You:

60% Los Angeles

60% San Francisco

60% Washington, DC

55% Atlanta

55% Boston

Which American Cities Best Fit You?

And via Jason:


Morpheus


?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

Oh, and finally what fucking team loses 2 of 3 to the fucking Royals, who had lost almost 100 games in a row? Oh, wait, that's MY fucking team...

Although it's Easter, I had to let everyone (especially the Ohioans) know about House Bill 228 (in PDF form). It was introduced in the Ohio House of Representantives and proposes to:

--make it illegal to perform any abortion in Ohio;

--increase the penalties for the offenses of unlawful abortion, unlawful distribution of an abortion-inducing drug, and abortion trafficking;

--enact the offense of facilitating an anabortion;

--place felony penalties on an individual who attempts to coordinate an abortion for a minor; and

--make it a felony to transport a woman across state lines to obtain an abortion.



Just thought that you Ohioans would want to know what your Congressmen are sponsoring (Brinkman, Hood, Buehrer, Bubp, Faber, Fessler, Gilb, Hoops Kearns, Raussen, Reidelbach, Schaffer, Schneider, Seaver, Taylor, Uecker, Wagner, and Widowfield). I'd think that there are other problems in Ohio, but what do I know?